Friday, November 27, 2009


What strange directions, forks, crossings and detours life takes.

While i always see myself condemned to an eternity of torment, i had to scrounge for places to sack in. I always cringe at the thought that somehow, deep in the hollow, dark spaces where i confined myself, someone would find me, springing a fierce light like the kind that floods the surrounding in prison yards when the siren blares out an attempted escape. There you are Lois. No escape. No turning back.

Just the mere thought of it scares me. I have long commiserated to the caboodle of unfortunate events that happened in the course of my existence. Kismet. I still would shed a couple of tears just imagining the depths of despair i have gone through all of it. A reversal of fortune, or luck as they would have called it. Boundless grief and anxiety that has consumed the better of me.

Who doesn't hanker for heaven? Who doesn't want to be plucked from an obscurity? Who doesn't want at least one huge shot of adrenaline in the dying veins of hope?

At one point in my life, i almost gave up.

In my full flash of youth and vigor, in the frenzy of my life, i have thought only on the void of death. Surviving has staggered my mind to contemplate on something that so resolutely go against the will of heaven. It strikes me as bizarre that i have to act as if i am normal, as if i am like them, healthy, strong and carefree. I have taken part in the dramatic conceits everyone else is prone to or had made it a point to cultivate. But i found myself reveling in this misery instead of being miserable.

And then a hero comes along. (parang kanta lang ah. hahaha)

I was caught off guard when he scoured the lengths of the earth to burst the light at the end of my deepest darkness. My response was ambivalence. I have never imagined that my darkness would enter his reckoning, his bafflement.

(hindi pa tapos..uwi muna ko...hahhaha)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

let's go stargazing as soon as you're back.

Oft in the tranquil hour of night,
When stars illume the sky,
I gaze upon each orb of light,
And wish that thou wert by.
~George Linley

let's go stargazing as soon as you're back.

miss you much

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

You have no idea how much i'm missing you.

You have no idea how much i'm missing you.

Monday, November 23, 2009


You are the…

apple of my eye, mango of my pie, palaman of my tinapay, keso of my monay, teeth of my suklay, fingers on my kamay, blood in my atay, sala of my bahay, foundation of my tulay, seeds of my palay, best clothes in my ukay-ukay, calcium in my kalansay, calamansi on my siomai, knot on my tie, toyo on my kuchay, vitamins in my gulay, stars of my sky, sand of my Boracay, beauty of my Brunei, highlands of my Tagaytay, mole on my Ate Guy, baba of my Ai-Ai, spinach of my Popeye, sizzle when I fry, wind when I paypay, tungkod when I’m pilay, feeling when I’m high, shoulder when I cry, wings when I fly, prize when I vie, cure to my “ARAY!”....

... my SUPERHERO even after I die…

(got it from Bo Sanchez' blog entry, i just customized it by replacing the word Honey with Superhero.)

Sunday, November 22, 2009


A little smile,
a word of cheer,
A bit of love from someone near,
A little gift from one held dear,
best wishes for the coming year…
These make a Merry Christmas!

-John Greenleaf Whittier-

Saturday, November 21, 2009


I found myself in extreme longing in this cold morning of Saturday.

Groped for my mobile phone and dialed the most recent number on the list. THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER. (beep)

I could perceive my emotions with childlike ease. I frown because I'm sad. I smile because I'm happy.

Why am i calling a number that was just lost the afternoon before? I smiled.

I am damn missing someone here. wooooo hooooo.

There's a crispiness in the air that holds the promise of happiness this afternoon.

All seemed right with the world.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I wouldn't trade a hot cafe mocha drink, Kenny Rogers' grilled fish, bulalo lunch, crispy tawilis, and quickly taro special for all the riches of Tutankhamen.


Monday, November 16, 2009


Can't blog much for now.
Toxic work (as always. may bago ba?haha)
Will be back in a jiffy.
My boss is intoxicating me. hihihi.



Sunday, November 15, 2009


Saturday, November 14, 2009


Mood swings

Yesterday i was beating to the music of Firehouse. "Not just on Sunday, I love you everyday"... the song running through my brain like an audio on loop. It was dark around 6pm, the usual setting come Christmas season. Traffic was usually horrible on a friday (the 13th) as people disgorged on the roads elicited endless streams of honks from the passing vehicles.

I am on progressive dementia. I can recognize the progression i have made into healing the wounds of the past, and forgetting the painful memories that testified to my world in collision. Congratulations. Time had made me slowly conquer all demarcations, where it does not trivialize, but rather provoke me to ponder and reflect.

My point here? Nonsense.

I just dunno why i suddenly felt this vague sadness.

Mood swings. Happy yesterday, glummer today.

I suddenly want to be disconnected.


doing something fundamentally trivial is sometimes better than living a responsible life

Friday, November 13, 2009


SONY DSC W130 110909 12:51am

The moon smiled at me.
I was amazed how the beauty of the sky penetrated to the deepest recesses of my heart.
And i felt it.
And i knew it.


Thursday, November 12, 2009


Am thinking of ways to counter this feeling.
Am getting a bit... excited.
"Excited" isn't the right term maybe.
3 more nights, thursday night, friday night, saturday night.

I NEED A HERO by Chris Rice

Was I the only one to notice
That human nature doesn't work that way
They tell me if I look deep inside me
That I can find my own way
I only find a rebel and a fool there
Who won't admit that he's afraid
I thought I was holdin' on to freedom
But locked my soul up in chains
I need a hero
Who'll dare to find me
Fly to my rescue
And crash through the wall
Announce my freedom
Bring me to my senses
Gather me into His strong arms
And carry me safety
What is this talk about a Savior
Well does He listen, is He ever there?
And should I be asking Him directly?
But why should He consider my prayer?
Well, I don't quite know how to do this
But Jesus, I can't save myself
So here I go calling our for mercy
And crying out for Your help
(So if You hear me...)
I need a hero
Please dare to find me
Fly to my rescue
And crash through the wall
Announce my freedom
Bring me to my senses
Gather me into Your strong arms
And carry me off

Wednesday, November 11, 2009



Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I love Gerard Butler. I love you.



Monday, November 9, 2009

Love teaches you to hate

Love is so kind that it teaches you to sacrifice. Love is so great that shows you how to care. Love is so secured that it provides you happiness.

Unfortunately, love can be selfish because it teaches you to own somebody. It is cruel because it allows lovers to fall apart. It is rude because it provides barrier among friends. Love leaves you pain, burden, and tears. Love lets you do even the worst thing for others.

Love teaches you to hate.

from my Life Quotes of the day

Friday, November 6, 2009


Life (especially mine) is so short, so most of the times.. i make the most of it.

Well, not really the most of it. (There's blinding light that hindered the realization of a pursuit. Hahaha.)

I am talking about the little things and the trying out of something new that would fill my happiness tank.

I sometimes feel that i have missed out on some wicked things in my life because i have been sticking hard to the basic rules that were set in this cosmic earth, i have been 90% good all the time (10% go out to the crazy little things i do to myself out of my extreme schmaltz)

Sometimes, it's ok to break the rules i know. But i don't have enough courage to do it. Simply because i wasn't raised by my humble parents with any taint of delinquency. (Thanks nanay and tatay)

But last night, i jumped into some life threatening rule-breaking opportunity. hahaha.

Felt myself come alive.

You know na what it is.


Wednesday, November 4, 2009



Laugh trip muna. So tired of working hard.
Thanks Kariz for this. haha.


Maybe i just got so excited being appreciated again. But then, after some hasty realization, i just hell wished i am all alone.

Pains me to realize so many things. Sometimes, the cheap thrills would get in my better way of understanding the life i have to live. Ahhh, crappiness sweetie. To hell with it.

I woke up with a big lump in my heart, wondering why things can't go back to the way they were.



Good morning!