Tuesday, April 21, 2015


It's been donkey's years. Quite not sure if I'll be resurrecting this den, or will have a total revamp for pushing the stark reality to the surface of consciousness.

Let's just see :)

Sunday, December 1, 2013



Sent from my iPad

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


i never meant to desert this home. i was just out, exploring other means of survival.

Sunday, June 16, 2013


i miss you blog.

i'll be back

Thursday, June 13, 2013


Monday, May 20, 2013



Friday, April 26, 2013

Always in a limbo

April seems to pass by so quickly and i am barely six nights away from my favorite month of all months.
Haven't had any plans yet on how to get through this, as this would come in sheer anticipation and vague refusal in equal measure. The coming of my natal day marks my greatest existence that i almost lost about a decade ago, when i found out that i have to live with a malady for the rest of my life.  The coexistence has costs me a life that i wouldn't want my love ones to experience. I have journeyed to the deep-seated corners of despair and have braved the storms to feel even just a tiny speck of sunshine. And i am always reminded of this when a number is to be added to the years of my existence.

Always in a limbo.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

enchanting morning

There's so much about life that i don't understand. Most of the times, the simplest things are the most difficult to comprehend. Foremost, the difficult things are those that seep through the bottom and prick where the flesh is fresh and exposed.

To counter the feeling of confusion and uneasiness, i just enjoy every single moment that flicks in the theater of my life. No matter how hard it is to comprehend, it's the feeling of having something to comprehend that delights me the most. Life is not life if there's no mystery involved.

The greatest mystery is that there's not enough room to contain His love for us despite of all the life's hardest questions that we pose to Him. Despite of all the hardships and challenges that we face, we still wake up to beautiful mornings and that alone is the greatest of all the greatest mysteries to name.

It's indeed an enchanting morning.

Sunday, April 21, 2013


Crumpler Kransky

Welcome to my heart.

You want freedom, not limitations. Continuous cargo space, not contiguous compartments. To carry a load, not carry on about how to load it. Welcome then to the 100% pure lo fi simplicity of The Old Banger and Kransky duffle bags – population you.

Right-sized for sports of all sorts, the gym, pool, beach, one-nighters or anything involving a seven figure ransom in unmarked notes, these zippered hold-a-lots pack away 45 litres of stuff with seek and ye shall find convenience. They also feature a handy internal zippered utility pocket, plus an external zippered pocket with integrated key ring.

There goes the junkie in me.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

If Only by Dave Matthews Band

"If Only"
Dave Matthews Band

Oh yeah
Some days it's so easy
Sometimes I forget how
Much I want you back again
Back again

Well maybe it's a game
You win some and you lose some
But when you've found a good one
Don't you let her get away
Don't let her go

Oh yeah
If only I could have you
Just the way I want you
Oh, to have you back again
Back again baby

Oh, I'm just a fool baby
Playing Mr. Cool baby
Rolling round like I got nothing much to lose
But I know you and you know me
And I know you can see
So help me find my way back to you
Back to you

Walking past your window
You used to smile and throw
Your sweet kisses back to me
Back to me

Oh yeah
Remember when I asked you
If you'd be my one true
It seems like yesterday
Just like yesterday

Oh yeah, and I'm just a fool baby
Playing Mr. Cool baby
Rolling round like I got nothing much to lose
But I know you and you know me
And I know you can see
So help me get my way back to you
Back to you

I want you so take me back please
Take me back my baby

If only I could have you
Just the way I want you

I'm just a fool baby
Playing Mr. Cool baby
Rolling round like I got nothing much to lose babe
But I know you and you know me
And I know you can see
So help me get my way back to you

I want you so take me back please
Take me back my baby

If only I could have you
Just the way I want to
Just the way I was

You get your heart broken with a slight hint of ignorance.

You get your heart broken with a slight hint of ignorance.

I know i always do. The broken heart thingy. I have been keeping this for myself, and last night was just too much. 

I cannot contain it. I know i could have blurted out what this pumping unit has been keeping all those silly times, but i just couldn't. It wouldn't be right. So for the nth time, i just have to keep it to myself and witness how it will all go down the drain, without anyone knowing it.

I will never have the courage to say what i really want to. My actions will always speak for me, and however and whatever it is interpreted, it will be my only contentment.

I will always care.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Kill Joy

It's so confusing at times to pinpoint what i am nursing between the two: the malady or my existence.

Most of the times, i am so blinded by the consequences of this malady that i missed out on the glitter of my existence. Obvious times when i would just wallow in the darkest corner and prohibit interaction with known species. Hibernation to non-existence. Fear of inflicting harm to others. Name it, i have all the reasons not to splurge on the gaiety life has to offer. Kill Joy.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

slumber 2

I haven't been in touch for quite some time. Recently, I had this knack for mum-keeping, my heart and mind conniving to conceal the details of my human emotion, choosing pedestrian and triviality over pompous proclamations. Having been in a few mess myself, i decided to temporarily restrain the princess in me from getting stuck in a bog for longer periods of time.

So there goes my juices. Lurking beneath its deepest slumber.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


I had the urge to abandon this nook, but i know i just couldn't. My pen had been in hiatus for quite some time, left undisturbed by the passing of time and the life that flicks through the screen of my reality. I chose to let my pen rests on its deep slumber, while i battle and conquer on what i so called adventure of the unknown.

Thursday, January 24, 2013


times like these when i feel like a dork.

it's frustrating.

i've never been into this kind of mess.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

bright lights

because the lights are so bright i couldn't just ignore the coming of the season.. 
and then i remember..

i am just alone.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Passion is indeed a profession.

A woman passionately pours herself in a canvass during the sun's highest peak. It's one of those lunch-outs that i stumble upon something that so resolutely radiates inside me as well. Passion is indeed a profession.

Sunday, December 9, 2012


I have been acting irreponsibly for the past weeks. Committing an honest mistake is enough to get me back to my senses.

It's been way difficult. But I have to bear the consequences of my actions.

Nuff said.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Awkward seatmate

That awkward feeling of sitting beside a very sleepy girl that bounces her head on and off my shoulder, of being worried that in any minute, her drool would gush on my sleeve. Ye, I missed the nap I could have enjoyed just because her head is so heavy it felt like a boulder is on my shoulder.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Tuesday, November 13, 2012


i don't know if i could still keep this. i've been madly crushed for quite a long time, never knowing when this emotion would stop rushing. in a limbo of whether to keep still or surrender. sometimes, silence is the best option.


"ang sabi nga ng iba, kung talagang mahal mo sya, hahayaan mong lumisan..."

by johnoy danao

Saturday, November 3, 2012



Saturday, October 27, 2012


Polished professional. Aspiring Amateur. Happy snappy chappy or chapette. It makes no difference.

Crumpler 7 Million Dollar Home.

Feel at home.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


the pinky survived the torrential splashes of water and detergent. 
Oh such a lucky drive.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Stormed the LTO for a late car registration. My sweetie had been stuck for an era of laziness and busyness, the latter being a cover up for the previous one. Seriously, I lost the time for my auto maintenance, working 40kms apart from my den plus the toxicity of the metro travel had been very tedious. I would go home very late,and leave earlier than the rising of the sun. So I practically really do not have the luxury of time to check how my sweetie had been nursing its troubles. Oh poor baby.

So here I am, sitting next to the flock of men while patiently waiting for the licenses and registrations. The ratio of men and women processing their LTO thingy is about 1:10, that for every 10 men, there is 1 woman wishing for at least one courageous man to take over the hassle of processing government mandated papers. I know that's hasty generalization. Haha. But personally, I wish I didn't have to go here and sweat the boredom of idle hours. But heck, better to have the wealth of experience. (Such an excuse for the looser in me.lol)

Two hours had already passed and I am still the wasted princess seated at the back side of the waiting area. What the hell happened to my papers, I screamed at the back burners of my brain. I have packed a lot of patience before going here this morning, and I'm very afraid it is slowly depleting. Oh recharge me please with the calmness of the spirit.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld


I would have instantly died of nervous breakdown this afternoon. It has been a very rough day, after knowing what my uncle has done that irked me the most, among the many misfortunes I have stumbled upon. I am crazy, because I do not know how to cushion the blow. It would have been better had I exploded into bits and pieces beyond recognition. Might have made my soul at peace with the numbness of the pain that has been perforating my heart. Insanity is an ally.

While my sister was asking me this,"Are we dumb to suffer like this?" I was all the while condemning myself to an eternity of torment. The thing that hurt me the most is the realization that at some point in time, people will fail you big time, loveones will transform to epic fail modern-day hero, and un-met expectations are bound to frustrate you. Things will go way out of whack no matter how you try to patch things up. Such a distress for the damsel in me.

I do not know how to pacify the anger that is brewing in full blast, but I do hope that the god of somnolence will usher me to dreamland. I am so full of stress and pain that render me sleepless in a lonely night like this.

Crazy me, stupid me.

Good morning.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Monday, September 24, 2012


I do not know where to start. I seem to have lost a lot of juices after everything that has happened.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

back again

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


The early bird catching the early worm doesn't always get all the luck. Like I was earlier way than the usual to catch an early commute to Manila, and right when we were in the rush at the Slex, my boss sent a message to the team that we can opt not to work today for everyone's safety. Talk about love of work :))

Well, I was thinking about these:


All night long

It rained hard all night. Praying for everyone's safety.

God bless us all.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Monday, August 6, 2012


Wow. It's been rainin' harder than the usual. Now on it's 3rd week :))

I seem to feel the rain like the job and responsibilities that has been passed on to me today. Overwhelming. Heavy-duty. Gazillions.

More of like a practice I guess. It's stressful but more of a challenge. At one point in my life I wish I am a super heroine, but not sooooo soon as this one :)) I'm still in shock as of the moment, maybe it will take me a week to get the hang of it. Tell me how do I go around the full-blast showers of change orders, billings, evaluations, inspections, schedules, design revisions, installations, minutes of meetings, presentations, reports of mechanical, electrical, plumbing, fire protection and safety. Or how do I go around and muster enough courage and confidence to plunge in this bigger pond. First things first, I need a much needed rest to face tomorrow.

I think it's better for me to take advantage of the weather tonight and rest my weary heart and mind.

Cold night and all alone, the melancholy whispers a memory.

Goodnight happiness. 

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Sunday, August 5, 2012


Spent my Saturday and Sunday with my sisters :) It's a blessed weekend with them, along with my nephews, who have already stolen my heart the day they were born.

I think I have gotten over the dilemma of my central pumping unit. Quite possibly. I have been occupied with household duties that I no longer have the time to wallow in missing my happiness. That instead of going over and over why things seems to prick here and there, got myself busy weeding out the grasses in the backyard here and there. That instead of thinking how my life would have been different if I didn't do the things I did back then, I got myself into hoping that tomorrow would be entirely better because I will strive my very best for my happiness. Sometimes, busyness could put your life into a new perspective.

It's still raining, and the news says showers will continue till the end of the week,or even longer. I hope no one would be harmed, I'm praying for everyone's safety. Tomorrow is yet another challenge, with MEPFS on my shoulder at work, I ask the Lord almighty to give me enough strength and wisdom to overcome the challenges I am about to face.

May the Lord bless me and keep me.

Good night world.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Friday, August 3, 2012

still raining

It's still raining.

I mean, it's frantically raining since last week. I just had the slightest peek of the sun in minutes, and then the heavens again wept. It's been muddy all over the place, civil works and site development had been put to intermittent halts that resulted to delays and lags in schedule. My trusty safety shoes which used to endure the test of strength in a metal forging environment wasn't able to withstand the force of nature, the searing heat of the great ball of fire and the copious weeping of the heavens. Quite the same, I've been feeling sh!++y for the last few days and i hell wish that this boredom shall eventually fade into oblivion. The curses of this solitude had bore a great weight on my shoulders, and if i am to act too slovenly i would eventually find myself stuck in that darkest corner again.

Unfortunately for me, i am still an awkward turtle wanting to pass this challenge of confidence. I am too slow and too feeble, too weak and too stupid, to overcome the howling banters of depression. It has been gnawing at my soul at the very slightest instance, like a memory of a celebrated relationship that easily went down the drain. Ignorance cannot always be tolerated, if not easily shooed away. There will always be times of remembering, and while you can always relish first the goodness in one's relationship, it will always draw you at the end to the pains and regrets of that treasured connection, the could-be and what-ifs, with all the perforations brought to your soul. It pays to be an ignorant sometimes, or try if I must, to save myself from the tremors of regression.
It's still raining.

And yes, no matter how i try to avoid those weather-induced sh!t$, it resurface in itself. Must be residing somehow as pent-up emotions waiting for the perfect opportunity to punch when the sun isn't around. I will have to endure the weather then, with all its delays, lags and inconveniences.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Forever still holds true

Visiting my yesterday. 
No one can ever bring me that smile and comfort.
Sometimes, i wish there's timelock button where i could linger for that timeframe longer than i could ever want.
The sweetest days of my life.
No goodbyes.

Forever still holds true.
I know.
I am.
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