Friday, August 15, 2008


New morning. Though a gloomy one, i have kept the sun inside my heart to shine in its brightest after a storm had passed through me yesterday.

How did i find myself in its lowest yesterday?

I made a Herculean effort of exposing myself to the vulnerabilities of rejection and acceptance.

Was i prepared for the outcome?

Partly yes, partly no.

Yes, i knew no one could ever accept someone like me after knowing every nook and cranny of my sufferings. This is my fate. How could i ever change this? God gave me this. I didn't want this to happen, i didn't want this. All i could do is accept what fate has brought me, and continue to breath each day a couple of notches better than yesterday. After all, maybe God really didn't want me to die the soonest, i haven't driven my car for a longer mile :D

No. Wasn't i prepared. I didn't expect someone to ran away from me the soonest. Could have done it real slow, little by little, inch by inch... I dunno. Well, why would i claim to have been unprepared when i would always prefer the heavy blow of truth.

"I'd rather you be mean than love and lie, I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye. I'd rather take a blow at least then i would know, but baby don't you break my heart slow" - Vonda Shepard's Baby don't you break my heart slow

Truth to be told.

Truth hurts.

Some people come into our lives and quietly go. Some people stay and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never the same. I am never the same as yesterday.

The tears that i shed yesterday were all for one thing: God allows suffering because He loves us. I may be in a lot of physical and emotional sufferings now, but i believe that in time, it will all be paid off by His blessings and goodness.

I'm still breathing. I'm still alive. Thank God.