Thursday, November 20, 2008

I was motivated by my sentiments than my utter reasons.

I quit my part-time job.

I was motivated by my sentiments than my utter reasons.

I have always loved teaching and no one can truly belabor the virtues of it.

But some realities obtrude so violently you don't need statistics to drive them home.

I was stressed. physically tired. mentally absent.

After a string of complaints i had professed last semester in my continuous quest to provide quality education and the best learning experience to my students, i am supposed to sail again in the same ocean of misery come 2nd semester. I chose not to enumerate those misery so as to avoid any edge of derision. Ambivalence would be my only response.

I am content to do what i could for the sheer love of it. And so that explains how i tried so very hard to bridge the gap between the students' necessity and the colegio's capability in a room buzzing with hopes and dreams of tomorrow's nation builders. But i was pushed to reach beyond my own grasp. A toss-up which made me cringe more: to continue my own noble act of pedagogics or to risk my own health as i have been so sick for the past few months.

Who am i trying to con here?

I was motivated by my sentiments than my utter reasons.

I felt a twinge of guilt as i pass the IT building and saw my supposed students waiting in front of the B-laboratory . I called on Milben, one of the students in the class and an old friend of mine and told him that they will have no Autocad class for the moment, as i have resigned already. He was asking for reasons, but i just answered him a smile. Really breaks my heart though. Seeing also the confusion running through the faces of all other students while watching me and Milben talked, i hated the wave of guilt that is swept through me. But i have to contain the rush of emotions that is pulsing through me, i have already decided and this is it. Milben then said, "Ate sandali lang may ibibigay ako syo.." he went back to his things near the classroom, then ran back to me and handed me a Knight Publication "Pilantik" Literary Folio. I again flourished a smile, thanked him, and told him to inform all his classmates to check out other details at the dean's office. I then shot my last glance at them, the images moved me to the depths of my soul.

I myself couldn't even give solace to my crying soul, as i have exhausted all my efforts to improve the system, but to no avail.

And i also need to settle some time for myself so i could recover to full health.

Life has a way of compelling light in the darkness by the sheer need of it.