Saturday, February 28, 2009


I mouth an "I love you" into the darkness. Did i hear an "I love you too" echoing back to me?

I turn over seemingly to sleep, but lie awake worrying about just how far away it sounded.

Sometimes my circumlocution works. Sometimes, it does not.

Friday, February 27, 2009


Jojit has always been a grand slam in arriving late to any of our arranged meeting schedules., so to while away my idle time while waiting for his grandest coming, (yep, he is indeed of broken heart and low spirits) i walked through the shelves of the bookstore and browse on some pretty good titles.

This bookstore has been my regular stop when most of time i would be arriving earlier on a scheduled meeting, or when the one i would be meeting would be behind the schedule. I always find it customary to check where the Bob Ong books are located, just to verify if a new title had slipped my attention and seeing it bold and new on that shelf would be such a great surprise.

No new book by my favorite Bob Ong. Same favorites and bestsellers.

My optic nerves were caught by a familiar title to which after further mind processing and a stir to my fragmented memories, is a book whose Aris had once told me read. Says it's a good book written by a Filipino novelist Stevan Javellana. If my memory is serving me right, he even promised to give me his own copy. But as always, and it will always be, promises are made to be broken.

The book entitled "Without seeing the dawn," would have ended in my own book shelf tonight had it not for my tight budget and strict financial planning.

"What on Earth have I done" is not a question i am asking myself but the title of Robert Fulghum's book to which surely would belong to my Fulghum's Collection.

(the Rituals of our Lives belongs to Ate Kimi. Borrowed it last 2007 and i haven't returned it yet up to this day. I love you Ate Kims **giggles**)

Unfortunately again for me, its price of Php455 wouldn't be very economical for a financially struggling me, so if in any case you'd be kind enough to buy this one for me, you still have at least more than 2 months to make my natal day the most memorable one as you share your blessings to the less privileged and unfortunate Fulghum addict. (ehe *big evil grin*)

"All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"
One title...

... different prices!
@Php 499 and @Php 545
NBS-Paseo, check your stocks! hahaha

Jojit arrived after an hour and a half.



Friday morning's been great. Slept at around 9pm the night before after a very tiring quest for career growth. I just hope everything will turn out exactly what God had wanted it to be.

My great morning was accentuated by a big bag of chocolates from my Japanese boss Segawa san. I loooooooooooove chocolates and a lucky girl i am having this bagful of endorphin-stimulating, serotonin-producing yummy food.

Favorites: SNICKERS and any chocolates with almonds.




When I Take a long time to finish,

I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time,

he is thorough

When I don't do it,

I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it,

he is busy,

When I do something without being told,

I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,

he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,

I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss,

He is cooperating

When I make a mistake,

I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake,

He's only human.

When I am out of the office,

I am wondering around.

When my boss is out of the office,

He's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,

I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick,

He must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,

I must be going for an
interview .
When my boss applies for leave,

it's because he's overworked

When I
do good,
my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong,

he never forgets

what to do?????????????

hahaha. love this email from jinjin.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


just missin' the Princ3


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Just your heart, in exchange for mine

You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...

What I'm trying to say, is...

I love you.

My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion.

Nothing but knowing you loved me too.

Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

(yvaine @ stardust2007)


A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really...

"Do the stars gaze back?"

Now that's a question.



found this very beautiful poem.....

Winter's Summer

Winter without you is like
a summer in a winter, when memories
of your love murmur in my winter.

Summer in a winter was never been
hot as it is.when the memories
of your love thrills me today.

Winters summer were very rare when
we walked on the bed of purple flowers
with your affectionate look.

When I forget this heat and
hold you in my poetic arms, you
kiss my poem through your heart
in this winter.

winter's summer was very rare...

a poem by venkatesh nagaraj

Friday, February 20, 2009


If something goes wrong... it really goes wrong

Been having grey skies lately. Hard times. Disappointments. Failure.

No one can tell when the battle would be over. It's either you quit or continue fighting.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


It's an early Thursday morning when i revved for the life of the engine. Pretty lucky engine, its life is defined by its running speed as the accelerator is pressed, while i define my life to be decelerating with the pressing hotchpotch of opportunities and difficulties, and of accomplishments and disappointments.

I knew it's going to be a hellish day for me, as i lost my soul the night before asking God to take away the very life that i am breathing. Maybe even atrocious, for i am bound to labor for eight straight hours with the impending thoughts of my passing away.

Pressing the accelerator, the car inched forward as it leaves a trail of amorphous carbon while my thoughts are tightly bolted to the familiar visitor which had visited my mother 24years ago. It has never been this unflagging, tormenting me even in these dire moments when my presence of mind is all i ever need to reach my destination. Taking its chance in every trice it could, death has taken all forms of road interference: a man on a bicycle suddenly criss-crossing on the road, a motorcycle heading fast straight to me on the very same lane, a horde of students, workers and other forms of living crossing the road unhurriedly outside the pedestrian lane without even looking left and right at the coming vehicles, a huge truck almost bumping my rear, a dent on the road so big and sharp it could burst any unattentive tire that pass right through it, an unaligned concrete barriers at the expressway, a sudden halt of a rushing vehicle in front of you, and so on and so forth. I could nitpick on the thousand forms death has taken in order for it to be welcomed, for it to be embraced by me.

I don't know how to tune out the voice of death as it babbled like the gush of a river inside my head. It was like flirting with disaster every now and then, as it continues to assault my senses and endanger my driving. Maybe it was my instincts who brought me safely to my destination. My conscious mind couldn't belabor the depths of these line of thoughts.

It took me a few more minutes before i got off the car. Sir Jun, who parked beside my car, flashed his smile upon seeing me and went away with a good morning greeting while noting that my driving has improved i can very well join a race, a drag race that is, with my big muffler.

"I was racing with death." I could have answered.

But instead, i flashed him a simper and walked through the entrance gate.


I don't know how fortunate or unfortunate i am to have waken up today.

I don't know how fortunate or unfortunate i am to have waken up today. Last night i prayed to the Lord to please take my soul and so i may rest my body.

At the center of the swirling vortex of my mind, i have found myself submitting absolutely to the will of heaven.

"Lord, i don't know if i am ready, but if You will, please take me."

It feels like living a lot more years with a lot less life.

My life has been a tale in all its clashing beauty and ugliness, and of sublimity and hellishness, the past few years i spent raging against the dying of light, taking up arms for the cause of my existence. By dint of pluck and luck, hustling and bravado, i was someone whose every pore pulsed wildly with life. I simply knew no other state than life, my existence as a living testament to the world in collisions amidst my soul going astray for the most part.

But some things are more elemental than the life itself. Where it does not trivialize, where it in fact provokes you to ponder in the most stubborn way in the deepest recesses of your own soul.
Talk about ravages of this affliction in ways that do not repel, in ways in fact that vastly reduce the entity of one that used to be so unique, so special, and so inexorable.

I could only hope and pray that i could finally offer the world the slip as i close my eyes and bid goodbye to life itself.

Life is a paradox. The hardest things to grasp are the most commonsensical ones. The hardest things to see are the most obvious ones. The hardest enemy to fight is one’s self. - Conrado de Quiros

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


this night i pray to the Lord
that i may not wake up tomorrow

Saturday, February 14, 2009


I love the movie. Here are some inspiring quotes from THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

Benjamin Button: Some nights, I'd have to sleep alone. I didn't mind, I would listen to the house breathin'. All those people sleepin'. I felt... safe.

Queenie: Everyone feels different about themselves one way or another, but we all goin' the same way.

Benjamin Button: It's funny how sometimes the people we remember the leastmake the greatest impression on us.

Benjamin Button: For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Benjamin Button: You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went; you can swear and curse the fates - but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.

Benjamin Button: Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss.

Benjamin Button: Along the way you bump into people who make a dent on your life. Some people get struck by lightning. Some are born to sit by a river. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim the English Channel. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people can dance.

Sybil Wagner: We're meant to lose the people we love. How else are we supposed to know how important they are?

Benjamin Button: It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you.

Benjamin Button: "I was thinking how nothing last, and what a shame that is."
Daisy: "Some things last."

Benjamin Button: I'm always lookin' out my own eyes.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

a date with sweetie

The bombast of the past seemed preferable to the humdrum nonsense that echoes in me today. I can hear the cadence of words in my head amidst the arguably deceptive haze of nostalgia. At some point, i feared i was fraying my own patience, latching every word that pounce with my own metaphors.


I thought of whiling away the clear blue skies with my turgid idea.... a CAR WASH!

And since I've been missing sweetie a lot, i resolved to rescue myself from that drudgery by pampering my own sweetie with a body wash.

a date with sweetie

Time has a way of dimming things, i just hope all the pains will eventually disappear like the dusts and dirt that have been removed from sweetie. Back home i fine-tuned the clean-up for an even handsome sweetie come tomorrow. I have also fine-tuned myself for a brighter me come sunrise as i constantly remind myself that all things happen for a reason for His greater glory. I may not come to like the outcome now, but who knows, maybe tomorrow or the days after tomorrow, it could be the best thing on earth.

goodnight everyone :)


* There are levels of naked wants that elevate my simple imaginings into an obdurate demand which would later turn into poignant, quixotic and quite impossible imaginings.

* I am hesitant to open my Messengers. I just can't take another blow to my shattered heart and feelings.

* Every time my phone beeps, i am hoping it's a message from a Chikka User.

* My mind is still boggled up to this moment.

* The Palawan Trip on the 7th of March has come to excite me more than the Eraserheads Final Set Concert.

* I work harder this day, with 110% productivity.

* I intentionally deleted two entries in my Phonebook.

* I ate nothing at lunch and dinner yesterday, and none again this morning. I was sooooooo depressed i don't know what hunger feels like.

* The Analytic Geometry formulas and computations have been randomly displaying on my mind.

* I am thinking of deleting my Friendster Account. Uuhhmmm... just thinking bout it.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It won't rain forever

Why does my day seem to be an endless chaos?
Will there be a way to surpass it? How long will the pain linger?
It has been storming for days and nights.

I haven't slept for a night. Cat naps during the first 3 hours. If there's someone who i believe can tame the protons in me, i have reached him twice but to no avail, awake i still am.

Which brings me to the realization that my mind is boggled deep beyond what it could contain. Unreleased pent-up emotions, stress, and other things that rattle my subconscious being.

Wasn't able to report to work today. A good friend has brought me a major disturbance in the wee hours of the night. haha. joke lang. I dunno what brought him here, or maybe, i know, but whatever it is, i just hope things will go more smoothly after this night.

I wasn't able to attend my geometry review class at 6pm. Been feeling quite not well and couldn't concentrate enough. It was 330pm when it felt like the world had crashed on me. At that instant i know all the formulas and numbers and theories in my head had been jumbled. I decided not to go to my class.


It won't rain forever.

Monday, February 9, 2009