Monday, July 30, 2012

rain-induced boredom

Must be the weather. 


Poor weather always has to shoulder the blame why sentiments pour as many and as hard as the raindrops on some nights like these.

Then there's the pillow. The stupid desire to transform a lifeless stuffed cushion to a hugging element. I bet you would run as fast as you can once you start feeling your pillow press itself onto your body, or slowly wrap itself around you voluntarily.

Don't forget the sheets. If you'd like a warm sheet in cold nights like these, why not try heating it over a flame, or insert it in the microwave. Because the sheets can't get any warmer in itself, not as much as you could.

That is why i am blurting out my two cents in this space, because i don't want the weather, the pillow, nor the sheets to highlight my total alienation amidst the hum  and buzz of efficient technology. I am bored because i am indeed, bored in itself, bored in the miniscule sense of having no one to talk to, no one to hug, and no one to keep me warm.. in rainy nights like this. Oh yes, the weather. *face palm*

The tendency to be more self-centered is greater to those who live by themselves alone. I am no exception, in fact, i am at the center stage. While my chaotic life is silenced by the walls and ceilings that could only hear but not talk, my quiet life stand in contrast to the squalor that has been around for quite a long time. 

There is none i can do to counter my own sentiments in a rainy night like this.

on pulo-diezmo road repair

"There's road surface restoration I think periodically, but no provisions for drainage. So the road is periodically damaged too. More restoration/road repairs, more income. That's how the people's money work for the nation, or for the good of those who are more lucky :D" 
-Lois (syempre ako pa din!haha)


Traffic sucks the life out of me. The time it took me to reach the national hiway from SLEX exit is more than the time it took me to reach SLEX exit from Manila. I know it's getting into my nerves and to the thousands of nerves of all the passengers squeezed into this four-wheeled box. Heck, so this is the disdainful transformation of a small town to a toxic city!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld


so i'm now a stressful bee after the heavens wept copiously since yesterday. 

my office mates didn't report to work today, i am left with no choice but to act like a normal person.

too stressful, i forgot i poured cold water in my tumbler when i put the coffee granules.

someone needs a break. but it's only monday! 


Sunday, July 29, 2012

too bad

oh my. raining cats and dogs. howling wind. 
too bad the pillow doesn't hug back.

oryt. imma close mah eyes again.


i guess this sucks. my mind is off to work in advance, pondering about the critical areas for inspection tom. can i just clock-in now? hindi ako mapakali! uurrrgghhhh!

good night world

donned my pjs, rolled up the sheets, put hazam beside me. 
it's a cold night.
wish i could hug hazam. if only :))

good night world. lemme feel yah tom.


A well-spent Saturday Night with my OSA Servi Family.

Friday, July 27, 2012


had a hard time unplugging myself from the subscriptions and views of my old office mates and some unfamiliar people. sometimes, things are better left this way.


Thursday, July 26, 2012


who's afraid of heights?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

It's the feeling that sucks you into the vortex of desolation

It's the feeling that sucks you into the vortex of desolation.

I've been fighting over it in the last few nights, and i still haven't won the battle. The hardest battle is the fight between yourself, the one that shrinks your self-esteem into a raisin. 
For the last few nights, i've been tracing a smile on the moon's face, with high hopes that things would somehow get better, if only i could clear my mind with the disturbing thoughts brewing inside. 
The weakling in me has resurfaced.

Restless for the last few nights, i wish to lay down focused on a brighter tomorrow.

Been sleeping with Hazam beside for the last few nights.

missing sweetie

Dear Sweetie,

It's been a great test of patience. I've been wanting to be with you again, to spend some time alone while entertaining some repressed emotions that have been resurfacing once again. I've been meaning to make up with the lost time between us, to fill the gaps where we used to be together each day. You see, i have to endure our separation, not because i love you lesser now, but because i love you so much i need to save up for your restoration.

After all the ordeals we have gone through since the last quarter of 2011, i have loved you even more. My pockets were full of holes in my desire to keep you rolling. During those times when i have to leave you at home because of my fear of inflicting further troubles on your part, I wish I had enough to spare you from just collecting dusts at the garage. My heart bleeds for not being with you during the last days of work at the forging plant, my heart aches that I can't bring you now to share the joys brought by my new work.

I know I have kept you waiting for months in order to bring your life back. You know I have tried all the possibilities to keep you roaring once again. But as of the moment, the probability is still slim. Troubles sprout like mushrooms here and there, alternating between replacements and repairs. Admittedly, at times, surrendering is my only option, but at the end of the day, I am brought to the realization that I need you.

I will try my best to keep you, so that we can make more memories to last a lifetime.

I missed you so much sweetie.

Monday, July 23, 2012


Bumped my head hard while entering the van. I got really dizzy i saw butterflies and birds flying around.


Sunday, July 22, 2012


It's a cold evening.
But i'll get through with it.


Life must be lived as we go along

Stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, swim more rivers, climb more mountains, kiss more babies, count more stars. Laugh more and cry less. Go barefoot oftener. Eat more ice cream. Ride more merry-go-rounds. Watch more sunsets. Life must be lived as we go along. - Francis Kong


Saturday, July 21, 2012


by Bein Alameen
Everything has a cleansing agent. And fasting is the cleansing agent for the body.

Often a non-Muslim friend of mine never fails to ask me why do i fast during Ramadan and how do i survive a day without eating and drinking from sunrise to sunset. I always answer them "Its all in the mind and by the will of God". After all a human body can survive 8-14 days without water (depending on the person's well being and how fast sweat, urine, and tears are leaving the body) and up to 4 weeks without food (depending on conditions like weight, temperature, and exertion). Alhamdulillah I have been fasting during Ramadan for 6 blessed years now and Inshaallah every year I have been trying to improve the way i abstain from things that are forbidden and its not just the food and drinks.

On the scientific point of view fasting is good for the body, it is the cheapest and most practical way to detoxify from "harmful" substances that we may have been taken daily, knowingly and unknowingly. I remember prepping up for a medical exam involving stool and urine samples wherein the doctor orders to fast for at least 12 hrs. I'll leave the religious point of view for later; but with regards "physical" and/or "mental" well-being, I found myself more tranquil and peaceful whenever im fasting (Ramadan or not). The feeling of serenity and calmness, the smooth and almost choreographed flow of my movements, and my whole outlook leans towards positiveness - Who would want to exert more effort to be angry when hungry? no pun intended

And hey even Jesus Christ fasted for 40 days and 40 nights [Matthew 4:2]. If a person claims that he follows the True religion then he should emulate the teachings and actions of his teachers [Prophets]. So if ever some random stranger asks me again Why do I fast? I'll simply tell him ".... its because Jesus Christ did too".

And now for the more "Technical" part, enjoy reading... hope you won't get bored and somehow you'll pick up something informative and useful.

Fasting is another unique moral and spiritual characteristic of Islam. Literally defined, fasting means to abstain "completely" from foods, drinks, intimate intercourse and smoking, before the break of the dawn till sunset, during the entire month of Ramadan, the ninth month of the Islamic year. But if we restrict the meaning of the Islamic Fasting to this literal sense, we would be sadly mistaken.

When Islam introduced this matchless institution, it planted an ever-growing tree of infinite virtue and invaluable products. Here is an explanation of the spiritual meaning of the Islamic Fasting:
  • It teaches man the principle of sincere Love: because when he observes Fasting he does it out of deep love for God. And the man who loves God truly is a man who really knows what love is.
  • It equips man with a creative sense of hope and an optimistic outlook on life; because when he fasts he is hoping to please God and is seeking His Grace.
  • It imbues in man the genuine virtue of effective devotion, honest dedication and closeness to God; because when he fasts he does so for God and for His sake alone.
  • It cultivates in man a vigilant and sound conscience; because the fasting person keeps his fast in secret as well as in public. In fasting, especially, there is no mundane authority to check man's behavior or compel him to observe fasting. He keeps it to please God and satisfy his own conscience by being faithful in secret and in public. There is no better way to cultivate a sound conscience in man.
  • It indoctrinates man in patience and selflessness, as through fasting, he feels the pains of deprivation but he endures them patiently
  • It is an effective lesson in applied moderation and willpower.
  • Fasting also provides man with a transparent soul, a clear mind and a light body.
    It shows man a new way of wise savings and sound budgeting.
  • It enables man to master the art of Mature Adaptability. We can easily understand the point once we realize that fasting makes man change the entire course of his daily life. 
  • It grounds man in discipline and healthy survival.
  • It originates in man the real spirit of social belonging, unity and brotherhood, of equality before God as well as before the law.
  • It is a Godly prescription for self-reassurance and self-control.
Now, someone may be tempted to raise the objection: If this is the case with the Islamic institution of fasting, and if this is the picture of Islam in this aspect, why are the Muslims not living in a utopia? To such an objection we can only say that Muslims have lived in and enjoyed a utopia in a certain epoch of their history. The realization of that utopia was a phenomenon of a unique achievement in the history of man. We say unique, because no religion or social system other than Islam has ever been able to realize its ideals in reality.

The reason why the Islamic utopia is not being established nowadays is manifold and easily explicable. But to restrict our discussion to the institution of fasting we may say that some Muslims, unfortunately for them, do not observe the fast or, at best, adopt the attitude of indifference. On the other hand, some of those who observe it do not realize its true meaning and, as a result, derive very little benefit out of it or, in fact, no benefit at all.

That is why some Muslims today, do not enjoy the real privileges of fasting.
It has already been indicated that the period of obligatory fasting is the month of Ramadan. The daily period of observance starts before the break of the dawn and ends immediately after sunset. Normally there are accurate calendars to toll the exact time, but in the absence of such facilities one should consult one's watch and the sun's positions, together with the local newspapers, weather bureau, etc.

Fasting Ramadan is obligatory on every responsible and fit Muslim. But there are other times when it is recommended to make voluntary fasting, after the Traditions of Prophet Muhammad. Among these times are Mondays and Thursdays of every week, a few days of each month in the two months heralding the coming of Ramadan, i.e., Rajab and Sha'ban, six days after Ramadan following the 'Eid-ul-Fitr Day. Besides, it is always compensating to fast any day of any month of the year, except the 'Eid Days and Fridays when no Muslim should fast. 

However, we may repeat that the only obligatory fasting is that of Ramadan - which may be 29 or 30 days, depending on the moon's positions. This is a pillar of Islam, and any failure to observe it without reasonable excuses is a grave sin in the sight of God.

Who Must Fast?
Fasting Ramadan is compulsory upon every Muslim, male or female, who has these qualifications:
  • To be mentally and physically fit, which means to be sane and able.
  • To be of full age, the age of puberty and discretion, which is normally about fourteen. Children under this age should be encouraged to start this good practice on easy levels, so when they reach the age of puberty they will be mentally and physically prepared to observe fasting.
  • To be present at one's permanent settlement, your home town, one's farm, and one's business premises, etc. This means not to be on a journey of about fifty miles or more.
  • To be fairly certain that fasting is unlikely to cause you any harm, physical or mental, other than the normal reactions to hunger, thirst, etc.
Exemption From Fasting:
These said qualifications exclude the following categories:
  • Children under the age of puberty and discretion.
  • Insane people who are unaccountable for their deeds. People of these two categories are exempted from the duty of fist, and no compensation or any other substitute is enjoined on them.
  • Men and women who are too old and feeble to undertake the obligation of fast and bear its hardships. Such people are exempted from this duty, but they must offer, at least, one needy poor Muslim an average full meal or its value per person per day.
  • Sick people whose health is likely to be severely affected by the observance of fast. They may postpone the fast, as long as they are sick, to a later date and make up for it, a day for a day.
  • Travelers may break the fast temporarily during their travel only and make up for it in later days, a day for a dayPregnant women and women breast-feeding their children may also break the fast, if its observance is likely to endanger their own health or that of their infants. But they must make up for the fast at a delayed time, a day for a day.
  • Women in the -period of menstruation (of a maximum of ten days or of confinement (of a maximum of forty days).; They must postpone the fast till recovery and then make up for it, a day for a day.
It should be understood that here, like in all other Islamic undertakings, the intention must be made clear that this action is undertaken in obedience to God, in response to His command and out of love of Him.

The fast of any day of Ramadan becomes void by intentional eating or drinking or smoking or indulgence in any intimate intercourse, and by allowing anything to enter through the mouth into the interior parts of the body. And if this is done deliberately without any lawful reason, this is a major sin which only renewed repentance can expiate.

If anyone, through forgetfulness, does something that would ordinarily break the fast, 0a observance is not nullified, and his fast stands valid, provided he stops doing that thing the moment he realizes what he is doing.
On completion of the fast of Ramadan, the special charity known as Sadagat-ul-Fitr (charity of ' Fast-breaking) must be distributed before 'Eid-ul-Fitr (approximately), seven dollars per head.

General Recommendations:
It is strongly recommended by Prophet Muhammad to observe these practices especially during Ramadan:
  • To have a light meal before the break of the dawn, known as Suhoor.
  • To eat a few dates or start breaking the fast by plain water right after sunset, saying this prayer Allah humma laka sumna, wa 'ala rizqika aftarna. (O God! for Your sake have we fasted and now we break the fast with the food You have given us).
  • To make your meals as light as possible because, as the Prophet put it, the worst thing man can fill is his stomach.
  • To observe the supererogatory prayer known as Taraweeh.
  • To exchange social visits and intensify humanitarian services.
  • To increase the study and recitation of the Qur'an.
  • To exert the utmost in patience and humbleness.
  • To be extraordinarily cautious in using one's senses, one's mind and, especially, the tongue; to abstain from careless gossip and avoid all suspicious motions.
some excerpts borrowed from the writings of Dr. Arafat El-Ashi
Director - Muslim World League, Canada



got an email from my sis:


1) For one, you shouldn't leave because you don't like several people in the company, nor should you stay because of the friends you have made here. At the end of the day, it is your life. Your friends or "enemies" should not make or break your career. If you let them be the deciding factor, then maybe you should think twice. You are the craftsman of your fate and the captain of your ship. Captain Hook shouldn't be one of your worries!

2) Do not leave nor stay because of the "brand" of your company. If  that was the case, I would have rushed off and sign my JO in "C"! Ask yourself whether you want to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a bigger pond. Know your priorities. Only you can answer that.

3) Do not leave the company because you're so damn frustrated about the way things are being run, or stay because you have this "messianic complex" that you can change things overnight. Be realistic about the things.
Learn to accept that there is no perfect company. Be accepting that change is a slow and painful process at times and be thankful that you realize and act on things that can be changed and improved.

4) Definitely, do not leave or stay just because your parents want you to. I know I am advocating obedience to parents but again, we are talking about YOUR career. But learn to value their wisdom and discern well.

5) Money isn't everything. The package being offered now might be better but look at the long-term prospects. Do not leave or stay just solely on the compensation package. Look for growth prospects and review their career plans for you. Your immediate gains today might actually be a loss a few years from now if you do the Math.

6) Boredom is another challenge all professionals are faced with during lull periods in their career. Do not leave because you have become so bored with your job. Do not stay either because you want things as they are. Change is inevitable in any organization. Talk to your boss. Ask for more responsibilities or other tasks if you're bored. Enroll in a special course. If you're satisfied with the status quo and is just waiting for retirement hoping things will stay the same, you're in for a big disappointment - either you will be forced to change or you will be forced to leave. Be ready before that time comes. Boredom or complacency is perennial battle most professionals have to deal with. Arm yourself  with
creativity everyday!

7)Tonight I suggest you rest well. Sit still and listen to what He is saying. PRAY. I have always made my career decisions through His guidance. He was and still is my Career Adviser/Talent Manager. Your work, our
work, is a vocation. He knows us more than we know ourselves so trust Him for whatever plans He has for you. You can never go wrong.
Trust me it works!!!!

And remember: Use your head to get to the top. But use your heart to stay.

Thursday, July 19, 2012


honing my arabic tongue :) 
ill be better someday

4ae 4af

dear sweetie,
the long wait is over.
here i am.

lots of love,

Monday, July 16, 2012

just when

Just when I am so full of juice to spill, the net went out.
I'm sleeping with my hazam after an hour of flick.
Good nightie everyone.

Ps. Anifa's getting the carb tom.hopefully.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Saturday, July 14, 2012


PERSUASION by Bein Alameen *

Have you been in a situation where in your friend, colleague, relative, or even a total stranger pops up on your doorstep trying to persuade you in believing his/her ideologies which are at times weird, alien, strange, or just plain in opposition of yours? It sucks right? This is where the notion "what do you think?" when your friend asks your opinion about the dress she'll be wearing' on her date or the movie you just had  or to somebody you've both just met. Politically speaking, "what do you think?" is supposed to ask one's opinion on a subject matter; but in most cases, Reality that is, it is just a way of knowing if one's opinion is similar to yours - checking out if they agree with yours or not beforehand. Funny as it seems but true.

Now going back, think about it when persuasion occurs in lieu of religion or a certain religious point of view for that matter. Street preachers (sometimes on buses too), missionaries, and those guys who goes on tandem knocking at doors splurting out "share lang po namin ang mabuting balita" (we'll just share the good news) - i wish the news will be me winning some raffle draw or even a lottery jackpot, which i doubt to happen 'cause i haven't joined any for a very long time. Or some Clergyman asking be a freedom fighter and guarantee a spot in Jennah (heaven). Sometimes we shoo this people away, sometimes we entertain them.... but do we actually listen?

I remember a friend of mine going to the extent of pretending to be an atheist just to get away. I myself before have used the phrase "nagsusuri pa ako" (im still analyzing) - religion that is, which has become successful on repelling these approaches. Only got stumped when a family member said, "pano pag oras na ng paghuhukom, haharap ka ba sa diyos at sasabihin mong nagsusuri ka pa?" (What if it’s the hour of judgment, are you gonna tell god you're still analyzing?). 

That's the time I started taking religion seriously - man I was a loose cannon back then and even though my religious knowledge is mediocre, I always tend to go on sensitive debates and discussions armed with biblical verses and loopholes? Hoping to trump and get the opposing party humiliated without caring on religious impact. That's the danger of little sensitive knowledge + brash youth = expect the unexpected.

But as I grow older, to my surprise, wisdom and reason can be synonymous with each other. Even pondered.... what if the guy who worships cows has the true religion, or what if "that guy who founded a church" is truly an angel, and the "southern" clan is family of saints, not to mention animists and atheists? Man! Then eternal damnation is waiting for me for sure, for my beliefs are not even up par to theirs. Don’t get me wrong but I have much respect with Religions - Islam, Judaism, and Christianity; all practicing Monotheism or the belief in one true God.

All others, Sects, Cults, and Breakaway groups are make beliefs, politically motivated and unguided visions which only benefit their leaders/founders who promise salvation. and don’t ever feed me "what about Sunni, Shiite, Salafis, Sufis, Wahabbis, Sadrists, Hanbalis, Hanafis, Allawis... etc" I am a Muslim and my Creator guided me to be that way for I fear not on walking in the middle of the straight path and not choose sides. Bear in mind that we need to believe in the IDEALS and not some Shiny or Living IDOLS.

However my take on things on a religiously relevant topic is only on a personal level and not speaking on behalf of my own religion in general. I am but a student and my learning process only ends on my deathbed. I will try to answer queries and questions (with regards religion that is) as much as i possibly can.

It is true that my limited knowledge may not always have an exact answer to every query that i may encounter, wherein I am tasked to relay the question to whomsoever had the wisdom and maybe able to provide the answers later on. May the Almighty guide us on all our actions and opinions that we may not err our own Faith thru misconceptions, misinterpretations, or misunderstandings.     

 * Bein Alameen is a knight :)

Friday, July 13, 2012


He was so alive in my head just as he was the last time I saw him, so alive in the form of memories in the last time I was with him. When I retreat to happiness when the night gets long and world gets so weary, the entire milky way becomes full of raucous vitality. I can feel the fullness and energy of the stars and the moon rewarding me with a deep soulful stillness.

It was the greatest.

One does not simply overcome the pains of yesterday. I remember feeling like a stunted victim of a massacre. Indeed, tragedy is not limited to theater. But after so many moons that passed, the princess who had gone through the waves of sentimental and unsentimental trivialities had learned to tame the lurking nature of hurt and depression.

I have learned to cherish the things that mattered most and throw away the thorns of sorrow. It's astonishing how I could only live on the good memories I have with him, and walk through it when the day is at its darkest. I have let go of the reins and enjoy the ride of my life. But as always, he will forever be loved, cherished and adored, for all its worth.

You are always missed. 

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld


Still awake. O_o
Ye. Digesting some thoughts.
Lez do the sleepin.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Thursday, July 12, 2012


I'm kind of messed-up today.

Last night, I got this kind of feeling that my subconscious had thrown a big celebration, only to make me less productive for this day. Last time I checked, I put my physical self to the state of somnolence, rolled up the sheets and snoozed my way to dreamland. But I do feel tired this morning, like I didn't rest the whole night..which equates to my tardiness this morning.

I was more messed up when I was told of the mistakes I have committed in my work. Sure thing, it was an honest mistake, but was due to the fact that I wasn't even told of the standards or the right ones. I just couldn't give up especially with the thought that none here would teach me on how the way things work. I am trying so hard to discover things, learn the system and eventually learn from my own mistakes, recover from the state of low-esteem and push up for the best.

Bat ang iksi ng lunch break..di ako makatapos ng article :))
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Wednesday, July 11, 2012


I'm a tad sleepy, didn't get enough rest last night. Time passed by without a warning, got occupied loading my torrent list of applications and tutorials. I'm kind of giving myself just a week to finish all the setup, and I'll be good to go with my obligations in the virtual gigs.

I'm a bit loaded the past few days with some self-restoration.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

It's a feel good morning :)

I'm off to a seminar at the main office. An early bird I am, I'm an hour and a half earlier, having an hour and a half sleep. Spent quite a lot of time bonding with my hazam, and I'm not yet done with the installations and everything. I have discerned that this would happen, the geek in me slowly resurfacing to the fore after some time in hiatus. Forget about the soap and everything inside the boob tube, I could stream it on the net while doing some online works. Oh the power of multitasking :))
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Monday, July 9, 2012

ill be back

I have been missing in action for quite some time. Since i left the forging plant, seldom do i find time to pen some thoughts. Must be due to the calmness in my heart that i have been much enjoying in my new adventure. 

I know i left the forging plant with a very heavy heart. Up to the last minute, it has been shattered into pieces by the very head of the company. What a memorable way to part ways with the place that took advantage of me  for nine years. 

I'll be back :)