Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I woke up to brand new day. Congratulations to me :)

Last night had been a traumatic one for me, receiving all the damnations from my very own world. Can't even remember how many times my world had slashed me to death, some i would express my being beaten, some i would just nurse in silence. But then, love makes the world go round *lmao* I can't even give up my own world, even pleaded for just another chance to make it whole again. I laid all my cards on the table, until nothing was left to me, until i have none, until i no longer know myself.

I am masochistic in nature. I tend to endure extreme pains especially from the people i love the most. That's why i would always prefer Vonda Shepard's Baby don't you break my Heart slow. "I'd rather you be mean than love and lie, I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye, I'd rather take a blow at least then i would know, But baby don't you break my heart slow"

I don't know where to pick up the broken pieces of me. I don't know where to start again. All i could ever think of was keeping my eyes closed for a lifetime and stop inhaling the breath of life.

God has His own reasons.

My life has its own seasons.

Maybe its true that i do not know how to listen. Or maybe i have lived in a world full of jerks who don't even know how to appreciate a damsel who does everything in all her might to make their world happier, if not better.

Or maybe too blinded i was to accept the reality.

Or too scared to be left alone after divulging the scary truth in me.

Am I dying sooner than expected?

Funny how i still breathe after begging God to take my very life. "Lord, it's just that i can't do it, i don't know how, life is soooooo hard, please. Let me rest in peace. Game na po ako."

Maybe something better is coming my way.

This morning, God whispered to me:

Dear Lois,

Don't give up. Life rewards those who persevere.
I promise you that if you don't give up, ultimately, you will find that open door. It has been waiting for you.

Your Door Opener,

P.S. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Lois, I made you tough.


I can't wait for the better things to come.

I want my world whole again.

God bless me.