Friday, May 29, 2009


She rushed to the comfort room and slammed the door. Reaching for her hanky on the pant's left side pocket, she could feel her whole body trembling with the familiar onset of breaking her tears. It was as if the world would suddenly stop to hear her sobbing heart. She was full of pain, and she could hardly contain it.

The tears started to flow from a few drops to a gushing well. She was gasping for air, while her whole body trembled like a frightened child left alone in a dark room. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

"Lord, can i still make it? Can i still overcome this? Can i still bear this?"

She was sobbing hard.

Most of the times, crying is her only way to unburden herself of the pains she has deep within.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

God always answers clearly, but not always quickly.

When i asked the Lord to give me a mango bravo on my birthday, He gave not only one, but two. While He anoints my Visa to save my day, Jojit had me another Mango Bravo as he raised his white flag for a war i had waged against him since last weekend. (Thanks really, you did surprised me. Sana lagi tayo war para lagi may Mango Bravo. wehehe.)

When i asked the Lord to give me a DSLR, i could hardly hear His answer. There are no signs that it is yet to be granted. But i was really hoping it would fall straight right from my ceiling. As a matter of preparation, i have graced every nook and cranny of my room and workstation with the clear images of the gift that i am bound to recieve. This is to allow the images and visions to penetrate my optic nerves with my every single wink, then have it processed right onto my mind. They say that everything in the world were created twice: the first in the mind and second in someone's hands. So in order to have my DSLR, i have to create it first in my mind, envision it as if i already have it, then shell out some hard-earned bucks to buy one. Hahaha. Adik.

But then i realized.. it's not that the signs weren't clear, or I cannot hear the Lord's answer. The answer is just right in front of my face. God tells me to wait. By now I could hear Him saying, "Lois, patience is a virtue. It will come in just the right time. Wait if you must."

Owkie. I'll wait. Marc Hipgeek and Jmark are right. It will come just in the right time. No room for disappointments or sadness, i could very well spent those waiting and patience days with equipping myself with the knowledge i must acquire to be a successful photographer. Swoosh. SOunds great.

It's really hard when you are badly hit by a disease called NAS (Nikon Acquisition Syndrome)
Bwahahaha. **big evil grin**

When i asked the Lord to give me a special child, He just didn't give me one, but a flock of outrageous, amazing and cool special children. Kids, you know who you are. SO many many thanks for the love, care and concern.

Always true: God always answers clearly, but not always quickly.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Ito lang ang gusto ko ngayong araw na to:


isang Nikon d60 na hindi ko nabili bago dumating ang araw na ito. huhuhu.
"Praktis ako ng praktis, may uniform na ko... nay..bakit???!?!?!"

Di bale, tomorrow is another day.

isang buong Mango Bravo ng Contis na hindi ko din mabibili kase wala na akong pera. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

at isang special child na sana ay nandito ngayon at nang aasar at nang iinis at nagpapaiyak pero nagpapangiti sa kin


pero kahit na wala ngayong araw na ito ang mga gusto ko, nagpapasalamat pa din ako sa mga mahal ko sa buhay na pilit dinudugtungan ang bawat hininga ko. wala man si nikon d60, si mango bravo at si special child, masaya pa din akong nakaabot ng dalawampu't walong taon sa kabila ng mga hirap na nararanasan ko.

salamat sa lahat ng bumati.
salamat kina kimi, berrie puff, eliwood, bentot at kanyang bagong biktima (hehehe) at kay robert langdon at camerlengo
salamat kina sir jovi, bechay, justine, jackie
salamat sa misa ng pasasalamat noong linggo sa Caleruega
salamat sa 1.75li na Fundador mula kay Daddy Franco
salamat kay doktora joy at pamilya
salamat sa ym friends
salamat sa clubT
salamat sa symbianize, tropaks, OC
salamat sa lahat
sa mga hindi ko nabanggit.. alam nyong naka reserve kayo dito sa puso ko.

tuloy tuloy lang lagi.



isang matamis na halik sa inyong lahat.




“I glorified you on earth by accomplishing the work that you gave me to do.” – John 17:4
Sonny de los Reyes, founding elder of my Catholic community, Serviam, was an amazing teacher of the faith and the most committed disciple I knew. When he spoke, everyone listened. And we all aspired to know our faith and love God as much as we believe he did. Rose Cabrera, our executive director of the Jesuit Volunteers Philippines program, was the most loving and caring staff member of the office. During my one-year stint, she visited all 35 of us volunteers who were scattered all over the country. She knew each of us by heart — our struggles, our idiosyncrasies, even the names of our siblings.
Lani Cabinte, a fellow member in our youth ministry and a promising doctor, deferred her wedding by several years to take care of her ill mother. She chose to delay her dream in order to be there for her family. These three people had two things in common: they gave their all to their callings but also died untimely deaths. Because their demise came so early, it was easy to see that they lived their lives thus far to fulfill their purpose. They were all servants in their own way. They are well remembered, and God was glorified through their service. George Gabriel
Have you found your calling?
Lord, may I glorify You by accomplishing the work You’ve given me to do.


Paul tells the leaders of the Church in Ephesus that he has no regrets about anything he has said and done in proclaiming the Gospel. He seems to indicate to them that he believes he is going to his death in Rome but this does not change anything he has stood for in the past. I do not know about you, but I hope and pray that I have a similar conviction as to the life I have lived when I come to the end of it.
Acts 20:17-27
17 From Miletus Paul had the presbyters of the church at Ephesus summoned. 18 When they came to him, he addressed them, “You know how I lived among you the whole time from the day I first came to the province of Asia. 19 I served the Lord with all humility and with the tears and trials that came to me because of the plots of the Jews, 20 and I did not at all shrink from telling you what was for your benefit, or from teaching you in public or in your homes. 21 I earnestly bore witness for both Jews and Greeks to repentance before God and to faith in our Lord Jesus. 22 But now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem. What will happen to me there I do not know, 23 except that in one city after another the holy Spirit has been warning me that imprisonment and hardships await me. 24 Yet I consider life of no importance to me, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to bear witness to the gospel of God’s grace. 25 “But now I know that none of you to whom I preached the kingdom during my travels will ever see my face again. 26 And so I solemnly declare to you this day that I am not responsible for the blood of any of you, 27 for I did not shrink from proclaiming to you the entire plan of God.”
Psalm 68:10-11. 20-21
R: Sing to God, O kingdoms of the earth.
9 [10] A bountiful rain you showered down, O God, upon your inheritance; you restored the land when it languished; 10 [11] your flock settled in it; in your goodness, O God, you provided it for the needy. (R) 19 [20] Blessed day by day be the Lord, who bears our burdens; God, who is our salvation. 20 [21] God is a saving God for us; the LORD, my Lord, controls the passageways of death. (R)
Today is the Feast day of St. Philip Neri, one of the great saints of Rome. It is reported that on his death, they discovered he had a number of cracked ribs due to an enlarged heart. Doctors may say that he died of a disease that caused his heart to grow too big; I prefer to believe that in his life he opened his heart to the love of God that God filled him beyond what his body could endure. His enlarged heart was a sign and symbol of his great capacity to love both God and his neighbor.
John 17:1-11a
1 Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come. Give glory to your son, so that your son may glorify you, 2 just as you gave him authority over all people, so that he may give eternal life to all you gave him. 3 Now this is eternal life, that they should know you, the only true God, and the one whom you sent, Jesus Christ. 4 I glorified you on earth by accomplishing the work that you gave me to do. 5 Now glorify me, Father, with you, with the glory that I had with you before the world began. 6 “I revealed your name to those whom you gave me out of the world. They belonged to you, and you gave them to me, and they have kept your word. 7 Now they know that everything you gave me is from you, 8 because the words you gave to me I have given to them, and they accepted them and truly understood that I came from you, and they have believed that you sent me. 9 I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for the ones you have given me, because they are yours, 10 and everything of mine is yours and everything of yours is mine, and I have been glorified in them. 11 And now I will no longer be in the world, but they are in the world, while I am coming to you.”

my reflections
think: I hope and pray that I, too, will have no regret about what I have done in proclaiming the Gospel at the end of my life.


GoD Will not AbAnDon us
One of the greatest fears any child has is the fear of abandonment, particularly by his or her parents. Of all the mammals born into the world, the child or offspring of the human being is the most dependent. It is also the most dependent for the longest period of time on its parents. It seems somewhat ironic that the smartest and most powerful of earthly beings is so defenseless and helpless as a child! I wonder why God designed it so?
Perhaps we see something of the wisdom of God in this arrangement as He is teaching those willing to reflect on this matter of our dependence on another, namely Himself, God. The very fact that people are willing to devote so much of their lives to the care of their children is surely a sign that there is something bigger in life awaiting us through faith. It is also a sign of the godlessness of our age that parents are choosing to have fewer children and many are choosing not to have children at all.
Human fulfillment, the greatest expression of human love, is found in our ability to give ourselves to others. The most common and powerful expression of this comes with marriage and the raising of a family. To the degree that we are abandoning such commitments in the numbers that we are today is a sign of both the godlessness of our age and the lack of willingness of people to commit themselves for a long period of time to a particular task.
The world has fallen for the lie of individualism, namely that I can be fulfilled in and by myself, in following my own dreams to the exclusion of other people. It is an empty and hollow promise as we are communal beings who need relationships with others in order to reach fulfillment, both in this world and the next. One of the great challenges facing the Church and society is to reawaken in peoples’ hearts the need and desire for lasting commitment to others. Fr. Steve Tynan, MGL

Reflection Question:
What are the levels of commitment I have to others? Have I fallen for the lies of the world and failed to recognize the need for lasting relationships in my life?
Holy Spirit, strengthen my resolve to be committed to the people I love and the commitments I have made no matter what the cost will be to me personally.
St. Philip Neri, Priest, pray for us.

Sunday, May 24, 2009


we love our brand new sony vaio!!!

Saturday, May 23, 2009


love it.

Friday, May 22, 2009


I have just uploaded loads of homebrew games and applications in my psp. It's been quite a long time since i got stuck in the iso scrabble game that i got from lorenz. My attention has also been partly diverted into learning some card magic tricks, to which i got fully influenced by jmark. hahaha. I still would like to pursue my career as a magician but my "alimango fingers" (according to jmark) couldn't help much to the realization of my new career. (Bad ka )

While i was reading some psp stuffs, i realize how the psp world had advanced while i was absent I was left behind the news and modifications and others of that ilk. The most recent buzz i know is that Dark Alex has been kidnapped by Abu Sony Hahaha. (I miss you Dark Alex! You rock! ) Funny as it may seem, but really, i was mid-chuckling upon realizing that i haven't even remember what the hell my current firmware is!! (Redge!!! , ano nga ung huli mong upgrade???!?!?)

Much care has been given to this psp as i would to any of my gadgets. As a matter of fact, every night, it has its own space right on top of the pillow beside me. (You read it right. Katabi ko sa pagtulog. Adik. Ganun talaga pag walang katabi pagtulog. Tyaga sa psp ) And since my car stereo isn't working, this PSP has been my constant companion to all the trips i make, serving primarily as an mp3 player. It has also served my addiction to Need for Speed, Patapon, Luxor, Worms, Diner Dash, Crash of the Titans, Lumines, Blokus, Word Games, Puzzle Challenge, Scrabble (to which i have been currently hyper addicted) , and a lot more games to which i have spent some luxury of my time. At most times, it has fed me with wonderful insights and information serving as my ebook reader. It has also fed my optic nerves by playing the videos that i have uploaded. All in all, it has become my one-stop shop just when i need to unlock something inside me, be it a childish usurp on winning a game or just a wanton excuse to escape boredom.

Through it all, it has been a silent witness as i struggle to live my life. It has seen me bubbled with joy as i whisper words of love. It has felt my pain as once there were tears that gently watered its screen. It has heard the angst and pain that i had let out.

More than anything, it's not just a psp.

It's my psp.

Home brewed to Lois' heart.

And oh, firmware's 5.00 m33-6.


Thanks again Redge.

I miss you Jeng :(

Thursday, May 21, 2009


so tired!
toxic work!

I am ready Lord. If You will, please take me.

Sometimes, i sleep with a heavy heart and ask the Lord to take me before the sun shines. My spirit, bedridden for the most part, knew this isn't a mere escape from the harsh realities of tomorrow, but of absolute submission to His will.

I am ready Lord. If You will, please take me.

I am ready Lord. If You will, please take me.

I am ready Lord. If You will, please take me.

Like a song running through my brain like an audio on loop ... as i finally give the evening the slip and slid gently into good night.


I am really blessed.

The more i thought (or prayed!) of not being able to wake up the next morning, the more God had wanted me to experience life's abundance as i bask in the limelight the next day.

And i woke up to a sweet voice that sprang life to me.


Like magical incantations, the words lavished a tempering effect in my mind and heart, like a soothing hum of the universe that wafted into my soul. A reminder for that single pill to globe trot my being. A reminder that time as vast as a desert had lost all demarcations i had set upon my sufferings. Like one huge shot of adrenaline in my veins, you can only imagine what bliss that moment brings.

In my days of diminished expectations and augmented consternation, is it the pill that keep me alive, or that moment of bliss?

It's a query that I'm still mulling over.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Nakaka excite naman to. San kayang sulok ng mundo pede ako makakuha ng kopya nito? Prang di ko kayang lumipas ang bente-kwatro oras na hindi napapasa-kamay ko ang isang kopya ng bagong libro ni Bob Ong. hihihi.



Naunahan na naman ang mga pulis sa pagtugis sa mga holdaper ng isang jewelry shop. Bago noon, may iba na ring nakahuli sa isang carnaper; sumaklolo sa mga taong nasa itaas ng nasusunog na building; nagligtas sa sanggol na hinostage ng ama; tumulong para makatawid sa kalsada ang isang matanda; tumiklo sa mga miyembro ng Akyat-Bahay; sumagip sa mag-anak na tinangay ng tubig-baha; nag-landing nang maayos sa isang Boeing 747 na nasiraan ng engine; at nagpasabog sa isang higanteng robot. Pero sino ang taong ‘yon? Maililigtas nya ba sila Aling Baby? At ano nga ba talaga ang sabon ng mga artista?


Ang pinakabagong superhero noon.
Mas matibay pa sa orig.
Sa mas mahabang panahon.

ni Bob Ong
ISBN: 978-9710-54501-8
168 pages, paperback
Filipiniana, FICTION
Suggested Retail Price: P175.00

*NOW available in Pandayan Bookshop branches 05.13.09
Powerbooks: Trinoma, SM Megamall, Shangri-la, Glorietta & Greenbelt 05.15.09

**UPDATE as of 05.19.09
Now in selected National Bookstore branches
Best to call your branches to inquire of the book's availability.
Konting pasensiya lang po at mahina ang kalaban.
We're hoping to reach all branches nationwide before the month ends.


mula sa:

<.-.> Para sa kapakanan ng mga mambabasa mong naghintay sa bagong libro, pwede mo bang sabihin sa amin kung tungkol saan ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas?
Kapitan Sino?
<.-.> Ah, oo, Kapitan Sino pala. Hehe. Ang ganda-ganda kasi ng Paboritong Libro ni Hudas. Yon ang paborito ko sa mga libro mo e. Hindi dahil sa nandoon ako, pero marami talagang nagsasabi na maganda yung Paboritong--
Ahem, um, ang Kapitan Sino ay tungkol kay Rogelio Manglicmot na nakilala ng mga tao bilang isang superhero sa katauhan ni Kapitan Sino.
<.-.> Ang haba ng pangalan! Para sakin mas gusto ko pa rin yung mga isinulat mong tauhan na five characters lang ang pangalan, yung simple lang, yung parang puro punctuation mark lang....
Ah, magugustuhan mo si Bok-bok, kasi may punctuation mark din ang pangalan nya!
<.-.> Sino naman yun?
Kaibigan ni Rogelio. Marami kang makikilala sa mundo ni Kapitan Sino.
<.-.> Pati si Tesla?
Si Tessa. Pero tama ka, dahil kinuha ko ang pangalan nya kay Nikola Tesla. Isa sa pinakamagaling, kundi man ang pinakamagaling, na electrical engineer sa kasaysayan, pero kaawa-awang naagawan ng maraming imbensyon.
<.-.> Hindi ba si Tessa ang nagpatagal ng ika-pitong libro?
Nagkakahiyaan kasi sila ni Rogelio. Nahirapan tuloy akong magsulat ng
kwentuhan nila. Yung iba ngang usapan, hindi na nila ipinasulat sa akin.
<.-.> Kaya ba isang buong araw kang nakinig ng mga senti?
Hehehe. Higit pa. Paulit-ulit-ulit akong nakinig ng mga love song, kasama na yung kanta ni Carole King, nang ilang linggo habang isinusulat ang tagpo nila. Pilit din akong nanood ng romantic movies pandagdag inspirasyon, at nagpaturo sa romance novel writer na dating miyembro ng Bobong Pinoy YahooGroup. Ewan kung pasado na ang gawa ko.
<.-.> Totoo bang lumang superhero si Kapitan Sino?
Hindi. Sya ang pinakabagong superhero...noon.
<.-.> 80's? Ibinalik mo ba ang oras sa Dekada Otsenta?
Oo, kaya mas akma ang kwento sa mga 27 years old pataas. Baka merong mga hindi gaanong maintindihang detalye ang mga mas batang mambabasa. Makakatulong kung meron silang mapagtatanungang matanda.
<.-.> Hmmm... mukhang interesante itong ika-walong libro.
Ika-pito. Pero tama ka ulit, dahil may mauuna pa dapat akong libro dito, kundi lang nakiusap si Mayor na paunahin ko na sila.
<.-.> May Mayor? Matatapatan ba nito ang dami ng celebrity sa Paboritong Libro ni Hudas?
Tinutukoy mo ba sila Donita Rose, Marvin Agustin, at Tootsie Guevarra na nasa ikatlong libro? Ikinalulungkot ko, pero mas hitik at nag-uumapaw sa mga celebrity ang Kapitan Sino.
<.-.> Pero hindi mo maitatangging ako ang pinakasikat mong celebrity dahil lumabas ako sa dalawang libro!
Tama. Lumabas ka sa itim at puting libro. Pero may iba pa kong tauhan na lumabas din ulit dito sa Kapitan Sino.
<.-.> Huh?! Hindi mo ko pinasasaya sa mga sagot mo, Bob Ong! At bakit ako magkaka-interes kay Kapitan Sino kung nung 80's pa ang adventure nya?
Kung itatanong mo yan pagkatapos magbasa, hindi mo naintindihan ang libro.
<.-.> Saan ba ko kukuha ng kopya?
Unti-unti na pong nagkakaroon ngayon ang mga paborito nyong eatery o sari-sari store. Kung wala pa, baka naubusan lang kayo. Subukan nyo ulit sa ibang araw.
<.-.> Magkano ba?
75 pesos lang po...kung panahon ni Cory Aquino! Pero dahil 2009 na, P175.00 po ang isa.
<.-.> Matagal-tagal bago nasundan ang Macarthur.
Ito ang pinakamatagal na agwat ng pagsusulat ko. Pero natapos din ang libro, salamat sa inspirasyon mula sa mga mambabasang tagapagpalakas ng loob at umaasang laging masusundan pa ang huling librong nabasa nila. Dahil sa simpleng hiling nila na laging masabihan kagad kung may bago na silang mababasa kaya ginagamit na naman kita ngayon para sa official announcement.
<.-.> Sanay na ko. Alam ko kailangan mo ng celebrity endorser para sa Kapitan Sino. Idagdag mo na lang sa talent fee ko yung t-shirt ng
Punta ka sa Komikon sa UP sa Sabado, May 16. Meron doong mga t-shirt ni Bob Ong. Mura lang dahil hindi ka na magbabayad ng shipping fee. Pagkakataon mo na!
<.-.> Aba, talagang double-purpose ang patalastas ah! May Swine Flu ka pa sa lagay na yan.
Sipon lang.
<.-.> Sa susunod mong libro wag kang gagawa ng announcement pag may sipon ka, kasi lalong kumo-corny.
Sige, susubukan ko. Salamat.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


missin' mah kuya melvin

where is he?
did he really turn his back on us?
clueless i really am.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The hardest enemy to fight is one’s self

Monday morning when the thought of fighting myself in the mybrute arena just popped through my mind.

I gained 1 experience point.

Most of the times, i would find myself arguing with the silly me in the stillness of the night. Deep in the recesses of my own soul, there's a battle inside that never got me into winning. Or have always got me into winning. Either way, they really inspire me to do better as i conquer my own self:

"Life is a paradox. The hardest things to grasp are the most commonsensical ones. The hardest things to see are the most obvious ones. The hardest enemy to fight is one’s self."
- Conrado de Quiros

“The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you.”
Leo F. Buscaglia

“To conquer oneself is a greater victory than to conquer thousands in a battle.” - Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Call me a fool, ruptured by reveries
Call me a stupid, bewildered by fantasies
Call me nothing, for none can explain
This unfathomable feeling, that drives me insane.

Try not to ask it, not to talk about it
Just feel its impact that is so exquisite
Beware lest you fall under its evil spell
It's just one heck of a hell!!!

It takes you out of your weary world
Brings out the best like a tender abode
It takes your breath away
And eases your pain and dismay.

Condemn no one, but you yourself instead
If this enigma still persists
Have I told you lately, it's highly epidemic
With 100,000 voltage.. it's ultra-electro magnetic!!!

Be careful as you struggle in this dilemma
Be tough as you are imprisoned by this enigma
But i guess you have to open your eyes first
Wink once, twice, thrice..
before your tears burst!!!

this poem of mine got published on:
Literary Folio of The Knight Publication
Colegio de San Juan de Letran-Calamba
Vol.5 February 1999

whew. tagal na. hahaha.

Love works in so many different ways that are so strange and wondrous.
It's magic.

And speaking of magic, lemme give yah some cool vids by Jmark in his pursuit for card tricks and magics.

You really rock hal!




Thursday, May 14, 2009

looking through my soul

looking through my soul

april 20, 2009, 4:08pm, sony dsc w130, photoshop cs filter: paint daubs

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


anong ginagawa ng salagubang na ito sa bump cap ko?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


advance happy birthday to me!

cute di ba?
babaw ng kaligayahan.

hal jmgdmtpg.Dmtwm

I was mentally enfeebled and reduced to infantilism having woke up in the middle of the wee hours. The easiest thing for me to grope in hours like this is my mobile phone that connects me entirely to the world (yeah, you mean the world to me :D) I reached for the mobile phone just beside my hair that is scrunched up in a knot, and attempted to ward off the darkness by stroking a single key. The light emanating from the mobile phone slowly sprang life, but the ravages of the night's lassitude had caught me off-guard against my sanity.

12:50am. Waging for my consciousness, i unconsciously pressed the keypad and produced this message:

hal jmgdmtpg.Dmtwm

I went the whole hog by adding a recipient (E pluribus unum! My finger has a life of its own i guess), and hitting the left green key.

Message sent.

I was able to get hold of my deed and had the capacity for introspection when i spoke to the E pluribus unum who had received my message an hour ago. He was chuckling at the deed while pronouncing my seemingly alien message and had asked me if i am still on my own self. Silly me.

Most of the times, i create a space, refuge and sanctuary where i let my sanity run wild, dancing on a night like this as my sanity takes on an alien face. More often, it is in these insane moments that i am able to give myself an infinite comfort as i drove myself home to the love that swirled around and moved me more powerfully than any scent of roses.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


may 10, 2009

at iba pang mga bulaklak sa hardin

Saturday, May 9, 2009


thought i was dead.

phone rang.
unknown number.



back to sleep.

Friday, May 8, 2009


I haven't posted for quite some time and as always, my attention has been diverted into some serious and/or silly things to which i believe i am capable of thinking and doing. (big evil grin)

I've been from the moon. (big evil grin)

Normally home to the bedlam that i always am, i took some time off to feel a dart of triumph in the muttering retreats of my restless nights, out from the blaring heat and honk and pushiness of everyday ragged lives. To simply know no other state than life, i submitted myself absolutely to the will of heaven and take up arms for the cause of my existence. Yes, it was yesterday's darkness indeed that made the light unusually bright as my heart starts to beat in panic, but then, who else will spring life to me as i blare out my attempted escape from stupidity?

My world had wound down and i breath a sigh of relief. I grope for some thoughts in my soul. This is how i rage against the dying of my light.. a progressive dementia of the stupid things that are taking my life in their most clandestine manners. Again, a strong conviction that i should never let my affliction get in the way of my living and stop harping on the folly of death.