Sunday, December 20, 2009


I, too, shall be forever grateful, having known someone as wonderful as you.
Someone as cool you, as witty as you, and as cheesy as you.
Superhero You.
Thanks for rocking my world.
i <3 u

Friday, December 18, 2009


A very beautiful and inspiring poem written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital. It was sent by a medical doctor - Dr. Yeou Cheng Ma.


Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over

Thursday, December 17, 2009


I watched the film My Sister's Keeper last night and hell it was a real tear-jerker. I still remember the first time Ate Kimi had told me about the story squeezing her very own lachrymal glands from start to finish, and i got too interested without a single hint that the prospect of a child's death due to a disease is broached in it.

Cameron Diaz and Jason Patric conceived another child Anna (Abigail Breslin) through genetic engineering to keep her leukemic older sister (Sofia Vassilieva) alive through transfusions and transplants.

The movie wrung an outsize waves of emotion pulsing through my very veins, as i struggle to have my own emancipation from a malady that has been coursing in my life. While watching the film, i became unsure whether the tears were due to the film's audience manipulation, or due to the catharsis that i was undergoing right at that very moment.

I then felt this extreme longing for mom, who'd be at her very best in fighting for my life. I sometimes feel neglected and ignored under our very own roof, with everyone caring less for my sufferings. Maybe it hurts them also that i am into this, and ignorance is the better excuse for the matter.


Wednesday, December 16, 2009


right now.

Cheers to my very brave superhero!

It's been a week.

Haven't been around lately. Too occupied i must say, with the exhalations of the minds and the titillation of the heart. Uhhmmm. Yeah.

I am sitting here in my desk wandering back into the corridors of my memory, recalling the breeze that carried the fragrant smell of passion, the one that breathed life into my soul.

I lost count of how many times i have tried to soar to the heavens on leaden wings. I have yearned for the gaping spaces of my soul to be filled, longed for the dawn of hope as i face the truth of my world.

And i was caught in the snares of the superhero's warm affection.


Two things: stupidity and bravery.

Is he stupid enough to walk with me as i continue to battle at the scourge afflicting my body?

Or is he brave enough to soar to the heavens with me, reveling at the marvelous, facing the truth of my world, as Hector came up against Achilles amid certainty of being killed, finding hope in despondency, wrenching triumph from defeat?


He is compelled by a force more elemental than love itself, moving heaven and earth to pull me up to my true heights. And no matter what imbroglio i am in right now, it is his strong character and valiant support i would be very glad to have in these times of adversity.

Frankly, i do not know where I'd be right now had i not gone through this watershed.

Cheers to my very brave superhero!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


location: alabang golf and country club

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

how would you like to be an EGG?

If you think life is bad, how would you like to be an EGG?

You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all..
The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!

So cheer up, life ain't that bad.

Send this to people who don't know how to value balls.

I mean eggs.

I mean life.

(sms from gerald)

Monday, December 7, 2009




The deadbeat princess had been yenning for his knight in shining armour. Having detonated his atoms in the interstices of her very own spaces, she doesn't know what madness has gotten into her. You can't get a sublimer transformation than that.

Never has the word "LONGINGNESS" resonated more profoundly in a single week of absence.


I am slinking back to mediocre depths of confusion. Like a cripple groping blindly in the dark.

Post-haste dilemma.

What's next?


It's a blessed Monday morning for me. I was kind of regretful for the last 24 hours having lost my center pinch lens cap, which i thought to have left somewhere in Starbucks (Nuvali) last Saturday Night out with OSA Servi. But lo and behold, i was gaping in wonder when i found a circular object that resembled that of my center pinch cap resting on my passenger seat.

Ahhh ... pure bliss and madness! The feeling is grand, the thrust powerful! To resign yourself to having something gone, and suddenly discovered that it has magically and wondrously appeared, you can only imagine what bliss it brings. My heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst through my chest. Felt indeed super blessed having found my center pinch lens cap. Happiness!

And now i rejoice in the hour of great happiness.

Simple things, eh?

I thank God for the simple wonders in my life. Felt really blessed that somehow, in the bowels of my obscure life and annals of self-alienation, God continues to hover simple joys in ways that go beyond our reckoning.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


Thursday, December 3, 2009



Friday, November 27, 2009


What strange directions, forks, crossings and detours life takes.

While i always see myself condemned to an eternity of torment, i had to scrounge for places to sack in. I always cringe at the thought that somehow, deep in the hollow, dark spaces where i confined myself, someone would find me, springing a fierce light like the kind that floods the surrounding in prison yards when the siren blares out an attempted escape. There you are Lois. No escape. No turning back.

Just the mere thought of it scares me. I have long commiserated to the caboodle of unfortunate events that happened in the course of my existence. Kismet. I still would shed a couple of tears just imagining the depths of despair i have gone through all of it. A reversal of fortune, or luck as they would have called it. Boundless grief and anxiety that has consumed the better of me.

Who doesn't hanker for heaven? Who doesn't want to be plucked from an obscurity? Who doesn't want at least one huge shot of adrenaline in the dying veins of hope?

At one point in my life, i almost gave up.

In my full flash of youth and vigor, in the frenzy of my life, i have thought only on the void of death. Surviving has staggered my mind to contemplate on something that so resolutely go against the will of heaven. It strikes me as bizarre that i have to act as if i am normal, as if i am like them, healthy, strong and carefree. I have taken part in the dramatic conceits everyone else is prone to or had made it a point to cultivate. But i found myself reveling in this misery instead of being miserable.

And then a hero comes along. (parang kanta lang ah. hahaha)

I was caught off guard when he scoured the lengths of the earth to burst the light at the end of my deepest darkness. My response was ambivalence. I have never imagined that my darkness would enter his reckoning, his bafflement.

(hindi pa tapos..uwi muna ko...hahhaha)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

let's go stargazing as soon as you're back.

Oft in the tranquil hour of night,
When stars illume the sky,
I gaze upon each orb of light,
And wish that thou wert by.
~George Linley

let's go stargazing as soon as you're back.

miss you much

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

You have no idea how much i'm missing you.

You have no idea how much i'm missing you.

Monday, November 23, 2009


You are the…

apple of my eye, mango of my pie, palaman of my tinapay, keso of my monay, teeth of my suklay, fingers on my kamay, blood in my atay, sala of my bahay, foundation of my tulay, seeds of my palay, best clothes in my ukay-ukay, calcium in my kalansay, calamansi on my siomai, knot on my tie, toyo on my kuchay, vitamins in my gulay, stars of my sky, sand of my Boracay, beauty of my Brunei, highlands of my Tagaytay, mole on my Ate Guy, baba of my Ai-Ai, spinach of my Popeye, sizzle when I fry, wind when I paypay, tungkod when I’m pilay, feeling when I’m high, shoulder when I cry, wings when I fly, prize when I vie, cure to my “ARAY!”....

... my SUPERHERO even after I die…

(got it from Bo Sanchez' blog entry, i just customized it by replacing the word Honey with Superhero.)

Sunday, November 22, 2009


A little smile,
a word of cheer,
A bit of love from someone near,
A little gift from one held dear,
best wishes for the coming year…
These make a Merry Christmas!

-John Greenleaf Whittier-

Saturday, November 21, 2009


I found myself in extreme longing in this cold morning of Saturday.

Groped for my mobile phone and dialed the most recent number on the list. THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER. (beep)

I could perceive my emotions with childlike ease. I frown because I'm sad. I smile because I'm happy.

Why am i calling a number that was just lost the afternoon before? I smiled.

I am damn missing someone here. wooooo hooooo.

There's a crispiness in the air that holds the promise of happiness this afternoon.

All seemed right with the world.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I wouldn't trade a hot cafe mocha drink, Kenny Rogers' grilled fish, bulalo lunch, crispy tawilis, and quickly taro special for all the riches of Tutankhamen.


Monday, November 16, 2009


Can't blog much for now.
Toxic work (as always. may bago ba?haha)
Will be back in a jiffy.
My boss is intoxicating me. hihihi.



Sunday, November 15, 2009


Saturday, November 14, 2009


Mood swings

Yesterday i was beating to the music of Firehouse. "Not just on Sunday, I love you everyday"... the song running through my brain like an audio on loop. It was dark around 6pm, the usual setting come Christmas season. Traffic was usually horrible on a friday (the 13th) as people disgorged on the roads elicited endless streams of honks from the passing vehicles.

I am on progressive dementia. I can recognize the progression i have made into healing the wounds of the past, and forgetting the painful memories that testified to my world in collision. Congratulations. Time had made me slowly conquer all demarcations, where it does not trivialize, but rather provoke me to ponder and reflect.

My point here? Nonsense.

I just dunno why i suddenly felt this vague sadness.

Mood swings. Happy yesterday, glummer today.

I suddenly want to be disconnected.


doing something fundamentally trivial is sometimes better than living a responsible life

Friday, November 13, 2009


SONY DSC W130 110909 12:51am

The moon smiled at me.
I was amazed how the beauty of the sky penetrated to the deepest recesses of my heart.
And i felt it.
And i knew it.


Thursday, November 12, 2009


Am thinking of ways to counter this feeling.
Am getting a bit... excited.
"Excited" isn't the right term maybe.
3 more nights, thursday night, friday night, saturday night.

I NEED A HERO by Chris Rice

Was I the only one to notice
That human nature doesn't work that way
They tell me if I look deep inside me
That I can find my own way
I only find a rebel and a fool there
Who won't admit that he's afraid
I thought I was holdin' on to freedom
But locked my soul up in chains
I need a hero
Who'll dare to find me
Fly to my rescue
And crash through the wall
Announce my freedom
Bring me to my senses
Gather me into His strong arms
And carry me safety
What is this talk about a Savior
Well does He listen, is He ever there?
And should I be asking Him directly?
But why should He consider my prayer?
Well, I don't quite know how to do this
But Jesus, I can't save myself
So here I go calling our for mercy
And crying out for Your help
(So if You hear me...)
I need a hero
Please dare to find me
Fly to my rescue
And crash through the wall
Announce my freedom
Bring me to my senses
Gather me into Your strong arms
And carry me off

Wednesday, November 11, 2009



Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I love Gerard Butler. I love you.



Monday, November 9, 2009

Love teaches you to hate

Love is so kind that it teaches you to sacrifice. Love is so great that shows you how to care. Love is so secured that it provides you happiness.

Unfortunately, love can be selfish because it teaches you to own somebody. It is cruel because it allows lovers to fall apart. It is rude because it provides barrier among friends. Love leaves you pain, burden, and tears. Love lets you do even the worst thing for others.

Love teaches you to hate.

from my Life Quotes of the day

Friday, November 6, 2009


Life (especially mine) is so short, so most of the times.. i make the most of it.

Well, not really the most of it. (There's blinding light that hindered the realization of a pursuit. Hahaha.)

I am talking about the little things and the trying out of something new that would fill my happiness tank.

I sometimes feel that i have missed out on some wicked things in my life because i have been sticking hard to the basic rules that were set in this cosmic earth, i have been 90% good all the time (10% go out to the crazy little things i do to myself out of my extreme schmaltz)

Sometimes, it's ok to break the rules i know. But i don't have enough courage to do it. Simply because i wasn't raised by my humble parents with any taint of delinquency. (Thanks nanay and tatay)

But last night, i jumped into some life threatening rule-breaking opportunity. hahaha.

Felt myself come alive.

You know na what it is.


Wednesday, November 4, 2009



Laugh trip muna. So tired of working hard.
Thanks Kariz for this. haha.


Maybe i just got so excited being appreciated again. But then, after some hasty realization, i just hell wished i am all alone.

Pains me to realize so many things. Sometimes, the cheap thrills would get in my better way of understanding the life i have to live. Ahhh, crappiness sweetie. To hell with it.

I woke up with a big lump in my heart, wondering why things can't go back to the way they were.



Good morning!

Saturday, October 31, 2009


The middle metal pole support of the garage fell down on my car due to the ravaging winds brought by the typhoon Santi.
I felt really bad for the dent that was left on my sweetie.
But still thankful to God that it didn't fall on the windshield.

Thank you God

Friday, October 30, 2009

God shares our pain

When we want to rage against heaven for our circumstances, let’s remind ourselves that God shares our pain. He even came down to be with us.

-Joy Sosoban

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


you can do office aerobics sitting right at your desk. It consists of jumping to conclusions, ducking responsibility, coming to grips with problems, stretching your boss' patience, sidestepping difficulty and pushing your luck..... ( from Dyois Abanes' fb status)

carcinogenic soysauce

uber badtrip lang.
who needs a soysauce?
it's carcinogenic.
see the effect?
i'm better off without any condiment.
it's just an illusion that the food would taste better with it.
marketing strategy.
suggestive selling.
been there.
done that.
fruits and veggies na lang.
think nutritious.
think health.
think green.


karma has gotten you on her list
ready yourself for some small itch
along the way you've been bad yourself
making fun out of other's expense
jiving to the rhythm of lies and deceits.

up and down you thought you've nailed it all
over and under you thought you've fooled us all
your scoundrel-schemes you thought seemed to flourish
karma's a bitch, how come you forgot about it
come to think of it, it will be full of surprises
up and down, over and under, in time she'll come to you
flurry in a hurry, to give you what is due.

I stopped stoking the embers of a fading memory.

I stopped stoking the embers of a fading memory.


Congratulate me.


I just don't understand why some people can't seem to realize how much pressure they've been putting on me.

"Nappressure na ko. Wait lang po."

"Bakit ka naman nappressure?!?"

I suddenly want to bang my head on the wall.

And she started the litany of the things she wanted me to accomplish, she wanted me to provide.

And to ask me why i am pressured?

She's asking me a lot of things beyond my resources!


Why can't they understand the life that i am living? This is no ordinary. Am i really just having a lot more years with a lot less life?

Dire extremity mutates into new reality.

I almost wish I'm dead.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I've been too busy lately. Too busy getting the hang of my solitary life. Intermittently through the past months, more and more often, and all over the past weeks, I’ve been glimpsing a day to day life that have been far too blessed all along. I've set up systems that seem to be running smoothly, (though sometimes at the expense of my super expensive health) exhilarating life controls that fuels up my happiness meter.

Friday, October 23, 2009



Too much info last night.

Not that my heart and soul could contain it.

It's just too hard for me to chew.

But i have to take a bite on the ugly truth. or truths.

Going back to square one has never been this easy.



Thursday, October 22, 2009

Love is the river of life in the world.

Love is the river of life in the world.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Ayala Westgrove

(photo: rey baptista)

(photo: rey baptista)

more BTS



Didn't get enough sleep last night. I was off to bed as early as 930pm but the temptation of having just a round of Lumines in the psp couldn't be resisted. This was part of my getting back to my usual self, of what i was a year ago, part of a self-inflicted ordeal that i have long been trying hard to conquer.

I didn't know where all the time went, but i was able to unlock another 3 stages in Lumines, thereby beating my highest score last year of 87287 to 114031. Puzzle fusion indeed. Not bad, hehe. My eyes were indeed closing halfway as i reach the game over. Time for me to rest.

I was over the game Lumines but i guess i wasn't over with the hordes of puzzle fusions in me. My body lay softly in my bed, but my mind was wandering somewhere,somehow, sometime, into something where it shouldn't.

Hardee's. Delicious burgers. Laughter. Banter. "ANong gusto mo?" "Anong drinks mo?" "Shake?" "Hmmmnnn... sarap." "Gamot mo?Nainom mo ba?"

The alarm beeped. 1am. Sustainability. Maintenance. Life.

I woke up from a dream. I was shocked. It seemed so real. Am i travelling back in time? I smiled. Good times Lois. Good times. I still have it in me. And my unconscious has been rolling it once in a while, to remind me that there is so much to cherish on my yesterday.Forget about the times i got stabbed straight to the pumping center of my being. We all make mistakes. What matters now are the good times that we had, good times that we can always draw strength on, good times that let us define our survival.

Being back to my usual self, i sustained my life with a pill that extended my days here on earth. To live life longer, to create moments that would take my breath away. Good times. Good times.

Welcome back lois. You definitely are getting there :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009


I'm just too lazy to blog lately


Wednesday, October 14, 2009


"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming...
"Wow, what a ride!"
- author unknown

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.
-Tim McGraw-

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect?

Was just forwarding an email to a very dear friend about soliciting feedbacks to the products that we both purchased on the net over a month ago. I rechecked
the sent items just to make sure that i forwarded the email in verbatim. My attention was drawn to the other sent items i had in the folder, and look what i have found :)


Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect?

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect? Will you still love me even if I’m not the kind of person you wished I were? Will you still look into my eyes with warmth even if you saw my shadows? Will you still hold my hand even if you knew there will be times I’d let you down?

For though I yearn to take care of you as I should, though I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades, my knees tremble this very moment that you hold me in your arms.

Shall I kiss you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of your spirit knowing that I have my darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in me?

Sometimes I’d be silent and I might bore you. I may not laugh at your jokes, and you may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding me. Sometimes I’d get troubled and I’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles me. I wouldn’t be good company then, and I couldn’t make you smile.

Sometimes I’d get moody and I might not enjoy the things you’d like us to do together. Sometimes I’d lose my temper and I’d no longer act like the fine person who stands before you today. Sometimes I’d get jealous and I might say things I don’t really mean. Sometimes I’d talk too much that I might drive you away.

Sometimes I’d get touchy and I’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature I try to be, at times I’d act in childish ways. I’d demand things I shouldn’t, I’d say thing I shouldn’t say. And no matter how much I desire to protect you and make you happy, sometimes I’d be the one who’d cause you the most pain.

If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.


my thoughts about this article: Rest assured that i will love you twice in this life.
1st. When you are perfect
2nd. When you are not perfect.

I'll always love you.
You'll always have my heart :)

your LOIS :)


I rushed to the restroom and let the tears freely ran my face.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Car trouble is a serious matter, especially on an unexpected instance. We didn't expect to find Kismot's left rear tire flat on the road after the visit we had to Leiz at LB Doctor's Hospital last Sunday.

This had broken our forward momentum of having a sumptuous meal at Jolibee. Ron had immediately resolved to change the flat tire and asked Jojit to pull the spare. He asked for an early warning device to which Jojit didnt has. Hehe. So off Ron went to Kea to get the warning device. It seems like Jojit hasn't well been oriented much to his new toy, unaware that the spare has been screwed securely at the trunk. I was looking for the jack, only to find a mechanical one at the side of the trunk. So again, Ron pulled out his hydraulic jack from Kea.

And the tire changing was staged.

Thanks to the very cool and brave Ron :)

I am very blessed to have this two brave fellas during some journeys of my life where my tires had been flat. Aw. Ang cheesy :) I love you both.

To Jojit: We'll be buying your hydraulic jack and early warning device this weekend by hook or by crook ok? Saka practice tayo magpalit ng gulong. hahaha.


Our lives are filled with flat tire incidents as God has not promised us a life of carefree and enjoyment all throughout. We may become seriously ill, bombarded with financial problems, lose our jobs, have broken relationships, but He promised to be with us at all times no matter how hopeless it might seem.

The Bible says in the first chapter of James, “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28). Our tribulations should strengthen our faith (James 1:2-3).

No one looks forward to problems and suffering and troubles and pain and enemies and setbacks and difficulties and breakdowns and obstacles. No one expectantly anticipates flat tires, regardless of the form they take. But unfortunately, none of us grows when life is good and skies are clear and problems are few."

"Jesus through His Word and sacraments is the mechanic for all the breakdowns along our journey through life. He can repair all our problems and make us stronger than ever. Most important, His death on the cross has repaired our broken relationship with God. Our bill? Paid in full -- we own nothing.

We grow best and most when we are at the end of our ropes with nowhere to go but down. This is when God really shines in our lives. God specializes in allowing us to get to the end of ourselves and our resources and our abilities and our strength because then we have nowhere to turn but to him.

James, again, “Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.”

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Thanks jellie for this cute labor of love.
Love yah!