Wednesday, December 31, 2008


December 31, 2008
waiting.. waiting..waiting...

I promised myself that I'll get my room cleaned come 12:01 January 1, 2009. Up to this moment, i still don't know if i could :D

Can't get my tongue tied for some blabbers before the two-ow-ow-nine. I was thinkin' of some pretty good and fabulous "first times before two-ow-ow-nine" (Uy, first time ko? hihi)

First time with my sweetie. OOppsss.. the car. Yep, name's sweetie.
I have long before wanted to buy a car. But maybe, i wasn't really that determined because i got easily carried away by the cons instead of the pros, until i got my father hypnotized to have his lion's share.. bwahahaha.. presto! The garage is now occupied :)

break muna

Thursday, December 25, 2008

The Square Root of Three

I love mathematics. There's no question about it. I have always loved numbers and maybe, this passion for numeric figures, equations and formulas has allowed "numerous" persons to pass through my life (and leave without having any traces of luck nor fortune. haha. Just kidding)

I came upon this beautiful poem "Square Root of Three" by David Feinberg while watching Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. (Trivia: "The Square Root of Three" that Kumar recites was written by a classmate of theirs, David Feinberg when all three went to Randolph High School in New Jersey. They were happy they could include in the film a poem they loved while growing up, and Feinberg was thrilled to make a contribution to the film. - from IMDB) It's a pretty funny film like the previous flick (Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle), a good enough run for a cold Christmas afternoon (literally and figuratively :D)

I am a poet by heart and i was enthralled and mesmerized to have seen and heard a beautifully crafted poem where love and math could ever meet.

Square Root of Three

by David Feinberg

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Oh so mushy.

I love it!


Square root of 3

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

List of numbers - Irrational numbers
√2 - φ - \sqrt{3} - √5 - e - π
Binary 1.1011101101100111101...
Decimal 1.7320508075688772935...
Hexadecimal 1.BB67AE8584CAA73B...
Continued fraction 1 + \frac{1}{1 + \frac{1}{2 + \frac{1}{1 + \frac{1}{2 + \ldots}}}}

The square root of 3 is the positive real number that, when multiplied by itself, gives the number 3. It is denoted by


The first sixty significant digits of its decimal expansion are:

1.73205 08075 68877 29352 74463 41505 87236 69428 05253 81038 06280 5580... (sequence A002194 in OEIS)

The rounded value of 1.732 is correct to within 0.01% of the actual value.

The square root of 3 is an irrational number. It is also known as Theodorus' constant, named after Theodorus of Cyrene.


The square root of 3 is equal to the length across the flat sides of a regular hexagon with sides of length 1.

If an equilateral triangle (equilateral polygon with three sides) with sides of length 1 is cut into two equal halves, by bisecting an internal angle across to make a right angle with one side, the right angle triangle's hypotenuse is length one and the sides are of length 1/2 and \sqrt{3}/2. From this the trigonometric function tangent of 60 degrees equals \sqrt{3}.

It is the distance between opposite flat sides of a regular hexagon with sides of length 1.

It is the length of the diagonal of a unit cube.

The shape Vesica piscis has a major axis: minor axis ratio equal to the square root of three, this can be shown by constructing two equilateral triangles within it.


A very merry Christmas to all!

here's God's message for today:

25 December

Solemnity of the Lord’s Nativity

tO bE WIth thE ONE YOu LOvE
But you shall be called “My Delight…” – Isaiah 62:4
Back in college, I courted this girl. We got stuck in heavy traffic for more than 30 minutes in one spot. She asked me if I was alright because I was driving. I replied, “Yes, I’m OK. Actually, I wouldn’t mind if this traffic jam didn’t end… because I’m with you now.”
What can I say? I was in love.
An officemate of mine used to commute four hours to work — one way — every single day. She’d go home late to let the rush hour pass. She’d arrive home at midnight, stay for about two hours, and then it would be time for her to go back to work.
I asked her why she didn’t just rent a place somewhere in the area. It didn’t seem worth it to travel all the way to stay home for such a short time. She said, “It’s worth it. At least I get to see my family.” I said, “Yeah, but aren’t they already asleep by the time you get home?” She replied, “That’s OK. I peek into their room when I get home. That’s enough for me.”
What can I say? She loves her family. Dearly.
Today we celebrate the bizarre act of a God who abandoned the comfort and majesty of His throne and traveled all the way from heaven to be one with us.
What can I say… George Gabriel
Have you thought— really thought about how desperate God is to be with you?
Lord, may I always delight in You as You delight in me.

Let us be committed to walking in the light of the Lord. This may sound a somewhat clichéd statement but I do not apologize for this. There is a very important truth at stake here. We either believe that God wants us to live in the light of His truth without compromise or we do not. The only test of our decision in this matter is the witness of our lives. Do we witness to the victory of Jesus over the powers of sin in the way we live, or are our lives so compromised it is difficult to see how we are any different to the rest of the world?

Isaiah 52:7-10 (or Isaiah 62:1-5 or Isaiah 9:1-6 or Isaiah 62:11-12)
7 How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings glad tidings, announcing peace, bearing good news, announcing salvation, and saying to Zion, “Your God is King!” 8 Hark! Your watchmen raise a cry, together they shout for joy, for they see directly, before their eyes, the LORD restoring Zion. 9 Break out together in song, O ruins of Jerusalem! For the LORD comforts his people, he redeems Jerusalem. 10 The LORD has bared his holy arm in the sight of all the nations; all the ends of the earth will behold the salvation
of our God.

Psalm 98:1, 2-3, 3-4, 5-6 (3c) (or Psalm 89:4-5, 16-17, 27, 29 (2a) or Psalm 96:1-2, 2-3, 11-12, 13 or Psalm 97:1, 6, 11-12)

R: All the ends of the earth have seen the saving power of God.
1 Sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done wondrous deeds; his right hand has won victory for him, his holy arm. 2 The LORD has made his salvation known in the sight of the nations he has revealed his justice. 3 He has remembered his kindness and his faithfulness toward the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation by our God. 4 Sing joyfully to the LORD, all you lands; break into song; sing praise. 5 Sing praise to the LORD with the harp, with the harp and melodious song. 6 With trumpets and the sound of the horn sing joyfully before the King, the LORD.

Whether anthropologists or students and teachers of comparative religion and the followers of other faiths like it or not, the Christian Gospel has a level of truth that is fundamentally different to any other religion that makes it superior to them if it is lived to the full. This is nothing to have pride or grow arrogant about. It is a responsibility to be grasped and lived as a witness to the Good News. This is not only our duty as Christians but a privilege for which we have been chosen.

Hebrews 1:1-6 (or Acts 13:16-17, 22-25 or Titus 2:11-14 or Titus 3:4-7)
1 Brothers and sisters: In times past, God spoke in partial and various ways to our ancestors through the prophets; 2 in these last days, he spoke to us through a son, whom he made heir of all things and through whom he created the universe, 3 who is the refulgence of his glory, the very imprint of his being, and who sustains all things by his mighty word. When he had accomplished purification from sins, he took his seat at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4 as far superior to the angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs. 5 For to which of the angels did God ever say: “You are my son; this day I have begotten you”? Or again: “I will be a father to him, and he shall be a son to me”? 6 And again, when he leads the first-born into the world, he says: “Let all the angels of God worship him.”

Jesus’ beginnings are far from auspicious. He is born to a woman who is not yet married. He is born in a manger or cave where the domestic farm animals shelter. He is laid in a feeding trough for a bed. None of these truths give any indication as to His real identity. Perhaps Jesus is the master of humility because He is born into it. As we reflect upon His humility, let us ask God for the grace to grow in humility ourselves.

John 1:1-18 (or Matthew 1:1-25 or Luke 2:1-14 or Luke 2:15-20)
1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things came to be through him, and without him nothing came to be. What came to be 4 through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; 5 the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. 6 A man named John was sent from God. 7 He came for testimony, to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. 8 He was not the light, but came to testify to the light. 9 The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world came to be through him, but the world did not know him. 11 He came to what was his own, but his own people did not accept him. 12 But to those who did accept him he gave power to become children of God, to those who believe in his name, 13 who were born not by natural generation nor by human choice nor by a man’s decision but of God. 14 And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us, and we saw his glory, the glory as of the Father’s only Son, full of grace and truth. 15 John testified to him and cried out, saying, “This was he of whom I said, ‘The one who is coming after me ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.’ ” 16 From his fullness we have all received, grace in place of grace, 17 because while the law was given through Moses, grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18 No one has ever seen God. The only Son, God, who is at the Father’s side, has revealed him.

my reflections
think: As we reflect upon Jesus humility, let us ask God for the grace to grow in humility ourselves.


We have finally reached the birthday of Jesus. We stand in front of the manger and look at the peaceful scene: Mary, Joseph, the shepherds and the Infant Jesus at the center. The birth of Jesus is not a fable. It is a story that really happened in Bethlehem 2,000 years ago. Faith brings us to recognize in that little Child the true Son of God who, out of love, chose to become man. In the face of the little Jesus, we contemplate the face of God, which is revealed in weakness and in the fragile constitution of a child. He reveals all the goodness and infinite beauty of God, the faithfulness and tenderness of the boundless love with which God surrounds each of us. For this reason, we rejoice at Christmas, reliving the same experience as the shepherds of Bethlehem. We celebrate because with Jesus’ birth the Father has responded to our desire for truth, forgiveness and peace. And He has responded with such enormous love that He astonishes us. No one could have imagined it if Jesus had not revealed it.
When I visited the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem for the first time, I was puzzled by the huge church. It has only one entrance, so low that only a child can walk straight through it. We adults have to bend down in order to pass through it. How appropriate to approach the place where God humbled Himself and became a child.
It is said that the entrance was made so low in ancient times to prevent soldiers from entering on their horses and Bedouins on their camels. It was kept that way until today to make all pilgrims aware: If God came down from heaven, we cannot but come down also from our pedestals to live as brothers and sisters, to climb down from our “camels” in order to approach the place where God appeared as a child. May we, therefore, see in every child the humble Child Jesus who invites us to “become like little children” in order to enter one day the Kingdom of God. Fr. Rudy Horst

Reflection Question:
What are the pedestals from which I lord it over others, the “camels” I must come down from to be worthy of what Christ has done for me?

Lord, thank You for coming and for becoming one of us. Kneeling at the manger and looking at You as a helpless infant, I feel weighed down by my pride. I pray that this Christmas will change my attitude. I pray that every child I see will remind me of You and of my task to become small and humble.

St. Anastasia III, martyr, pray for us.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


The day before the most awaited day of the year.

December 24.

I'm still at work but not working literally. (For almost a year, the HR hasn't decided yet what my job description really is.)

I just had some interesting ..uhhmmmnn.. rather disturbing thoughts and events for the day.

As always, I've been missing my Kuya Melvin a lot. Must be a matter of priorities, so our less-than-the-usual-heart-to-heart-talk is understandable. I was walking down the memory lane browsing through our pictures last year. Exactly during the same hour that i was damn thinking bout him, along came a message from my Ate Shiela. I was nearly crying and i couldn't even press the keypad to sent her a reply. I was reminiscing our last year's Baguio Trip, the one that made me realize that the best moments in life are those spent with the people who just love you for who you are, unconditionally, all the days of your life.

The phone also beeped for a message coming from...tantananan-tanan...mhean. As always, she's pretending I'd mistaken her for ysm by using ysm's number. I don't know what luck or fortune or satisfaction will she reap upon knowing how i am doing today, but i would highly appreciate it she wouldn't intrude in my life anymore. I didn't sent her a reply. I don't want to define to her again what the word RESPECT means. Uhhhmmm... Merry Christmas to both of them. :)

I did mess my car. Oooppss... i didn't get into an accident again. Kuya manny and i just had some minor adjustments in the engine and unluckily, we had adjusted too much which caused the engine to stop running right after i had parked in the Pavilion Mall. I was kinda panicky because i couldn't find Kuya Manny's number in my phonebook, was calling someone to have it retrieved in my Chikka account, but unfortunately, he doesn't want to talk to anybody and he is shutting his world on Christmas Day. I was able to talk to Kuya Manny having retrieved his number in the phone logs, he immediately went to me and have the engine adjusted again and bring back its life. Thanks for the immediate and quick response, thank you thank you and i'm so glad i have these kind of friends who could rescue me in times like this.

I wish to entertain my depressive feelings, but it's Christmas.. and I promised God that this Christmas would be better than last year. Although same as last year, im also sick with fever, cough, colds, but i won't let it get in the way of celebrating His birthday.

But I would have to admit that i am much excited for the coming of March 2009 than this Christmas. God please forgive me, but You know why i am feeling like this.


It's past 8pm and i gotta get dressed for tonight's mass.

Merry Christmas to all.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Time moved with incredible sluggishness as i find myself left all alone here in AFC. My dearest officemates had moved on with their lives outside this forging company.. finding their own happiness and life sustenance. Ahhh. I miss them.

It was the company christmas party last Saturday. As the crowd cheered for the die shop's presentation of song and dance number, i couldn't help but walk down the memory lane as i recall in perfect vivid imagery the first and last Christmas presentation i had with Brix, Ronnie and Marvin. (Andlou was able to escape during the presentation itself because he was damn too occupied with Mama Mia :D hehe)

It was a dance rendition of Pinoy AKo. We were really determined to win because of the cash prize.. we even practiced during office hours.. Haha.

I was lucky to have a copy of this video taken by someone from sleeve machining department in her SEK700 phone. Pardon the vid quality, it's just a small 3gp file.

With their almost alcoholic state of consciousness, we swayed and jived to the tune, with our perfectly crafted Pinoy Big Bother housemates masks hiding our absurdity. Hahaha. It was really fun back then.

The memory took me vividly as if I was in the moment again.

Then for a moment, beneath the loud cheers and jeers of the crowd, i could feel my lachrymal glands trying to disgorge some of its liquids.

I miss you all.

Saturday, December 20, 2008



Thursday, December 18, 2008


I myself revel in my uniqueness yesterday as a dribble of that vital fluid was set to define my tomorrow.

I was fine tuning the crescendo of voices that babbled like the spurt of the river inside my insane head. I was alone and only talking to myself, the buzz had been so disturbing i need to shut them all...

"Shut up you all pesky emotions.. it'll always turn out exactly as what God had wanted it to be."

I am hopeful.

I am faithful.

There are moments in my life when i would really want to yield to the clutches of despair. Why God has chosen me to traverse this path while others revel in their extravagant journeys.

Yet there have been moments in my life when i would really burst into extreme happiness as God has chosen me to walk this path to suffering, for true enough, there are more lessons to be learned and adventures to be experienced as real and genuine friends get to bask in the limelight of my life.

But it's no cinch.

Sometimes I'd pretend to be okay when the stark-raving truth is i am not.

Over my seemingly absurd state of consciousness, i have railed almost at anything that doesn't conform to my preferred standards of living.


The "Lord, Why me?"

But prudence has to be part of the valor.

This is my God-given life and I'd better make my today a few notches better than my yesterday. To defy the odds and prefer ambitions that is couched in hopeful terms.

I am hopeful.

I am faithful.

Two more nights.

I am waiting for how my tomorrow would be defined.

But i wouldn't get deterred by my sufferings.

I am hopeful.

I am faithful.

God is always with me.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Haven't been careful with my driving lately.

It was just last thursday night when i went home after the TSC Christmas party that i didn't notice the sharp depression on the road somewhere in front of the Malayan colleges. I almost cringe at the thought that i could have my wheels exploded and i could have died in an instant.

Saturday night on my way to Waltermart to fetch Kuya Fox so that we could go in convoy to the I-pinoy xmas party venue, i accidentally bumped in a protruding dead wood somewhere in Real, Calamba. It was dark at past 7pm, and the traffic on both lanes had made it difficult for me to maneuver the car backwards. I was looking at the side mirrors, and visibly noticed the concrete plant box while manipulating the steering wheel. I bent my head and took a quick glance, it looked a few more inches away, so i stepped carefully at the clutch and gas pedal. Then in a fraction of a second i felt a sudden impact happening at the back of my car..How come a dead protruding wood has come to its sane life in an instant! Admittedly, i really hadn't noticed it a while ago, my 250/250 vision failed to recognized its deep rich soil color under the eerie darkness. Although it felt like the rear has been crumpled, i didn't take an immediate quick look, the traffic was heavy, I would only be another distraction. At the parking area, i hurriedly got out of the car and inspected what has been damaged. The left back light had been slightly hit, its brittle glass cover ruined with a sharp hole and cracks due to sudden impact. There's also a modest dent in the left rear body. Thank God for its sturdy and big body.

Back home as soon as i got inside i hurriedly blurted out to my uncle what has happened. He didn't say anything but I can discern from his silence that he really wanted to whack me in my nape for being so clumsy. After a while he worked on the damage in one deft stroke.. plastered the cracks and hole with the available reflectorized orange sticker. Guess i'll have it replaced when time and money is at hand.

Monday morning and traffic in Mamatid is as hell as it has always been. Maybe i was still half asleep when i accidentally stepped on the gas pedal instead on the brake pedal. Whoah. Good thing the vehicle in front me had advanced already, had it not, it would have been another damage. Recklessness, clumsiness, dunno how i would call it, but maybe my absent-mindedness had been over-empowering and it has been consuming my sanity.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I just had a weird dream last night. Dreamt about ysm. How could he be able to penetrate my dreams even up to this moment in time?

Don't get me wrong. I've moved on from the tremors and pain brought about by our broken six-year relationship (monogamous? or polygamous? haha. ikaw lang makakasagot nyan) I am happy and contented with my life right now as heaven disgorges all its wonderful blessings to me.

Maybe some glitches in the unusual processing of my stubborn mind.

Maybe it was due to his natal day. 120408 and i chose not to drop any message for him. I believe that it would brought "them" (read: Meanne and others) the peace of mind that all of them were both longing, if their own version of peace of mind could be defined as not having any form of my existence in their everyday lives. On the other hand, i also have my own version of the word desperation. It is the act of keeping in touch with me amidst my null existence in their desperate lives and knowing my whereabouts to the extent of using ysm's identity in order to squeeze some pertinent details, like the things that i enjoy in the present, the occupation that i have right now, the hobbies that keep me fit (emotionally, physically and spiritually), the things that make me happy and contented with my life, even the things that make me bloom. If you do have your own version of peace of mind and desperation, feel free to post it in the comments section. :hat:

Anyways, back to my stupid dream..

It was just a typical reenactment of the ways things were before. Just the plain cold ysm who'd take my heart away by just being him, i don't know what made me settle for the kind of him during those must have been really, really, really blind. I don't know how it could have found its own way in my dreams and enforces insanity in it while it riots in the real world of my existence. But one thing i am for sure, for that snap moment it felt like the same stupid lois, found myself waiting for some significant things (or miracle) to happen, for actions he would have done, for decisions he would have stood for, for the silly four-eyed girl he would have fought for.

And yes, as expected, just as before, he didn't.

I didn't know what the end of that dream was, maybe my being has stopped processing the images for it knew very well that the patterns are just the same as what my conscious being has experienced.

Then i woke up to a message that electrocuted my whole being.

Happy me.

Reveling in my real existence. Loved. Cared. Nurtured.

And this is for real.

Happy me.


I was listening to Fr. Marfori's sermon yesterday during Rich and Riggie's wedding ceremony (abay ako, ehem) when he related an article about Relationship which he had read in a magazine during his last haircut session.

"Relationship is like holding an egg... be careful so as not to drop it, be gentle so as not to break it."

Makes sense.

This is how fragile relationships are. Some may not really take this into consideration, especially when having the best time of their lives while into a relationship. But more often, we find ourselves in a haze of confusion when our relationship hits rock-bottom. We look for possible reasons and assess ourselves about what we had done and could have done.

Individuals have long ago desired to interact with other individuals since the beginning of time, and so this led to friendships even up to romantic relationships. This fills up our need for companionship, because as humans, i believe we all need each other to survive. "No man is an island." Relationship also gives us fulfillment and security, as it gives us an opportunity to form a special bond with another human being.

Whether friendship or romantic relationship, i think it is really best to handle any relationships with utmost care.


I've been into relationships, monogamous and non-monogamous. hahaha. Admittedly, i've so many friends and i'm trying my very best to be a better one for them. It's just so frustrating that sometimes, no matter how you try your very best to keep the relationship smooth sailing, it really flirts with disaster and both sides fall prey to hollow yearns of distance and separation.

I feel empty to have lost some significant relationships. It's like everything's so peachy and then it suddenly becomes a double whammy. It left me open wounds that i know not when to be healed. Some left me even scars that no amount of treatment (or cebo de macho?haha) could erase. An assault of the senses. Foiled expectations just when we thought we got it pinned down. How aggravating could it be! Even if i couldn't give solace to my ambivalent emotions, i always choose to move on and make sure that it wouldn't hit my other relationships likewise. Could i bridge the gap between two sides under which the river of life could flow freely?

Life has its own way of compelling things by the sheer need of it.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

where's Sweetie?

can you find my car "sweetie"?

silip silip

Tinatamad ako mag blog nitong mga nakaraang araw.
Minsan ganun talaga.
Tanghali na sumisikat ang araw.
Nauubusan ng langis ang makina.
Nauubusan ng tinta ang pluma.

Pero makakabalik din naman ako
Kahit bago magpasko
tuloy-tuloy ulit ang mga kwento.

Magkukubli muna ako.
Pasilip-silip paminsan-minsan.
Sawsaw konti, isang kutsarang wika.
Isang ngiti, nakaw na pagkalinga.

Andito lang naman ako.
Andito lang.
sa puso ninyo.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I was motivated by my sentiments than my utter reasons.

I quit my part-time job.

I was motivated by my sentiments than my utter reasons.

I have always loved teaching and no one can truly belabor the virtues of it.

But some realities obtrude so violently you don't need statistics to drive them home.

I was stressed. physically tired. mentally absent.

After a string of complaints i had professed last semester in my continuous quest to provide quality education and the best learning experience to my students, i am supposed to sail again in the same ocean of misery come 2nd semester. I chose not to enumerate those misery so as to avoid any edge of derision. Ambivalence would be my only response.

I am content to do what i could for the sheer love of it. And so that explains how i tried so very hard to bridge the gap between the students' necessity and the colegio's capability in a room buzzing with hopes and dreams of tomorrow's nation builders. But i was pushed to reach beyond my own grasp. A toss-up which made me cringe more: to continue my own noble act of pedagogics or to risk my own health as i have been so sick for the past few months.

Who am i trying to con here?

I was motivated by my sentiments than my utter reasons.

I felt a twinge of guilt as i pass the IT building and saw my supposed students waiting in front of the B-laboratory . I called on Milben, one of the students in the class and an old friend of mine and told him that they will have no Autocad class for the moment, as i have resigned already. He was asking for reasons, but i just answered him a smile. Really breaks my heart though. Seeing also the confusion running through the faces of all other students while watching me and Milben talked, i hated the wave of guilt that is swept through me. But i have to contain the rush of emotions that is pulsing through me, i have already decided and this is it. Milben then said, "Ate sandali lang may ibibigay ako syo.." he went back to his things near the classroom, then ran back to me and handed me a Knight Publication "Pilantik" Literary Folio. I again flourished a smile, thanked him, and told him to inform all his classmates to check out other details at the dean's office. I then shot my last glance at them, the images moved me to the depths of my soul.

I myself couldn't even give solace to my crying soul, as i have exhausted all my efforts to improve the system, but to no avail.

And i also need to settle some time for myself so i could recover to full health.

Life has a way of compelling light in the darkness by the sheer need of it.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


i quit my part time job.
i quit teaching.
i quit.

there's too much pain in my heart.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


My own copy :)
Cheers to eraserheads!

got the myx mag issue featuring the eraserheads too

Monday, November 17, 2008



Friday, November 14, 2008

am i?

Am i really back?


November 10 since i have last posted and i still haven't got any to blabber on. Actually, I've too much but couldn't contain it in this den. Well, maybe there really are some things that i wouldn't want to be reminded about. haha....alam mo na un!!!

Anyways, just a sort of coming back from the grave, i got this very funny email from Karizza and i was really laughing to my hearts out while thinking at the back of my mind how dearfully our parents had wanted us to learn back then.

Para sa mga ulirang magulang at magiging magulang balang araw....

Parental Wisdom -Filipino Style

Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mumunti ngunit ginintuang butil na payo na nakuha ko sa aking mga magulang..

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay:

"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC :

"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC :

"Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine."

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY:

"Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM:

"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMINA:

"Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER:

"Ay naku!!! talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!"

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS:

"Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY:

"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang. Di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION :

"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING:

"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

15. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng DETERMINATION:

"Hanapin mo yung pinahahanap ko sa iyo, pag di mo nahanap, makikita mo!"

16. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR:

"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

17. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay Kung ano ang JUSTICE:

"Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak... tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo....

Panalo talaga si Inay at Itay!

Monday, November 10, 2008


I've been out for quite some time.

Madaming nangyari.


Eto na ulit ako.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


thanks JMARK for these wonderful works of art


i love you ely :D

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

BAGUIO BEANS by Jovito Cariño

Last weekend, Cel, Lance and I went to Baguio for a budget “R and R” in the company of some friends. We call ourselves Baguio Beans.

This is actually the revived version of Baguio Beans. The original group was composed of mainly office personnel of OSA (Office of Student Affairs in Letran-Calamba) and some selected student volunteers. It was in Baguio where that name was hatched, when we went there for an off-school evaluation and planning activity some four or five years ago; from then on, the group called itself with that tag.

I have long ago left Letran-Calamba but I remain in touch with the group. Sadly, efforts to organize a reunion with them have all been unfruitful; some were too busy to come, others were just too busy to text back; it’s probably their new priorities or maybe they have outgrown what Baguio Beans was.

Early this year however, I had a chance to meet two of the original members of the group (Avel and Ice) and apparently, they are interested too to revive the spirit of Baguio Beans, if not with the original group, at least with our other friends at the OSA. Many texts and a couple of meetings later, Baguio Beans, the revival, was born.

It was, as I said, a budget trip, the primary purpose being to come together rather than to come and see a particular place. Baguio was a common choice because of its accessibility and ease on our pockets. Per head cost includes P770 for a two-way bus fare, P250 lodging and P500 for meals; that’s roughly P1520 per person, throw in a few extra bucks for sundry expenses and the usual pasalubong (Cel and I restricted ourselves to 1/4 kilo of lettuce, three kinds of them, half a kilo of sweet peas and Romana peanuts).

To be able to join the trip, Cel and I decided to delay our June payment for the equity of the house where we are to due to move in soon. Despite our tight budget situation, we thought the trip was worth spending for. We realized it can be a great experience for us to bond as a family. It can also give Lance great moments to enjoy and remember before he goes back to school. It can also be a wonderful opportunity for Cel and I to reconnect with our friends and to refresh, as I said, old ties. When it comes to family and friends, cost is not a mere expense but investment.

We have a rather interesting set of friends in Baguio Beans. None of them are our contemporaries nor batchmates nor officemates. They are former student-volunteers at the OSA of Letran-Calamba where Cel and I used to work. We are working in different schools now and these friends have long graduated from college too yet our bond with them remains tight-knit and communication, constant. Avel is no longer a staff at OSA but he’s still working in Letran-Calamba at the HR Department; Joseph is still attached with Letran but hooked with a different girl now; Ice is already an Engineer, has found a charming girlfriend (but she was not in the trip), and is now hunting for a more challenging job after quitting his previous work; Lois is also an Engineer, is still tied to her first work of five years but is no longer tied with her boyfriend of five-years also (sad...); Jack is already married, is still working as a management staff of Caleruega Retreat House while her husband Rommel is in Mexico busy earning dollars; Jack is also a self-confessed collector (read: addict) of flip-flops specifically, Havaianas.

The trip was fun, every moment of it and it sure was a great proof that one that does not need to be extra moneyed to experience life at its sweetest; one only needs the heart to be happy and a set of friends to share it with.

There are friendly people and there are friends.

Friendly people can easily charm you with a smile, make you feel at ease at the first instance of conversation, win you over with a simple inflection of voice. This type you can meet in sales agents, in insurance underwriters, in politicians, in practically every person who make you feel special because they need something from you (the user-friendly type). In their eyes, you are important because you are a prospective provider of what they need.

Friends are a different breed. They are people you grow up with, people who allow you to discover themselves as you likewise discover yourself; they are people who let you in into their inner spaces, without inhibition, without pretension, and in their stark simplicity, make you feel at home. They are the kind of people who can make a trip to Baguio in two compressed days such an easy feat. The body aches, the empty wallet afterwards and the eyes screaming for sleep are but puny remembrances of an experience that is hard to forget as it is difficult to forego because it is very, very rare.


tama ka aris. masarap talaga 'to basahin paulit-ulit.


It was a very stressful and depressing day.

My heart's been bleeding last night. I missed those important persons who have once colored my life. Been trying hard to get in touch with my Kuya Melvin but all my attempts have failed. Really got me into tears just before i closed my eyes. He must have forgotten his little sister :(

I missed also the coffeebean :(


Left the office at 9am for an outside monthly meeting of TSC in TBPC (Calamba). Went back at almost 3pm.

I was indeed stressed and depressed. My lifesaver has increased its requirements and i don't have any to spare. I couldn't get my work done, i am disturbed and I WANT TO DIE. Instantly.

But i just can't shoot myself and die.

I could always pretend to be happy and jolly and see the world in different ways. I could enjoy a very funny and interesting conversation without them knowing how painful i am feeling inside.


17:20] friend: wala ka klase?
[17:20] kerstinne25: wala pa
[17:20] friend: ahh sowi sembreak nga pala
[17:20] kerstinne25: sembreak pa
[17:20] kerstinne25: ) uu nga
[17:21] friend: hihihi
[17:21] friend: saya naman
[17:21] friend:
[17:21] friend: buti pa sila may sembreak
[17:21] kerstinne25: oo nga e
[17:21] kerstinne25: kami alang bakasyon
[17:21] kerstinne25:
[17:22] friend: ako din kaya
[17:22] friend: pero keri lang
[17:22] friend: ako gumagawa ng sarili ko bakasyon
[17:22] friend:
[17:22] kerstinne25: ako lging absent..undertym..etc
[17:22] friend: hehehe
[17:22] friend: kasi nga ang baba ng iyong engagement and satisfaction level
[17:22] friend:
[17:23] kerstinne25:
[17:23] kerstinne25: anu daw?
[17:23] friend: hahaha
[17:23] friend: work satisfaction and work engagement level mo
[17:23] friend: mababa
[17:24] friend:
[17:24] kerstinne25:
[17:24] friend: meron kasi kame nyan dito sa accenture
[17:25] Meebo Message: friend is offline


"kasi nga ang baba ng iyong engagement and satisfaction level"

hindi ko talaga agad naintindihan ito. off-topic ba or baka wala lang talaga ako sa sarili kanina. ang alam ko lang, may mga luhang nag uunahang pumatak. hindi ko na din alam kung para saan....