Friday, September 30, 2011


I’m tired of being alone… so hurry up and get here

So tired of being alo-o-o-one.. so hurry up and get he-re



I am sooooooooo sleepy.

Just had cat naps the whole night, was damn waiting for the knight in shining armor to save the damsel in distress.

Unfortunately, none came.


Poor princess.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Test of patience

I passed today's test of patience: being stuck in traffic in a no-freon cooler. How cool is that :)


It's one of those days when i know i am not on track. No matter how i manage to stay in focus, i just can't.


Sabi ko walang dapat mawala sa focus. Everything will be fine. No matter what the outcome will be. Happiness or sadness, I have my own goals and targets to pursue. I must stay on my lane. No swerving.

My heart goes pump-a-pump. Racing, gasping, yearning. I need to catch my breath. I need to speed up the hours and expect to end my struggle. At least.

If it doesn't turn out the way i want it to be, so be it. Maybe it's the way it is supposed to be.

It's just that i am disturbed and damned.

I should have deleted some clusters in my memory.

Or in my life.





I seem to wait for the unknown. It's like there's always something to look forward to, but the fact is, i don't really know exactly. Or could it be that there is something that I really want but couldn't just accept that it might slip away?

Denial. Afraid of disappointments. Scared to be frustrated.

I want to be with my happiness.

What does the stir really mean? With happiness around, do I need to slack in my quest? Or should I continue chasing?

I do get tired sometimes.

But I am never giving up. I want my happiness. That's all I know for now.

No goodbyes.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


I need to stay in focus.

I am bit wary and excited.
Wary of the pains that could be inflicted upon me in my quest for happiness.
Excited for the happiness that would come my way.
Both emotions are at war.

I need to stay in focus.

But then again, there is a shimmer of hope.


tales in all its clashing beauty and ugliness

I've been pondering about my life and so many things, tales in all its clashing beauty and ugliness, of sublimity and hellishness, rage against the dying of the light, and the will to bring to the very pore the pulsations of life itself. Talk about the things in ways that do not just vastly entertain, but in ways in fact that provoke me to ponder and reflect.

I stumbled upon the spectacle of the impermanence of things and of the spirit flowering long after the flesh wither. Life itself is always challenged, and we are always drawn to stand the test of time and rise out of the muck. The very subliminal pitch of our own life's rally is that at the end of the day, we may enlighten the unseen in the grandest sense, and thrust the light powerfully towards the darkest corners.

The human worth is not found at the end of a life, it is found in the course of it. While i could use all the time as vast as the dessert to find the victory and defeat in the course of my very own struggles, i could at times see the world with unfamiliarity, or with that strangest familiarity of half-forgotten perceptions and sensations. Finding my worth is at times a haze.

As the world slowly wound down, the muttering retreats of our ragged lives drive us all home to the point that it is one thing to know something with our heads, but it is quite another to apprehend it with our five senses.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


again again again

Monday, September 26, 2011


The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.
- Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquietude


beat them

It's the dreaded rainy traffic Monday morning. I was stuck for an hour, but the good thing is that i was able to clock in on the dot.

One thing that sure feels great about the traffic is you get to spend more time when you're with someone special. Unfortunately, i don't have one beside me. ^_^ But it's cool. I get to ponder on so many things while beating the shits, honks, beeps and yells on the outside.

Cool morning everyone!

Sunday, September 25, 2011


Doorman Interior Door Handle
for sweetie

i need replacement.


Saturday, September 24, 2011

back to square one

I am going back to the deepest hole of darkness.

Bidding farewell to light.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


The world is afflicted with death and decay, and my boss, Mr. Segawa, is by himself a death and a decay.

Everyday is struggle. Without any offensive retort, I just let every harsh word he utters at my back, and avoid any lethal confrontation. Evil lurks in his idle mind; you bet I can pound the hell out of the keys as I am writing this.

To carefully hide these pains, frustrations and anger, and all those feelings of rebellion is no mean feat. I wish the cards had fallen differently on both of us. It was just yesterday when I had been his glorious monument, but now after a successful character demolition carefully planned by the inglorious bastards; I have now become a firework depository. One must always be prepared for the riotous endless ways of transformation. Yes, I was stricken with such a dumb spasm of death and decay, thank you Mr. Segawa for bringing me a serious anguish, frustration, despair and sadness, all emotions in disarray. These are all a couple of bullets I had to bite over the time to stay employed.

I know someday memories of him will flash with painful intensity. But for the mean time, I am very much trying harder to light a candle than curse this darkness. Tomorrow will be better Lois. Hang on.

Monday, September 19, 2011


Another weekstarter.

I dread the Monday mornings that I have to report to work. It's not that the workload is too unbearable for me, it's the feeling of pain, frustrations and disappointments that wimp me on the edge of death, rubbing salt on the wounds my former bosses had inflicted on me.

I never would want to end my service here in defense of tell tale signs of their evil intents. After being subjected in a larger scale of character demolition getting exaggerated as it spread around in a hurry, I may appear cynical on the outside but inside, I am innately hopeful. Hopeful that each of us may find time to stop in our own tracks and find ourselves in awe of truth as it resurface. I still believe that the truth shall prevail no matter how anchored they were in their own selfish beliefs.

I am hopeful that in the face of this bullying neighbor, God will bestow on me the gift of forgiveness.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Tanked up with life's chaos.

 Brimming with anger, disappointments and frustrations.

 Be brave little princess.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

hanging on to sanity

It feels like a Monday. My first day to report to work in a week, i have had my 2nd (unpaid!) long weekend. lol.

My heart is as heavy as a boulder, having to mind my own work with the persons who mess up my soul in the background. I can't even spare my former boss a glance after badmouthing, backbiting and backstabbing me along with my Japanese boss. True enough, their fave part of the human anatomy is the back because they never had the guts and courage to face people in front.

I am hanging on to sanity.

I just wish i could. Longer than i would have known. Braver than i could expect.

Friday, September 2, 2011


i remember the second time we the OSA SERVI decided to conquer the peak of Mt. Batulao.

and it was

i know it's taking me a painful journey to conquer myself.
but i know in time...


Thursday, September 1, 2011

HTC UnSync

Uninstalling HTC Sync . . .Goodbye Wildfire . . . I believe something better is coming my way :)