Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I just had a weird dream last night. Dreamt about ysm. How could he be able to penetrate my dreams even up to this moment in time?

Don't get me wrong. I've moved on from the tremors and pain brought about by our broken six-year relationship (monogamous? or polygamous? haha. ikaw lang makakasagot nyan) I am happy and contented with my life right now as heaven disgorges all its wonderful blessings to me.

Maybe some glitches in the unusual processing of my stubborn mind.

Maybe it was due to his natal day. 120408 and i chose not to drop any message for him. I believe that it would brought "them" (read: Meanne and others) the peace of mind that all of them were both longing, if their own version of peace of mind could be defined as not having any form of my existence in their everyday lives. On the other hand, i also have my own version of the word desperation. It is the act of keeping in touch with me amidst my null existence in their desperate lives and knowing my whereabouts to the extent of using ysm's identity in order to squeeze some pertinent details, like the things that i enjoy in the present, the occupation that i have right now, the hobbies that keep me fit (emotionally, physically and spiritually), the things that make me happy and contented with my life, even the things that make me bloom. If you do have your own version of peace of mind and desperation, feel free to post it in the comments section. :hat:

Anyways, back to my stupid dream..

It was just a typical reenactment of the ways things were before. Just the plain cold ysm who'd take my heart away by just being him, i don't know what made me settle for the kind of him during those must have been really, really, really blind. I don't know how it could have found its own way in my dreams and enforces insanity in it while it riots in the real world of my existence. But one thing i am for sure, for that snap moment it felt like the same stupid lois, found myself waiting for some significant things (or miracle) to happen, for actions he would have done, for decisions he would have stood for, for the silly four-eyed girl he would have fought for.

And yes, as expected, just as before, he didn't.

I didn't know what the end of that dream was, maybe my being has stopped processing the images for it knew very well that the patterns are just the same as what my conscious being has experienced.

Then i woke up to a message that electrocuted my whole being.

Happy me.

Reveling in my real existence. Loved. Cared. Nurtured.

And this is for real.

Happy me.