Friday, April 30, 2010


I am doin' good with my Leviticus diet >:)




My wiper broke down last night .. right when i was about to enter the SLEX. The right wiper blade set has loosen itself in its arm, i had to turn it off, had left my windshield some pretty scrapes which i have to deal with later. *crying out loud*

So i crawled the SLEX under the dark rainy night of Thursday with my very poor vision and squirming away from the hazards which could be incurred. And since I am having trouble driving at night lately, it was even aggravated by the damaged wiper and the out pour of furious showers. Man i could barely see! I drove beyond the limits of my visibility, the glare of oncoming lights amplified by the splashing waters on my windshield has increased my driving fatigue. Work fatigue and driving fatigue spell epic fail for me! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Safely home, I fell into a silence of collective retrospection.

Not my day yet, i say to myself.


Thursday, April 29, 2010


FIX ME :'(

it's another lonely and frightening night


fix me

Lord please

I had a dream last night and it came real today.
But then... it's more of a blessing.
Hope God will bless me with this opportunity.
Lord please.


Je: Kumakain ka pa din ng pork?
Lois: Noon hinde. Pero lately.. medyo...




Wistful thinking

Amidst all the inconveniences of having our house reconstructed, (insert here the dust, the heat, the ruins, the limited spaces and everything that make us desperate for temporary relocation) is the sheer pleasure of having that bright shining rock in the sky viewed right in front of my room's doorstep.


I admit, i am sucker for moon gazing. It has long sparked my imagination. I can still remember how i dreamt of being an astronomer during my younger years, having watched the grand spectacles in the sky, pricking my curiosity as a child. With the moon dominating the biggest canvas above at night, it is indeed a wonder to behold.

I always feel a great sense of awe gazing at the most powerful object up there. Truly a magnificent view to the naked eye. But as always, i find myself struck with a catastrophe under the biggest pie in the sky:

Wistful thinking.

Extreme longingness.

I found myself retreating under the fire of internal weeping, the ones that flood my soul but keep my face all dried up. All those feelings carefully hidden, desperately crawled out from my very own hole of yearning.

I hate the fact that my every night always end up as a drag. I take a glance off the moon, and wish, hope and pray for a better tomorrow.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010


puleaze doncha make me miz yah dis mux.



When you talk shit to friend B about friend A, make sure you don't send your message about friend A to friend A. Or that would be EPIC FAIL.



Coming out from the forging plant on a 12-hour shift (OT: 4hrs.hehe) had me very exhausted and debilitated. I almost thought i am some kind of fireworks depository, the chaotic and riotous ways of boosting productivity in the office had been consuming all of us here.

I was stricken with such glorious monument of beauty as i raise my face towards the moon while walking to the parking lot. The moon was almost in its full, its awesomeness had unleashed in me a flood of memories that i had been so desperately holding in my heart.

Cruising along the road, i could feel a rush of exaltation as i could sense the moon springing illumination in this dark night of mine. I couldn't help but glance at it even for a split second, flicking past the trees and buildings along the greenfield parkway.

Ahhh the moon. I so love it. It is as if it's staring right through my soul.

But something about the moon rang a bell in my cluttered soul. Is he seeing the moon as i see it this night? How bout a cup of french vanilla as we cuddle up underneath its majestic glow?

Poor me.

Longingness at its finest.

After a 45-degree turn at the Pulo Diezmo Road, i found the moon staring blandly at me, its attention wavering, until the dark clouds desperately crawl in front of it. The moon suddenly disappeared, i was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences, tears brimming in my very eyes, and i am in my dire struggle to holding it for long, careful not to let loose of any single drop. The moon quickly appeared, as if on a peek-a-boo play with me, and it positioned itself on a strange cloud formation, like an eye of a wolf howling in the deepest of the night.

I pulled over, with my trembling hands, quickly grope for my pink Sony point and shoot inside my bag.

Half press. Focus. CLICK.

Tears gathered at the edge of my very eyes. I just then realized .. i am wolf chiming in with yowling noises that nobody could hear.

"Wherever you are, and no matter what's going on in your life, when it's the first night of the full moon, I want you to find it in the night time sky. I want you to think about me and the week we shared, because wherever I am, no matter what's going on in my life, that's exactly what i'll be doing. If we can't be together, at least we can share that, and maybe between the two of us, we can make this last forever" (Nicholas Sparks: Dear John)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I didn't beat the red light

The Sta.Rosa-bound vehicles were speeding on a red traffic light on the Greenfield Intersection. I wasn't enticed to doing it, even if it meant maximizing the grace period again (and again! haha). No not this morning, i say to myself, as i slowed down and gently put some weight on the brake pedals.

I waited for minutes until the lights flashed green and sped up past the intersection. Revved the engine harder and was able to reach the office in no less than a minute.

+1 for me this morning.


I didn't beat the red light.

That's something to be proud of.


GodWhispers []

Monday, April 26, 2010


i love this

Are you a carrot, an egg, or coffee beans?

One day, a young woman came to her grandfather and cried on his shoulder. She told him of her many problems. She felt so overwhelmed by them. It seemed like everything in her life was going wrong.

After she wept many tears, the old man told her, “Let’s go to the kitchen. I have something to show you.”

In the kitchen, the grandfather prepared three pots of water on the cooking range. On the first pot, he placed carrots. On the second pot, he placed eggs. On the third pot, he placed coffee beans. And he lit the fire beneath each of them.

For twenty minutes, they sat in silence as the fire heated the pots. After twenty minutes, the grandfather said, “If you notice, the fire underneath the pots are the same. Same heat. Same temperature. Yet you’ll notice how different things react to the fire.”

He fished out the carrots and placed it in a bowl. He made his granddaughter touch it.

“It’s soft,” she said.

He got an egg, broke it, and gave it to her.

“Hard boiled,” she said.

Finally, he opened the coffee pot—its fragrance filling the room. He poured a cup for her. She took a sip.

“That’s nice,” she said, “thanks, grandpa. But what does this all mean?”

He said, “Child, you’re going through fire. You’re going through trials. Everybody does. But how are you reacting? Are you like the carrot who thought it was hard and strong, but when the fire came, it became weak and lost all its strength? Or are you like the egg that had a malleable spirit and a tender heart, but when trials came, hardened its heart? Or are you like the coffee bean? The fire released its flavor and aroma. Your trials can release your gifts and dreams. Your trials can set you free. So tell me, are you a carrot, an egg, or coffee beans?”

excerpt from:

Kape kape tayo :)


It's a very busy week starter and I'm loaded with lotsa work. Whew. Missed the Southern Reflections shoot yesterday, got trapped inside the mess of my dad's house for renovation.

Been keeping myself busy the past few days :) Admittedly, there are rock-bottom days which i have to pass through, by hook or by crook. I'm missing the coffee sessions with quick banters. I always find myself slumped in front of the bookshelves just to get through each day. I hell wish things were like the same as before.

I miss u. Whoever you are. Whatever you are.

I'm just here. Waiting.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


salamat meannetot!!!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010


sa 20-minute power nap, napanaginipan pa kita.
karera tayo ulit.

Friday, April 23, 2010


God's whisper for me today reminded me of a conversation i had a few days ago.

lois: san ka now?
je: kasama mo.
lois: weh?
je: lagi naman di ba?


I know ryt?

Sometimes, distance isn't defined by the number of rivers, oceans and mountains in between, nor the passing of time or the condition of being far-off. And loving someone is most of the times a full-time job, no matter how great the distance is.

Just close your eyes and feel it deep within your heart.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Had a great dinner.

Jabi burger steak never tasted this good.

Thanks God.

It's true that the resting place of the mind is the heart.




Smile na lang.

Crying won't help.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010





patience is a virtue

patience is a virtue :))

PABLO NERUDA on my mind.

>> if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

memorize ko na sya.
repeat after me


gulp gulp gulp

ohh la la la

parang may hang-over lang


There's so much about alcohol that makes anybody crave for it as a respite.


One time big time lang naman.

Sometimes it feels good to break the rules.

I wanna do it all over again.

Tagay paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

happy 420

It's Happy 420 today and it feels like .... high :))

Ok. I've been way beyond my senses and i gotta stop this misery.

Misery loves company, i know.

Cheers muna!

Tagay paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Syet. I supermiss the hero.



minsan gusto mo lang sumigaw ng sumigaw hanggang sa makondisyon mo ang sarili mo na



Ganun talaga.

Tanga ka e


Monday, April 19, 2010


Like most humanoids, I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the 'monkey mind' - the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl. From the distant past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes along with the thinking. Happy thoughts make me happy, but - whoop! - how quickly I swing again into obsessive worry, blowing the mood; and then it's the remembrance of an angry moment and I start to get hot and pissed off all over again; and then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself, and loneliness follows promptly.

You are, after all, what you think.

Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.

Elizabeth Gilbert - Eat, Pray, Love



Lois is tossing and turning forever, never havin' a good night sleep, nor having her stomach filled.
She's beatin' herself up for being such a fiasco in life.

And wearin' her wishbone where her backbone oughtta be.



two hearts... one pair

150 sunsets
150 hopes
150 dreams

will there still be tomorrow?

Saturday, April 17, 2010


minsan ayoko ng mag try.
ganun din naman e.
bilog ang mundo.
tsk tsk tsk.

promise bukas ayoko na.

tama na muna.


Bookstore for me is one of the best places here on earth where i could tame those little demons masquerading as stress and depression inside me.

I basically have a large databank of almost all available photography resources out there... but i would, if i could, secure the hard copy of all those ebooks.

akin na lang lahat!!!

Here's another... gusto ko din to!!! I was surprised to see myself addicted to Mr. Francis Kong. Too bad my pockets are always kinda empty .. gotta save up to have at least one in my shelf :D

baka lang merong gusto magregalo sa kin sa birthday ko..



Thursday, April 15, 2010


HEAVEN: sipping hot coffee while driving with 99.5rt's disenchanted kingdom on the background

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


Remember this: If you do not want to hit bottom - stop digging the hole.

Depression is a killer and if you don't have a personal toolbox that contains depression busters then you may just add one more problem to the many you already have.

-Francis Kong
12 ways to fight depression

“If there be a hell upon earth, it is to be found in the melancholy man's heart.” - Robert Burton


Lois, you are the big fish in a small stagnant pond. Why not try stirring that small stagnant pond first before jumping into a big pond full of large fishes?

Sir, I did try to stir the small pond but to no avail. I am up for the challenge of diving to the large pond full of large fishes. Take the risk if i must, as life is but one.

aabot kaya ako sa next level?


I Know I Am But Summer To Your Heart

I know I am but summer to your heart,
And not the full four seasons of the year;
And you must welcome from another part
Such noble moods as are not mine, my dear.
No gracious weight of golden fruits to sell
Have I, nor any wise and wintry thing;
And I have loved you all too long and well
To carry still the high sweet breast of Spring.
Wherefore I say: O love, as summer goes,
I must be gone, steal forth with silent drums,
That you may hail anew the bird and rose
When I come back to you, as summer comes.
Else will you seek, at some not distant time,
Even your summer in another clime.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Monday, April 12, 2010

i just want to hide here.
i'm extremely sad.


i just want to hide here.
i'm extremely sad.
who the hell cares about my blood?

Hate stoking the embers too my qq.

Hate stoking the embers too my qq.


San Felipe, Zambales Sunset / 040910

Pity me not because the light of day
At close of day no longer walks the sky;
Pity me not for beauties passed away
From field and thicket as the year goes by;
Pity me not the waning of the moon,
Nor that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,
Nor that a man’s desire is hushed so soon,
And you no longer look with love on me.

This love I have known always: love is no more
Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,
Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,
Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.

Pity Me Not by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Refuse to be bitter

Because it's Monday and i don't wanna to spoil my whole week.. i kept my fingers from pounding the hell out of my keyboard.

That abstinence has expired NOW.

I was tuned in this morning to 99.5rt's disenchanted kingdom segment and it was indeed an amusing conversation with the DJs discussion on what could be worst than waking up to a Monday morning.

I would, if i could, called up the station and relate to them what had just happened the moment i stepped in the company premises, worst than waking up to a Monday morning.

>>> Someone refused to see and talk to me after being bitter for not having been invited to the out of town vacation we had this weekend. I wasn't even the organizer, i was just also invited, and i couldn't tag her along, not only for the reason that the organizer didn't want her to be around, but also for some obvious financial complications. Add to that, there wasn't available space for an additional person outside the planned logistics. Well, here's the thing, when she saw me inside the locker room this morning, she refused to enter thinking all the while that i hadn't noticed her peeking behind the shelves. Hmmmnnn. Let alone her bitterness. Funny thing, i also refused to give her my pasalubong. hahaha.

>>> Someone tried to use my pc here at my workstation. Failing to log in to windows, he/she just left my pc open for 3days and 11 hours. What the "insert here the F word here"

>>> I instructed the new lady engineers to lock the door of our comfort room so as not to be abused by production people come nightshift. Lo and behold, they left it open for everybody's use... for three straight days! Epic Fail!

Well, waking up to a Monday Morning hasn't always been a worst thing. Forcing myself to wake up to another week starter and facing the boss and feeling-boss here at work has always reminded me that i am such one lucky two-legged creature blessed with a six-day per week job that enables me to post an entry here in my blog. Clap clap clap.

So let alone my own spasms of anger.. i got a booster from the best of the best..


God forgive me for my kamalditahan. Sorry na po :)

find someone who's worth the torture

"It's impossible to find someone who will never hurt you... so do yourself a favor:
Get the next best thing... find someone who's worth the torture."

- got this from Yohan's stat on facebook :D

Thursday, April 8, 2010

beating the red light

I was stricken with such a dumb spasm of urgency this morning.

I beat the red light at the Greenfield intersection.


Am I on my riotous ways of transformation?

Wag naman.

Magari. *in Italian accent*

Sometimes there are a couple of bullets that i need to bite in order for me to stay happy as i would have always wanted to be. My life has been pretty chaotic lately, bringing me changes that i could not have anticipated.

Well.. well.. well..

I'm moving on :)

and beating the RED LIGHTS of my life.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

cruel tricks

Life played cruel tricks on me today.

I received a message from someone that has long forgotten my existence.
Firehouse music was being played in the supermarket Lai and I have gone this evening.
.............'You know you're everything to me and I could never see
.............The two of us apart
.............And you know I give myself to you and no matter what you do
.............I promise you my heart

stoking the embers...


he's still alive and he'll soon be fine.

Monday, April 5, 2010


GOOD: Nakapulot kami ni Pareng Jay ng 50-peso bill sa parking 1st thing in the morning.
GOOD: Binigay ko kay Sir Rene ang 50-peso bill para makabawi sa nawala nyang 500-peso bill nung isang linggo.

NO GOOD: Tulo ang dugo at pawis ko pagsusukat sa stockyard.
GOOD: Binigay ko kay Segawa ang lay-out ng cutting stock material.
NO GOOD: Gusto nya ng ibang lay-out. Magsukat daw ako ulit. FTW.
GOOD: Nag enjoy ako kay QQ. sa aming LEECHENISM. (leech na, leche pa, inis pa, san ka pa! sama-sama na un day **bisaya accent** )

GOOD: Is reading clinical trial results presentation for a possible cure to my misery.
NO GOOD: Empty fuel tank
NO GOOD: Company ran out of gasoline
NO GOOD: TRAFIK PA! !#@$@!#$%
GOOD: Buti na lang meron pa kong 300 pesos, 6 liters din mahigit.

GOOD: Safely home.
GOOD: Will watch The Genius of Photography by BBC Part 1
NO GOOD: Nanghihina ako.



bookmark mo na kse.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sniper from the Bell Tower

Basilica de San Martin de Tours in Taal is the largest church in Asia, standing 96 meters long and 45 meters wide. The Augustinian Missionaries started construction in 1756, but it was destroyed when Taal volcano erupted in 1754. It took a century for the church to achieve its present form. St. Martin of Tours is the patron of Taal, whose feast is celebrated every November 11.

Taal Basilica was first built in present day San Nicolas, Batangas, by Fray.Deigo Espina in 1575 under the Augustinians, with San Martin de Tours as patron saint. In 1754 the church was destroyed along with the town Taal in the eruption of the Taal volcano. It was then that the church was transferred to its present site. Father Martin Aguirre donated the land for the new church in 1755, but in 1849 it was destroyed again by an earthquake. Construction of the new church began in 1856 to 1878, the Spanish architect Luciano Oliver commissioned to design and manage the construction of the present church. A small tower was made on its left side but it was destroyed during Japanese occupation. It was reconstructed later and it was then taller than the original. The church was made into a basilica on 8 December, 1954 and was declared a national shrine on January 16, 1974. The conical coronation of the Our Lady of Caysasay was also made in basilica in 1954. Taal Basilica is consider as the biggest church in the Philippines and in Asia.

Basilica de San Martin de Tours

Step up




ocular feasts


breathe in

a walk to remember

am no claustrophobic..
scary though

no escape

look up


get ready

A well spent Black Saturday.
Thanks God for the gift of friendship.
Thanks Ron, Jit, Ags.