Posts
1220am, Unknown Call:
Caller: Hoy bakla, anong size mo?
Lois: Po? *kakagising lang sa kawalan*
Caller: Size nga ng paa!
Lois: 6 1/2
Call ended. Back to sleep.
*********
12:24am, 0122333 Calling:
Lois: Hello. Helloooo. Helloooooooooooo. *singhot ng sipon*
Nagbbounce lang ung boses ko. Tinawagan ko ba sarili ko?
Call ended.
*********
12:28am, Unknown Call:
Lois: Hellloooooooooooo *singhot singhot singhot*
Caller: Walang 6 1/2! 6 or 7?
Lois: Heh?*nahirapan pag iisip* 7 na lang
Caller: Makapal or manipis?
Lois: Makapal
Caller: Cge makapal na nga lang. Ung makapal ang pagmumukha. Bwahahaha.
Lois: Waaaaaaaaaaaaa *kung pede lang lumusot sa cellphone para batukan ung kausap ko*
Call ended.
*********
I miss my Kuya. So much.
Love you kuya >:D<
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
SAVED
I was dropping my sister on her work at LTI this morning because she failed to catch their shuttle service. I was on the left outermost lane and have decided to transfer to middle lane upon approaching Paseo de Sta. Rosa intersection, but the Red Innova at the back must be in a real hurry so as to beep us continuously to give way for it. I let the Red Innova pass and followed through the midlane just before halting to a full stop.
Green light. The Innova slowly inched forward. In a fraction of a second came a rushing tricycle beating the red light slamming right through the red innova. We were all in terrible shock seeing the tricycle flipped and the passengers thrown out outside. One of the passengers at the back seem to have his forehead crashed, i dunno, didn't have enough time to check on the details. The driver of the Red Innova in his White La salle Polo (must be a student i guess) got off his automobile and confronted the tricycle driver as we passed through them.
Just a thought. What if we didn't let the Red Innova get ahead of us in that middle lane?
God had saved us. Me, my sister, my car.
Green light. The Innova slowly inched forward. In a fraction of a second came a rushing tricycle beating the red light slamming right through the red innova. We were all in terrible shock seeing the tricycle flipped and the passengers thrown out outside. One of the passengers at the back seem to have his forehead crashed, i dunno, didn't have enough time to check on the details. The driver of the Red Innova in his White La salle Polo (must be a student i guess) got off his automobile and confronted the tricycle driver as we passed through them.
Just a thought. What if we didn't let the Red Innova get ahead of us in that middle lane?
God had saved us. Me, my sister, my car.
Monday, September 28, 2009
God has saved me from a major boo-boo.
Whoah.
God has saved me from a major boo-boo.
It's been a very, very good morning for me. After the typhoon Ondoy which had us stranded in Alabang for a real couple of hours (2pm - 11pm) due to the flooded SLEX, it feels so good waking up to God's warm embrace for a real brand new day.
The best in feeling comes in my life when the sky begins to clear up showing its cool blue hues after the rain. It's the feeling of a brand new day as the sun starts to dazzle.
God has saved me from a major boo-boo.
It's been a very, very good morning for me. After the typhoon Ondoy which had us stranded in Alabang for a real couple of hours (2pm - 11pm) due to the flooded SLEX, it feels so good waking up to God's warm embrace for a real brand new day.
The best in feeling comes in my life when the sky begins to clear up showing its cool blue hues after the rain. It's the feeling of a brand new day as the sun starts to dazzle.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
THE WEDDING
This isn't gonna be long, it's just about the dream i had last night.
It was a simple wedding of mine. Funny how my unconscious had conspired with my whole soul to contemplate on this kind of dream. Ehe.
It was a beaded and sequined silk chiffon bridal dress that i am wearing. Did i fancy a bright sparkling jewelry?You bet because i am wearing one. Haha. The guests were just approximately less than 30. Whoah. Inside a chapel, everyone is all smiles.
The wedding imagery Went through for over an hour. The sad part is, i didn't see the groom's face. Who am i marrying? I dunno.
I was half smiling as i wake up from this dream. God always has a funny tingling way of pricking my emotions.
It was a simple wedding of mine. Funny how my unconscious had conspired with my whole soul to contemplate on this kind of dream. Ehe.
It was a beaded and sequined silk chiffon bridal dress that i am wearing. Did i fancy a bright sparkling jewelry?You bet because i am wearing one. Haha. The guests were just approximately less than 30. Whoah. Inside a chapel, everyone is all smiles.
The wedding imagery Went through for over an hour. The sad part is, i didn't see the groom's face. Who am i marrying? I dunno.
I was half smiling as i wake up from this dream. God always has a funny tingling way of pricking my emotions.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
BETTER DAYS
:) Saturday sunshine :)
Didn't get enough sleep last night. Thinking and thinking too much, asking God for miracles, knocking at one's door which never opened for me.
:)
Yesterday was reminiscent of my old days when i would go home at three in the afternoon and doze for an hour or half before getting myself back again to my part-time work: teaching. I miss the days that i only have to think of my lectures and my students. I miss the days that i find myself too occupied with the newest PSP games, firmwares and other tech stuffs. I miss the days that i wait for the next gathering with my friends, an out of town or dinner, or just plain traipsing around the mall to kill the hours. I miss the good ol' better days when my heart isn't heavy, when the load isn't too burdensome, when the sun is at it's peak, or when we cheerfully dance under the rain.
There are tears in remembering better days, especially when you aren't any better at the present.
:)
Anyways, i'll be out to chase my liberty this weekend. Hope i'll be able to fully recover from the shackles of pain :)
Didn't get enough sleep last night. Thinking and thinking too much, asking God for miracles, knocking at one's door which never opened for me.
:)
Yesterday was reminiscent of my old days when i would go home at three in the afternoon and doze for an hour or half before getting myself back again to my part-time work: teaching. I miss the days that i only have to think of my lectures and my students. I miss the days that i find myself too occupied with the newest PSP games, firmwares and other tech stuffs. I miss the days that i wait for the next gathering with my friends, an out of town or dinner, or just plain traipsing around the mall to kill the hours. I miss the good ol' better days when my heart isn't heavy, when the load isn't too burdensome, when the sun is at it's peak, or when we cheerfully dance under the rain.
There are tears in remembering better days, especially when you aren't any better at the present.
:)
Anyways, i'll be out to chase my liberty this weekend. Hope i'll be able to fully recover from the shackles of pain :)
Friday, September 18, 2009
LUCKIER
I cleaned my car yesterday full blast. It's always been full romance when i spend time with my real true love. Haha. I love may car. Thank heavens the rain didn't pour yesterday.
I was even luckier this morning to find an empty spot in our covered parking :) God is so good. I thank Him so much for the simple blessings he pour on me. I felt really blessed because the past few months, whenever i get my car washed, the rain pouring harder would be the next consequence. I am no jinx. But sometimes, i can't help but think that i am one. Or must i say so blessed i really am the heavens always get me drenched with holy waters from the skies. Ehe.
I am still missing my world. I always wake up to the sweet memories of my very world. I am always hoping that tomorrow would be better than today, that somehow, in the raggedness of our everyday lives, everything shall fall into places, in accordance to His will.
I was even luckier this morning to find an empty spot in our covered parking :) God is so good. I thank Him so much for the simple blessings he pour on me. I felt really blessed because the past few months, whenever i get my car washed, the rain pouring harder would be the next consequence. I am no jinx. But sometimes, i can't help but think that i am one. Or must i say so blessed i really am the heavens always get me drenched with holy waters from the skies. Ehe.
I am still missing my world. I always wake up to the sweet memories of my very world. I am always hoping that tomorrow would be better than today, that somehow, in the raggedness of our everyday lives, everything shall fall into places, in accordance to His will.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
MORNINGS
I still wake up every morning with a pinch in my heart knowing i have loved someone so dearly inspite of everything that happened.
And that love doesn't stop when space sets it.
And that God knows what's best for me.
God bless me.
And that love doesn't stop when space sets it.
And that God knows what's best for me.
God bless me.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
BLESSINGS
I got the greatest blessings for the day.
I am still alive and breathing.
One day at a time Lois.
And hey, I even got a bonus.
Mayor already paid me. :)
Thanks God.
I am still alive and breathing.
One day at a time Lois.
And hey, I even got a bonus.
Mayor already paid me. :)
Thanks God.
NO PARKING
091509, taken using my n6630
I really have no idea that the sign on the back reads NO PARKING.
Just realized it the moment i came back from the rice store.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
IGNORE LIST
Do you know how painful it is to be itemized under the Ignore List? Like you we're left outside the house and all the windows and doors are closed for you. You scream at the top of your lungs and nobody hears you. You knocked thrice as hard but no doors will open up for you. The rain will fall down and you'll get drenched in furious showers, but no one's there to help you. It is as if you weren't there. It is as if you never existed. It is as if you're...GONE.
Painful. Too painful.
God doesn't have this Kind of List. He doesn't have IGNORE LIST. Because He loves us all. He would never ignore each one of us.
With God, the doors are wide open. We don't have to scream because He already knows. He knows our faults, He knows our needs. He loves us more than we could ever know. We are all welcome in His warm embrace.
I maybe hurting a lot as of the moment being put to an ignore list, but i could feel God's embrace, telling me to stop crying, to stop worrying, because i am on His BELOVED LIST and He would never ever leave me.
Painful. Too painful.
God doesn't have this Kind of List. He doesn't have IGNORE LIST. Because He loves us all. He would never ignore each one of us.
With God, the doors are wide open. We don't have to scream because He already knows. He knows our faults, He knows our needs. He loves us more than we could ever know. We are all welcome in His warm embrace.
I maybe hurting a lot as of the moment being put to an ignore list, but i could feel God's embrace, telling me to stop crying, to stop worrying, because i am on His BELOVED LIST and He would never ever leave me.
SEASONS AND REASONS
I woke up to brand new day. Congratulations to me :)
Last night had been a traumatic one for me, receiving all the damnations from my very own world. Can't even remember how many times my world had slashed me to death, some i would express my being beaten, some i would just nurse in silence. But then, love makes the world go round *lmao* I can't even give up my own world, even pleaded for just another chance to make it whole again. I laid all my cards on the table, until nothing was left to me, until i have none, until i no longer know myself.
I am masochistic in nature. I tend to endure extreme pains especially from the people i love the most. That's why i would always prefer Vonda Shepard's Baby don't you break my Heart slow. "I'd rather you be mean than love and lie, I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye, I'd rather take a blow at least then i would know, But baby don't you break my heart slow"
I don't know where to pick up the broken pieces of me. I don't know where to start again. All i could ever think of was keeping my eyes closed for a lifetime and stop inhaling the breath of life.
God has His own reasons.
My life has its own seasons.
Maybe its true that i do not know how to listen. Or maybe i have lived in a world full of jerks who don't even know how to appreciate a damsel who does everything in all her might to make their world happier, if not better.
Or maybe too blinded i was to accept the reality.
Or too scared to be left alone after divulging the scary truth in me.
Am I dying sooner than expected?
Funny how i still breathe after begging God to take my very life. "Lord, it's just that i can't do it, i don't know how, life is soooooo hard, please. Let me rest in peace. Game na po ako."
Maybe something better is coming my way.
This morning, God whispered to me:
:)
I can't wait for the better things to come.
I want my world whole again.
God bless me.
Last night had been a traumatic one for me, receiving all the damnations from my very own world. Can't even remember how many times my world had slashed me to death, some i would express my being beaten, some i would just nurse in silence. But then, love makes the world go round *lmao* I can't even give up my own world, even pleaded for just another chance to make it whole again. I laid all my cards on the table, until nothing was left to me, until i have none, until i no longer know myself.
I am masochistic in nature. I tend to endure extreme pains especially from the people i love the most. That's why i would always prefer Vonda Shepard's Baby don't you break my Heart slow. "I'd rather you be mean than love and lie, I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye, I'd rather take a blow at least then i would know, But baby don't you break my heart slow"
I don't know where to pick up the broken pieces of me. I don't know where to start again. All i could ever think of was keeping my eyes closed for a lifetime and stop inhaling the breath of life.
God has His own reasons.
My life has its own seasons.
Maybe its true that i do not know how to listen. Or maybe i have lived in a world full of jerks who don't even know how to appreciate a damsel who does everything in all her might to make their world happier, if not better.
Or maybe too blinded i was to accept the reality.
Or too scared to be left alone after divulging the scary truth in me.
Am I dying sooner than expected?
Funny how i still breathe after begging God to take my very life. "Lord, it's just that i can't do it, i don't know how, life is soooooo hard, please. Let me rest in peace. Game na po ako."
Maybe something better is coming my way.
This morning, God whispered to me:
Dear Lois,
Don't give up. Life rewards those who persevere.
I promise you that if you don't give up, ultimately, you will find that open door. It has been waiting for you.
Your Door Opener,
God
P.S. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Lois, I made you tough.
Don't give up. Life rewards those who persevere.
I promise you that if you don't give up, ultimately, you will find that open door. It has been waiting for you.
Your Door Opener,
God
P.S. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Lois, I made you tough.
:)
I can't wait for the better things to come.
I want my world whole again.
God bless me.
Monday, September 14, 2009
A Letter From Daddy God
My dearest child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. (Ps 139:1)
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2)
I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3)
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-30)
For you were made in my image. (Genesis 1:27)
In me you live and move and have your being. For you are my
offspring. (Acts 17:28)
I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5)
I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12)
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.
(Psalm 139:15-16)
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would
live. (Acts 17:26)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)
And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6)
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
(John 8:41-44)
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of
love. (I John 4:16)
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. (I John 3:1)
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. (I John 3:7)
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11)
For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48)
Every good gift you receive comes from my hand. (James 1:17)
For I am your provider and I meet your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the
seashore. (Psalm 139:17-18)
And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40)
For you are my treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5)
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.
(Jeremiah 32:41)
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
For if you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
(Deuteronomy 4:29)
So, Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
(Psalm 37:4)
For it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13)
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.
(Ephesians 3:20)
For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18)
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.
(Isaiah 40:11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. And I will take
away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.(Revelation 21:3-4)
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.
(John 17:23)
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26)
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. Jesus died so that
you and I could be reconciled. (2 Corinthians 5;18-19)
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.
(I John 4:10)
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.
(Romans 8:31-32)
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (I John 2:23)
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.
(Romans 8:38-29)
When it's time for you to Come home and I'll throw the biggest
party heaven has ever seen. (Luke 15:7)
I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father.
(Ephesians 3:14-15)
My question is....Will you be my child? (John 1:12-13)
I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)
With Love, Your Father,
Almighty God
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. (Ps 139:1)
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2)
I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3)
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-30)
For you were made in my image. (Genesis 1:27)
In me you live and move and have your being. For you are my
offspring. (Acts 17:28)
I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5)
I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12)
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.
(Psalm 139:15-16)
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would
live. (Acts 17:26)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)
And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6)
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.
(John 8:41-44)
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of
love. (I John 4:16)
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. (I John 3:1)
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. (I John 3:7)
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11)
For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48)
Every good gift you receive comes from my hand. (James 1:17)
For I am your provider and I meet your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
(Jeremiah 29:11)
Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the
seashore. (Psalm 139:17-18)
And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40)
For you are my treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5)
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.
(Jeremiah 32:41)
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
For if you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.
(Deuteronomy 4:29)
So, Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
(Psalm 37:4)
For it is I who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13)
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.
(Ephesians 3:20)
For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18)
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.
(Isaiah 40:11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. And I will take
away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.(Revelation 21:3-4)
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.
(John 17:23)
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26)
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. Jesus died so that
you and I could be reconciled. (2 Corinthians 5;18-19)
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.
(I John 4:10)
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.
(Romans 8:31-32)
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (I John 2:23)
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.
(Romans 8:38-29)
When it's time for you to Come home and I'll throw the biggest
party heaven has ever seen. (Luke 15:7)
I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father.
(Ephesians 3:14-15)
My question is....Will you be my child? (John 1:12-13)
I am waiting for you. (Luke 15:11-32)
With Love, Your Father,
Almighty God
Sunday, September 13, 2009
THREE POWERFUL STEPS TO HEALING
I just had a very refreshing talk about healing from Alvin Barcelona and Arun Gogna from the South Feast.
*********
There exists three powerful steps to healing:
1. Locate the wound
2. Clean the wound
3. Strengthen the body
*********
1. Locate the wound
2. Clean the wound
3. Strengthen the body
*********
I have been so wounded physically and emotionally for the past few months havin' been bombarded by problems that had consumed the better of me. Physical sickness, emotional trauma, broken relationship... at some point in my life, i already gave up and asked God to just take my life back.
But He didn't.
He couldn't.
Because I am His favorite.
For the most times He always caters to my every whim, giving me everything that could make me extremely happy. When He gave me technotron, i was the happiest bakla on earth. I did treasure and enjoy every single moment that exists, everything. And up to this day, i still do, and i know will do, for the rest of my life. There can only be one technotron in Lois' life. Only one.
But one day, He decides to take away all the joys that i know existed. All that was left in me are wounds that hurt like hell.
And i tried my very best to hide those wounds.
The talk today at The Feast has brought me some power insights about healing my own wounds. I have learned to locate my wounds for now and will try my very best to clean it. I am exposing my wounds to the One who can heal it.
Because God the wounded healer understands what i feel.
I trust Him. He knows best.
;)
But He didn't.
He couldn't.
Because I am His favorite.
For the most times He always caters to my every whim, giving me everything that could make me extremely happy. When He gave me technotron, i was the happiest bakla on earth. I did treasure and enjoy every single moment that exists, everything. And up to this day, i still do, and i know will do, for the rest of my life. There can only be one technotron in Lois' life. Only one.
But one day, He decides to take away all the joys that i know existed. All that was left in me are wounds that hurt like hell.
And i tried my very best to hide those wounds.
The talk today at The Feast has brought me some power insights about healing my own wounds. I have learned to locate my wounds for now and will try my very best to clean it. I am exposing my wounds to the One who can heal it.
Because God the wounded healer understands what i feel.
I trust Him. He knows best.
;)
REPOST
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
jEALOUSy
:(I tend to get jealous just by looking at the profiles (FS, FB, Youtube, etc. ) of some persons that really mean a lot to me. Like i was browsing facebook this afternoon and seeing some unfamiliar faces, notes, etc in a profile felt like i was being poked right in my very eyes.
Well, this is just me. Might not feel the same way for others i guess.
How would you feel if your comment suddenly disappeared in a page? If the status was deliberately changed from "in a relationship to single"? Or a suspected somebody popped a message or comment in page?
Deliberate thoughts of a jealous lass. haha. What am i jealous at?
Wala naman di ba?
Uyy.. ayaw aminin.
Hahaha.
When i say there's no backing out, there really is none. Unless the other one does the back out, i can only let go.
I remember what my friend told us when she got soooo jealous of her boyfriend's ex-gf. She says that she can never do anything about his bf's past, she can only accept everything that existed before she stepped into her bf's life. Says we all can never be too sure. Maybe at one point in time, we will all be ex's of someone, finding our own place in someone else's past.
Hays. Why am i getting a bit sappy here.
Sabi ko nga next time hindi na lang ako magbbrowse ng profiles e. hehe.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
KAPITAN SINO BOB ONG QUOTES
“Maraming tao dito ang mas malungkot pa sa taong nakatira sa buwan. Saka hindi naman kailangan ng maraming tao para makabuo ng mundo e. Minsan, isang tao lang ang kasama mo, buo na ang mundong kailangan mo habambuhay.”
"Alam mo ba ang pinagkaiba ng mga bulag at ng mga nakakakita? Hindi alam ng mga nakakakita kung kelan sila bulag."
"Sabi ni Exupery, ang pinakamahalagang bagay sa mundo, hindi nakikita ng mata.."
"Nakakatakot nga na mapagkamalang hindi ka pwedeng mahalin o mapagkamalian kang mahalin dahil sa itsura mo."
"Ang kakulangan ng katauhan ko, pinunan ko ng pagiging makatao."
"Walang bayaning makapagliligtas sa akin dahul ang pinakamalaking kalaban ko ay ang sarili ko."
"Ang trahedya ng buhay ko? Hindi ako nagkaroon ng kapangyarihang makapagsabi ng tamang bagay sa tamang tao sa tamang panahon"
"Alam mo ba ang pinagkaiba ng mga bulag at ng mga nakakakita? Hindi alam ng mga nakakakita kung kelan sila bulag."
"Sabi ni Exupery, ang pinakamahalagang bagay sa mundo, hindi nakikita ng mata.."
"Nakakatakot nga na mapagkamalang hindi ka pwedeng mahalin o mapagkamalian kang mahalin dahil sa itsura mo."
"Ang kakulangan ng katauhan ko, pinunan ko ng pagiging makatao."
"Walang bayaning makapagliligtas sa akin dahul ang pinakamalaking kalaban ko ay ang sarili ko."
"Ang trahedya ng buhay ko? Hindi ako nagkaroon ng kapangyarihang makapagsabi ng tamang bagay sa tamang tao sa tamang panahon"
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
MALIGNED ALAS
ma'am lois, daanan mo na ung 50mm sa bahay! bilhin mo na! hehe
- RJ, 090909, 6:49AM
- RJ, 090909, 6:49AM
Tsk. Tsk.
MALIGNED ALAS.
Maligned ACUTE LENS ACQUISITION SYNDROME.
The cancer of the shutterbugs.
Tsk. Tsk.
There's no remedy.
MALIGNED ALAS.
Maligned ACUTE LENS ACQUISITION SYNDROME.
The cancer of the shutterbugs.
Tsk. Tsk.
There's no remedy.
090909
It was an unusual Wednesday morning on the 9th day of the 9th month of the year 2009. 090909. I woke up thinking of the hundred what-ifs that could have happened for the last 5000 hours of my life.
I was gasping for attention that i didn't get the chance to have for the last 24hours. Failure as it may seem, i don't know, but for me, it was a heroic act to swallow a humble slice of pride. To apologize for a thing that went against your plans. I did my best, but i guess my best wasn't good enough. Well, i failed. Doors aren't gonna open up for me i guess. I don't know.
What was i doing exactly a year ago? I grope for the memories i had in my mind. Ahh, i was teaching AutoCAD. September. Single. Carefree. Hopeful. I was busy with a lot of things. I was busy with work, busy with my class, even busier with my new but old car. Looking back, my life then was just a simple and fun-filled carefree living, with nothing much to worry than the grades of my students that i haven't recorded. I hold the time in my hands, doin' the things that i love the most, going out with the people i truly treasure. Life was also difficult back then, but i managed to breeze through the trials and pains and suffering.
I look at my life now exactly a year after. A lot has been changed. But not even better. Though i must admit that all those times went into something that has taken me into another dimension, a different world. My world. If only my world could coexist in my real world.
I am taking a step forward to my real world. I look back again at the decisions i have made in the past. I take a closer look and scrutinize the silly mind i had back then. Haha. Loisa, you're such a fool.
I am blessed to have at least overcome the suicidal attempts that had me on my darkest days. Man, i already lost my humor and sense. What had happened to me! Huhuhu. Too much talk, too much drama, Mark says. Haha. Ye right. Then, that too much is already over.
090909.
This is a brand new day. I am getting back on my feet. I know i can do it. One step at a time.
God bless me.
and you also.
I was gasping for attention that i didn't get the chance to have for the last 24hours. Failure as it may seem, i don't know, but for me, it was a heroic act to swallow a humble slice of pride. To apologize for a thing that went against your plans. I did my best, but i guess my best wasn't good enough. Well, i failed. Doors aren't gonna open up for me i guess. I don't know.
What was i doing exactly a year ago? I grope for the memories i had in my mind. Ahh, i was teaching AutoCAD. September. Single. Carefree. Hopeful. I was busy with a lot of things. I was busy with work, busy with my class, even busier with my new but old car. Looking back, my life then was just a simple and fun-filled carefree living, with nothing much to worry than the grades of my students that i haven't recorded. I hold the time in my hands, doin' the things that i love the most, going out with the people i truly treasure. Life was also difficult back then, but i managed to breeze through the trials and pains and suffering.
I look at my life now exactly a year after. A lot has been changed. But not even better. Though i must admit that all those times went into something that has taken me into another dimension, a different world. My world. If only my world could coexist in my real world.
I am taking a step forward to my real world. I look back again at the decisions i have made in the past. I take a closer look and scrutinize the silly mind i had back then. Haha. Loisa, you're such a fool.
I am blessed to have at least overcome the suicidal attempts that had me on my darkest days. Man, i already lost my humor and sense. What had happened to me! Huhuhu. Too much talk, too much drama, Mark says. Haha. Ye right. Then, that too much is already over.
090909.
This is a brand new day. I am getting back on my feet. I know i can do it. One step at a time.
God bless me.
and you also.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Lord, keep me and heal me. Bless me.
I keep asking God for my world.
God replied:
"Tama na Lois, napagbigyan na kita. Ako naman ang pagbigyan mo ngayon."
Yeah right.
Lord, keep me and heal me. Bless me.
I offer you my life.
God replied:
"Tama na Lois, napagbigyan na kita. Ako naman ang pagbigyan mo ngayon."
Yeah right.
Lord, keep me and heal me. Bless me.
I offer you my life.
TRUTH TO BE TOLD
Last night, i had the courage to face my worst fear.
TRUTH.
It's tough when you know you have to face the truth and know that you don't have enough courage to do it. But nevertheless, it has to be done so that the pain wouldn't inflict much anymore. My encounter with my worst fear had been one of the toughest decisions i had made in my entire life. I know i wasn't even prepared to hear it, but then, when would the right time be?
I almost killed my soul.
It's good to have my lachrymal glands still drained due to its excretion almost every night. I feel kind of weird last night, i was hurt but couldn't cry, i got my world irritated too much.
It hurts like hell when your world doesn't even want you to see it, but allow others to view it. When your world doesn't want you to be a part of it anymore. Hurts a lot, hurts like hell, i almost want to die.
Everything reminds me of my world. Because i have given my everything to my world.
Admittedly, i want my world back. But couldn't do much to the realization of it. I just have to move heaven and earth for now, wait until the cows come home, and see if there's a bright future to hold.
I pray to God to bless me and my world.
TRUTH.
It's tough when you know you have to face the truth and know that you don't have enough courage to do it. But nevertheless, it has to be done so that the pain wouldn't inflict much anymore. My encounter with my worst fear had been one of the toughest decisions i had made in my entire life. I know i wasn't even prepared to hear it, but then, when would the right time be?
I almost killed my soul.
It's good to have my lachrymal glands still drained due to its excretion almost every night. I feel kind of weird last night, i was hurt but couldn't cry, i got my world irritated too much.
It hurts like hell when your world doesn't even want you to see it, but allow others to view it. When your world doesn't want you to be a part of it anymore. Hurts a lot, hurts like hell, i almost want to die.
Everything reminds me of my world. Because i have given my everything to my world.
Admittedly, i want my world back. But couldn't do much to the realization of it. I just have to move heaven and earth for now, wait until the cows come home, and see if there's a bright future to hold.
I pray to God to bless me and my world.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
SABADO NIGHT
I'm having my lows for a seemingly longer period. Maybe because the sudden outpour of problems had taken the better of me. I even can't resist the thoughts about taking my own life.
The night before, i was just telling Ron about how painful things had been to me lately. He asked me, together with Jojit for a night out to unburden myself into thinking too much.
Saturday night, off we went for a dinner in Paseo. Met Jojit with a friend there, and had a sumptuous meal at Guilly's Island.
We again unravel to each other what was happening into each other's world.
I was able to relax and take away some thoughts that eat up my sanity.
Thank you God for my dear friends.
The night before, i was just telling Ron about how painful things had been to me lately. He asked me, together with Jojit for a night out to unburden myself into thinking too much.
Saturday night, off we went for a dinner in Paseo. Met Jojit with a friend there, and had a sumptuous meal at Guilly's Island.
We again unravel to each other what was happening into each other's world.
I was able to relax and take away some thoughts that eat up my sanity.
Thank you God for my dear friends.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
MISSING BIG TIME
I was cleanin' my room and my closet when i was brought to extreme schmaltz as i found the stuffs i solemnly kept all these times. . The stuffs were supposed to be claimed August by the owner, but has gotten into some issues and rescheduled another claim come early next year.
Well, i do miss the owner. It's been quite a while.
I miss him a lot. Big time. I miss the times he used to make me laugh about simple things. I miss the times he'd poke me unlimited until i beg him to stop the teasing. I miss the times he'd wake me up every 1am to remind me of my meds. I miss the times he'd call me when he's back in the camp. I miss the times he'd ask me for what i want when they are in Hardees. I miss the laughs and the small banters. I miss the "banat" hours in their morning hours. I miss the billiard playing which gave me no chance in winning. I miss the Engr Sabaybunot monicker. I miss the chikkatexts. I miss the Texas Hold 'em Poker playing. I miss the "Gooooood Moooooorning Philippines" greeting. I miss the "asan na kaya yun.. batet walang reply" message. I miss the "tambay muna ako work." I miss the "tulog pa cguro yun, nyahahaha" I miss the magic. I miss the times he'd like to see my new stuffs: blouses, skirts, thingamajigs, etc. I miss the times he'd show me his new trick. I miss the times he'd tease me that i got Alimango fingers. I miss the times he'd say that my hair is getting longer and longer. I miss the times he'd ask where i was going and with whom. I miss the times he'd just say that he wants me to be happy. I miss the times he'd scold me when i kid about running above 80kph. I miss the times he'd call me when he's drunk. Or when he's sick. Or when he just misses me. I miss the times he'd ask me to do stuffs for him. I miss the times he'd ask me to just rest and sleep tight. I miss the exchange of rants and raves. I miss the times he'd just smile and say nothing.
I miss him.
Big time.
I hugged the stuffs and placed it back to my closet.
I miss the owner.
God bless us both.
Well, i do miss the owner. It's been quite a while.
I miss him a lot. Big time. I miss the times he used to make me laugh about simple things. I miss the times he'd poke me unlimited until i beg him to stop the teasing. I miss the times he'd wake me up every 1am to remind me of my meds. I miss the times he'd call me when he's back in the camp. I miss the times he'd ask me for what i want when they are in Hardees. I miss the laughs and the small banters. I miss the "banat" hours in their morning hours. I miss the billiard playing which gave me no chance in winning. I miss the Engr Sabaybunot monicker. I miss the chikkatexts. I miss the Texas Hold 'em Poker playing. I miss the "Gooooood Moooooorning Philippines" greeting. I miss the "asan na kaya yun.. batet walang reply" message. I miss the "tambay muna ako work." I miss the "tulog pa cguro yun, nyahahaha" I miss the magic. I miss the times he'd like to see my new stuffs: blouses, skirts, thingamajigs, etc. I miss the times he'd show me his new trick. I miss the times he'd tease me that i got Alimango fingers. I miss the times he'd say that my hair is getting longer and longer. I miss the times he'd ask where i was going and with whom. I miss the times he'd just say that he wants me to be happy. I miss the times he'd scold me when i kid about running above 80kph. I miss the times he'd call me when he's drunk. Or when he's sick. Or when he just misses me. I miss the times he'd ask me to do stuffs for him. I miss the times he'd ask me to just rest and sleep tight. I miss the exchange of rants and raves. I miss the times he'd just smile and say nothing.
I miss him.
Big time.
I hugged the stuffs and placed it back to my closet.
I miss the owner.
God bless us both.
Friday, September 4, 2009
CHOICES
I closed my eyes and asked God to make His choice for me.
***
* take my life tonight and release me from the heartaches and pains
that is too much for me to bear
* give me another 24 hours because tomorrow my i might see my world
***
Just imagine, how many people here on earth are suffering from too much heartaches and pain. And if we are just given the chance to kill ourselves legally, how many will be left to treasure the earth?
I ask God for signs.
I am ready tonight.
I have used up all my coping resources and i am left with none for myself. It's just me and me alone, fighting for my very own life.
I take a closer look at my wrist.
How can i do it?
I don't know.
***
* take my life tonight and release me from the heartaches and pains
that is too much for me to bear
* give me another 24 hours because tomorrow my i might see my world
***
Just imagine, how many people here on earth are suffering from too much heartaches and pain. And if we are just given the chance to kill ourselves legally, how many will be left to treasure the earth?
I ask God for signs.
I am ready tonight.
I have used up all my coping resources and i am left with none for myself. It's just me and me alone, fighting for my very own life.
I take a closer look at my wrist.
How can i do it?
I don't know.
SPELL LOVE
What is the most difficult word to spell?
LOVE.
l - o - v - e
LOVE
I wish i could spell it correctly.
:'(
LOVE.
l - o - v - e
LOVE
I wish i could spell it correctly.
:'(
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
BUSTED
Home by 740pm from a 12-hour work. Must i say i've been so exhausted studying and doin the math for the spreader beam design that i have been tasked to finish today. Unfortunately, i still wasn't able to finish the design calculations come 7pm and the burden of not having any solid since breakfast has come across my stomach.
The debilitated me had come straight to my room and to my surprise, the bulb didn't light. I switched it off and switched on again to check that it wasn't just my imagination. And it really wasn't.
The bulb was busted already.
Funny how the things around me portray some aspects of my life. How many busted bulbs do i have inside? For the past few weeks, i haven't thought about things clearly. I move inside the darkest me, groping for some things to happen, performing some routines in the shadows. In my desire for light, i failed to recognize the darkness that enveloped my being.
I replaced the bulb with the used one from the dining. Will just replace it tomorrow, told my uncle. And as i pile the chairs in order for me to reach the ceiling, i again was asking myself how persistent have i tried to light some dark areas of my life. How many acts have i done to reach the ceiling and have those busted bulbs fixed.
Funny how the busted bulb made me look at some snippets of my life.
Darkness does make light bright.
The debilitated me had come straight to my room and to my surprise, the bulb didn't light. I switched it off and switched on again to check that it wasn't just my imagination. And it really wasn't.
The bulb was busted already.
Funny how the things around me portray some aspects of my life. How many busted bulbs do i have inside? For the past few weeks, i haven't thought about things clearly. I move inside the darkest me, groping for some things to happen, performing some routines in the shadows. In my desire for light, i failed to recognize the darkness that enveloped my being.
I replaced the bulb with the used one from the dining. Will just replace it tomorrow, told my uncle. And as i pile the chairs in order for me to reach the ceiling, i again was asking myself how persistent have i tried to light some dark areas of my life. How many acts have i done to reach the ceiling and have those busted bulbs fixed.
Funny how the busted bulb made me look at some snippets of my life.
Darkness does make light bright.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love
Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love
by Elena Solomon
author of 12 Simple Rules
Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex.
Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex.
Women blame men that they don't know how to love.
Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it.
Whether you are a man or a woman, reading this article can change your life - finally, you will be able to get rid of your frustrations about the opposite gender.
The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female's.
In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels the same way as a female after more than a year without sex.
Knowing this simple difference, you can already understand the pain of the opposite gender. It's NOT their fault: they are made this way! It's in our genes! This is the reason why men are men and women are women.
Men and women are DIFFERENT.
Not better or worse, just different.
A man can father a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only mother a child every two years or so. This means, a woman HAS TO be picky about who she allows to have sex with her.
For generations women were paying too high a price for making a wrong choice. Women that have chosen men with bad genes had a weaker offspring and their children struggled to survive. Women that have chosen men with good genes had a stronger offspring and their children survived disproportionably. Those children were carrying their picky mother's genes and this is why those female genes were passed to us.
On the other hand, men never had adverse consequences of making a wrong choice. The more children they produced, the higher was their chance to pass their genes to future generations, as some of them would certainly survive. While men were determined to seek better genes too, they had to grab all chances to procreate coming their way to ensure their genes would be passed forward. The men that ONLY stuck with one woman (even a high quality woman) were losing genetically to the men that used all of their opportunities and had many more children that survived. Those children were carrying their father's promiscuous genes, and this is why those male genes were passed to us.
By Nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can spread their seed wider.
By Nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they can make a better choice and get the best seed.
Men seek quantity - women seek quality.
This is why men seek sex and women seek love.
Love is the proof that a woman needs to have some assurance that the man will stick around and help her with the upbringing of the offspring. For a woman, sex is the culmination of her emotional commitment to a man.
For a man, sex is a physical act that eases the testosterone pressure he experiences constantly. Only after this tension has gone, can a man feel love towards a woman. This is why it often happens that men disappear after they got what they wanted: it wasn't love; it was the testosterone pressure. Sex for men is the reality check of their passion.
This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a future relationship - and love.
Men fall in love through sex; women fall in sex through love.
All of this happens on the unconscious level - we do NOT realize what's going on.
But the reason why you are here today and alive is because each and every of your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their instincts and managed to attract at least one sexual partner and produce an offspring.
So, there is no need to be bitter about men wanting sex and women wanting love. Those two are the necessary pieces of the puzzle called Survival Of The Species.
And you'll be better off understanding what the other gender is going through and giving them exactly what they want: a mind-blowing sex or exhilarating love.
by Elena Solomon
author of 12 Simple Rules
Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex.
Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex.
Women blame men that they don't know how to love.
Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it.
Whether you are a man or a woman, reading this article can change your life - finally, you will be able to get rid of your frustrations about the opposite gender.
The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female's.
In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels the same way as a female after more than a year without sex.
Knowing this simple difference, you can already understand the pain of the opposite gender. It's NOT their fault: they are made this way! It's in our genes! This is the reason why men are men and women are women.
Men and women are DIFFERENT.
Not better or worse, just different.
A man can father a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only mother a child every two years or so. This means, a woman HAS TO be picky about who she allows to have sex with her.
For generations women were paying too high a price for making a wrong choice. Women that have chosen men with bad genes had a weaker offspring and their children struggled to survive. Women that have chosen men with good genes had a stronger offspring and their children survived disproportionably. Those children were carrying their picky mother's genes and this is why those female genes were passed to us.
On the other hand, men never had adverse consequences of making a wrong choice. The more children they produced, the higher was their chance to pass their genes to future generations, as some of them would certainly survive. While men were determined to seek better genes too, they had to grab all chances to procreate coming their way to ensure their genes would be passed forward. The men that ONLY stuck with one woman (even a high quality woman) were losing genetically to the men that used all of their opportunities and had many more children that survived. Those children were carrying their father's promiscuous genes, and this is why those male genes were passed to us.
By Nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can spread their seed wider.
By Nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they can make a better choice and get the best seed.
Men seek quantity - women seek quality.
This is why men seek sex and women seek love.
Love is the proof that a woman needs to have some assurance that the man will stick around and help her with the upbringing of the offspring. For a woman, sex is the culmination of her emotional commitment to a man.
For a man, sex is a physical act that eases the testosterone pressure he experiences constantly. Only after this tension has gone, can a man feel love towards a woman. This is why it often happens that men disappear after they got what they wanted: it wasn't love; it was the testosterone pressure. Sex for men is the reality check of their passion.
This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a future relationship - and love.
Men fall in love through sex; women fall in sex through love.
All of this happens on the unconscious level - we do NOT realize what's going on.
But the reason why you are here today and alive is because each and every of your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their instincts and managed to attract at least one sexual partner and produce an offspring.
So, there is no need to be bitter about men wanting sex and women wanting love. Those two are the necessary pieces of the puzzle called Survival Of The Species.
And you'll be better off understanding what the other gender is going through and giving them exactly what they want: a mind-blowing sex or exhilarating love.
Thanks God
God has been so good to me and i could really feel His warm embrace in these times of despair.
I have been thinking of consulting a doctor because i felt the need for an anti-depressant pill that would eradicate my extreme loneliness. I was afraid i no longer know myself, what my mind was conceiving would no longer go well with my unconscious. I was caught in the tornado of problems, and i couldn't move any longer i only would like to give up.
I keep praying for things. Just prayed and prayed and prayed till i could. I know His answers would be clear though wouldn't always be that quick.
I felt so loved and cared when He answers me in an instant. God has been so good. He doesn't want me beating around the bush waiting for miracles to happen. At most, He would answer in a snap of the finger, but there are also times that He wouldn't want me have it in an instant. I don't know His reasons, but i trust Him.
I have been thinking of consulting a doctor because i felt the need for an anti-depressant pill that would eradicate my extreme loneliness. I was afraid i no longer know myself, what my mind was conceiving would no longer go well with my unconscious. I was caught in the tornado of problems, and i couldn't move any longer i only would like to give up.
I keep praying for things. Just prayed and prayed and prayed till i could. I know His answers would be clear though wouldn't always be that quick.
I felt so loved and cared when He answers me in an instant. God has been so good. He doesn't want me beating around the bush waiting for miracles to happen. At most, He would answer in a snap of the finger, but there are also times that He wouldn't want me have it in an instant. I don't know His reasons, but i trust Him.
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