Thursday, February 19, 2009

I don't know how fortunate or unfortunate i am to have waken up today.

I don't know how fortunate or unfortunate i am to have waken up today. Last night i prayed to the Lord to please take my soul and so i may rest my body.

At the center of the swirling vortex of my mind, i have found myself submitting absolutely to the will of heaven.

"Lord, i don't know if i am ready, but if You will, please take me."

It feels like living a lot more years with a lot less life.

My life has been a tale in all its clashing beauty and ugliness, and of sublimity and hellishness, the past few years i spent raging against the dying of light, taking up arms for the cause of my existence. By dint of pluck and luck, hustling and bravado, i was someone whose every pore pulsed wildly with life. I simply knew no other state than life, my existence as a living testament to the world in collisions amidst my soul going astray for the most part.

But some things are more elemental than the life itself. Where it does not trivialize, where it in fact provokes you to ponder in the most stubborn way in the deepest recesses of your own soul.
Talk about ravages of this affliction in ways that do not repel, in ways in fact that vastly reduce the entity of one that used to be so unique, so special, and so inexorable.

I could only hope and pray that i could finally offer the world the slip as i close my eyes and bid goodbye to life itself.

Life is a paradox. The hardest things to grasp are the most commonsensical ones. The hardest things to see are the most obvious ones. The hardest enemy to fight is one’s self. - Conrado de Quiros