SELF-ESTEEM

I would like to share to you some collective insights that I have learned which may have an impact in ourselves and in our organizations as well.

After years of working with organizations, I have concluded that a positive self concept – self esteem is the bottom line, the key to increasing productivity and the quality of the organization. From my vantage point, self-esteem advocates exactly right. Self-esteem is, indeed the heart of the matter.

Self esteem is the feeling I have about my self concept. When what I want for myself matches what I perceive myself to be, I have a positive self-concept, which in turn helps me feel as alive, self-determining, self-aware, significant, competent and likable as I want to be. Self esteem comes from choosing successfully to be the type of person I want to be.

Self esteem is both conscious and unconscious. It begins in childhood, and it is developed as I create my self concept through internalizing or rejecting messages about me that I receive from both my parents and others, and from my own experiences of what I cannot do and what I am and am not. I compare myself to others, or to an idea of the type of person I want to be or to other’s definition of an ideal.

I am not aware of my self-concept. I choose them to be unconscious because I am uncomfortable with them, or I feel I cannot do or do not want to deal with them. For example, I may have assumed that I was basically a bad leader, therefore not loveable by those who knew me well. I made this feeling of being unlovable unconscious: it was too painful to acknowledge. To hide this feeling from myself, or to defend myself against having to experience it, I may become arrogant; that is, I exaggerate my own importance, or I brag about my accomplishments or I act too ingratiating. This behavior arises out of unconscious low self-esteem and unconscious low self-respect. I demonstrate self esteem by being flexible, able to express myself fully, in charge of myself, and having accurate perceptions and learning to make all my perceptions conscious.

To the degree that I experience myself as being like my ideal, and as being unlike the self I want to avoid, I have positive self esteem. Similarly, the more I fall short of my ideal, the more disappointed I am in myself, the more anger I feel toward myself. Feelings of disappointments in and anger with myself reduce my self-esteem. Why do I feel inadequacies in my self-concept? How can I heighten my self-esteem? The answer to these questions lies in the concept of choice: I assume to choose my feelings and behavior because, ineffective as they may seem, I believe they will lead to pay-off. When I choose low self-esteem, it is because I get a pay-off for it.

For example, suppose I want to be funny or not. I am dour and ponderous. What do I get of being humorless? On reflection, I find that it feels safer to me. I suspect that people are laughing at me anyway, and I fear that if I take something as a joke when it means to be serious, I will be caught off guard and feel hurt. Therefore, I assume that everything is serious, so I can avoid surprises. My fear prevents me from being the humorous person I want to be, and that lowers my self-esteem.

When I am not feeling good about myself, compliments and support from other people are pleasant to hear but do not make me feel better for very long, if at all. I dismiss compliments because I believe complimentors do not know my faults, all the thoughts and feelings I have and all the things that I have done. If they knew, they wouldn’t feel the same way about me. There are other pay offs for choosing not to like myself more: “It is arrogant to like myself..If I appear modest, people will like me better..People will not expect much of me if I appear unsure of myself. I will not be impertinent enough to think that I am better than my parents…I would be ridiculous to like myself no one else did.

How can the organization make use of self-esteem?

Here is a new twist on an old saying: If I give a hungry woman a fish, she won’t be hungry. If I teach her how to fish, she’ll never be hungry. But, if I create conditions within she teaches herself how to fish, she’ll never be hungry and she may have enhanced self-esteem.”

Self esteem is the heart of all human relations and productivity in organizations. Since productive and efficient functioning depends on high self esteem, the organization can capitalize by enhancing self esteem. From this standpoint, the goal of the ideal organization is to bring about the greatest self esteem for the largest number of members. If all members have high self esteem, the organization will inevitably be productive and successful.

But the organization cannot give people self esteem. Providing perks, food, money is sometimes equated with increasing a person’s self esteem. Virtuous as these acts are, they are not necessarily related to increased self esteem. A hungry man given food is no longer hungry, but does not necessarily have any better feeling about his own ability to feed himself. This is not say we should not be generous. It is only to point out that these acts do not inevitably lead to increased to self esteem.

For the individual, the goal is to continuously enhance the aliveness, self determination, self-awareness, significance, competence and likeability. For the organization, the goal is to create an atmosphere that fosters all employees’ self esteem by participation, freedom, openness, recognition, empowerment and humanity.

In these changing times, you may want to reaffirm your capability to learn new skills. Recognize that learning is not task to be completed but a process to be continued.

A few guidelines and “personal ad campaigns” you may want to keep in mind during these changing times.

• Recognize that you are beautiful and unique just the way you are- the one and only and the very best there ever was.
• Get away from believing that you have to stack up with others. You are only in a competition with your own best self. Competing with others is not the key to mediocrity, it can also be damaging to one’s esteem level.
• Recognize that your own self-worth is innate and not determined by actions and decisions. You may lose in the election, but you are not a failure. You may fail to be the president, but you’re not a loser.
• Accept 100% accountability for your choices and decisions. Recognize and accept the fact that you create your own tensions, positive or negative, with your reactions or responses to what is happening in your world. Circumstances and other people do not make you tense; only you can make you tense.
• Recognize that mistakes are stepping stones for achievement. If you are laid off or displaced from your post, give yourself the opportunity to make and learn from your mistakes as you seek new organizations.
• Perhaps it would be wise to adopt the attitude of Thomas Edison when asked if he felt like a failure after 25,000 unsuccessful attempts to store electricity in a box, which was ultimately to become the electrical storage battery. His response was, “ We never perceived ourselves as failing at Edison’s Inventions Inc. We have false starts, temporary setbacks, learning mistakes. Basically, our approach to these 25,000 attempts is that we’ve discovered 25,000 different ways not to store electricity. We must be getting close to a breakthrough.” That attitude will bode you well.
• Enjoy each day at a time, recognizing that life is a journey to be embraced moment by moment. There are twin thieves that will rob you of your effectiveness today and damage your esteem. Those thieves are (a) yesterday, which is ancient history, and (b) tomorrow, which is a promissory note and guaranteed to no one. Learning to live in the now and celebrating each day with an attitude of gratitude is very esteeming. Mark Twain once said, “Live each day in such a way that if you were to die today even the undertaker would be sad”. Stop and smell the roses.
• Give yourself plenty of praise for the effort. Praise pays even when things are not going well.

If you are in the period of transition, here are some additional guidelines:

Talk to yourself gently with affection.

• Trust your inner voice and intuition
• Be committed to developing your full potential and creativity.
• Forgive yourself. Get over that guilty feeling
• Have fun. If you don’t feel like smiling, smile anyhow. You’ll think of something
• Take in the affection and compliments of others. Allow others to be your friends during these challenging times. You have the right to expect others to treat you with dignity and respect, but first begin by treating yourself that way.
• Choose not to be a complainer. It’s harmful to you and those around you.

Remember, attitudes are contagious, and there’s nothing more attractive or employable than a naturally happy, fulfilled leader. The difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter.

***

This was part of the inspirational speech i delivered during the annual Gawad Arriba for student organizations held in Letran-Calamba, March 2004.

WHEW!

MY FRIEND SENT ME THIS THREE YEARS AGO..
I LOVE READING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN......

******

AFTER A WHILE

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts,
and presents aren’t promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you begin to build all your roads on today
for tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to give flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.

AFTER “AFTER A WHILE”

After ‘after a while’
You want to hold a hand, not to chain a soul but to enjoy its company
And you want someone’s lips to kiss,
Not because you are lonely
But because you are happy
And you want to give presents
And you want to make promises.
After ‘after a while’
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
But like a child, will want someone to listen and care
And you want someone who will build roads with you today
so maybe you can pave the way for your future together.
After ‘after a while’
You want someone’s sunshine and warmth,
But also accept the rain and the cold,
And you want to give flowers picked from your own garden.
And when your garden is picture perfect,
You want it to be more than a picture
Even if it means having to be imperfect
Because you want someone in it to stay and to live.
Then you’ll see that there is such a thing as love…
And that you were made to live in someone else’s garden..
And you’ll know that there is more to life than yourself.


AND NOW…

You realize that no matter how tightly you hold
If you’re meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love gives you reason to understand
Even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just because you have convictions
Doesn’t mean you’re always right
You will remember lips because of the smiles that made your day
The words that touched your soul, not only because of the sweet kisses
And you graciously accept defeat and absorb the meaning of lessons learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person you never thought you’d be.
So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world head on,
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an armor
With more heartbreaks you will cry
But after every heartache, you will rise
Life is a garden..
it takes long to make it beautiful
But it’s always worth the wait.

LABNUTS

Dear kerstinne,

It is true that acceptance is the first step to moving on but I have always believed that we can never forget the person we love. You may have accepted that he doesn't love you anymore but have you really asked yourself if you feel the same way? I guess you really haven't gotten over your feelings for him. Your love is the chain that keeps you bound to your past and for as long as that love remains silently burning in your heart you will never forget the person that feeds that flame.

Kerstinne, acceptance will put one foot forward on the road to recovery, but the only way to move on completely is to get the other foot out from the love that binds your heart to him. Peace is in knowing that you are breathing the fresh air of the present without being tainted by the stale memories of the past. Every time you cry whenever you remember him adds one glowing ember to the flame in your heart. Every time you become sad when you think of your happy moments together blows more air to that burning fire. As long as there is that fiery emotion burning inside your heart, you will never be at peace with yourself.

For most of us, there will always be a past that will remind us of beautiful memories that we wish would come back to life. But the difference between those who have found real happiness and those who are tirelessly searching for it lies in their ability to stop living in their past and wishing for the things that could have been. Happy people are those who know how to accept the verdict of the past and forgive themselves for being part of it.

When we have loved and failed, we have to grieve for a while and then learn to stop loving that person. Only when we are able to do that can we open our hearts anew and learn to love again without having to be burdened by the guilt and regrets of the past.

- JDM

***********

Nakiki labnuts lang po..wehehehe..

I was just browsing through my files when i saw this (filename: BWAHA) ...was about to erase it, then curiosity got the better of me...so i opened the file..and..

whallah...

here ye..here ye...

MOKONG once told me that this song is beautiful. I disagreed then, told him the lyrics wasn't...said he's just referring to the melody...owkie..owkie...

hahahah...

so i made my effort to interpret every stanza...unfortunately...i wasn't able to finish it..and wasn't able to send it to him...

and now...true enough....he's out of reach.

***********

OUT OF REACH
by Gabrielle

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool

***
Just wonderin' what those signs were. Stupid: yes you are and you are not. Stupid for being swept away by me not knowing how i really look like.haha. And stupid you are not, because there is no stupidity in sharing the love that you have, and thankful i really am for meeting someone like you. Feel not like a fool, wise men say, only fools rush in. And i see you are not in the rush. haha.

****

So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

***
Confused? Don't be. Yes, we both have bruised hearts. And i do hope our love is the panacea we both have been searching for.
Yes again, you were loved by lois.

****

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach, miles apart.
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes A while to regain
What is lost, inside
And i hope that in time
you'll be out of my mind
And i'll be over you

But now i'm
So confused,
My hearts bruised
Was i ever loved by you?

Out of reach
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be
Out of reach,
So far
you never gave your heart
In my reach, i can see
Theres a life out there
For me

***********

CODA:

When he said this song is beautiful, i assumed he is dedicating the lyrics to me. But the world turned upside down.

For the denouement, i would like to dedicate this song to him :D



** So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes A while to regain
What is lost, inside
And i hope that in time
you'll be out of my mind
And i'll be over you **

It was boredom that logged me in the virtual world. Familiarity breeds contempt,and so i've grown so tired of my real life i needed to enter another dimension.

Click: Register.Log in.Enter.Join

In just one key stroke,i am exposed to limitless exchange of information. Infinitum. No boundaries.Anything i wish to know is just executed on a single click. Something that electrocuted the snoozing nerves & cells of mine.

I was able to suffice the hunger in my brain. I was able to feed the curiosity in me, able to explore the perpetuity in learning.and able to bridge human connections.

My real life taught me the value of friendships. And so i decided to bring with me these values as i enter the virtual life. I indeed made friends,and must i say, real good friends. When gratefulness for this bond couldn't be contained in just our virtual worlds, it was very mutual for all of us to bring the friendships in our real life.

And my world is brighter than before.

***

I usually ran to my virtual world when pain is harder to bear in my real life. I used to consider it as my sanctuary. Not as an escape from the bitterness of my real life, but a transient haven where pain and resentment can be easily diminished by a smiley icon.

In my virtual world, i can be who i am.i can tell anybody whatever name,age,sex & location i want to. I could lie to them and i will not be held punishable. I can hide my real feelings, thanks to the default smileys emoticons made especially for liars like me.

Indeed, lies are very easy to propagate in this virtual world.everyone can be single in status,anyone can be as young as a toddler just beginning to fiddle the keyboard.and anyone can stand anywhere in the globe.We can all be grand and rich, or just as poor as those living in shanties.We can be who we want to be,a doctor,an engineer,a beauty queen,a model,an actor,an actress,chef,etc....the possibilities are limitless.this is the greatest show on earth.

***

While i will be forever grateful to the friendships that was born here in this virtual world, i also have to turn the tables to the dark side of it. Spoiled relationships served that poisoned souls. Hollow pursuits to carnal pleasure. Pornography. Theft and others of that ilk.

For the reason that these things can be done in clandestine,these crimes are a dime a dozen. More and more net users are getting hooked on it, not only for simple pleasure but for entrepreneurial advantages as well. Day by day,grave display of flesh has become a staple in this virtual world,involving people of all ages,from all walks of life. Indeed,everyday has become the feast of flesh.

***

do u believe that there's romance online?in as much as friendships are born virtually,and so is romance also,there's a thin line between love and friendship.

I've heard of legions of love stories developed over the net.i for one, had a share of experience,but not much to discuss here in details, hehe.For people who has been online for most of their time,it is not impossible for the feelings to be cultivated.You grow your feelings mutually over the time you spent connected.

The problem lies on the spontaneity of the relationship,of up to what extent both of you are willing to risk to keep the relationship alive.

*********

damn i can't finish this one. duh.

It's a Monday morning. Haven't eaten breakfast, lunch & dinner since yesterday. The pain of being left by someone who used to love & care so much has brought irregularities in my system.

Haven't had a good night's sleep also. I was bothered. I can't seem to get in touch with myself, or must have I been in full attachment that I no longer decide for myself, just giving in to my system’s direction :(

*************

11/11/07: Ysmael on the OC shoutbox: whew! Was I so discombobulated :(

hello mahal ko.... thanks for everything :) you made me very happy with the love that you showed, with the care that you lavished and the attention that you gave...

you know how painful this is for me. i was once your ideal wife, and my world changed when i have attested my love for you. i was then willing to wait, willing to be in your arms, to lie with you under the stars, and laugh together and sing together...and wish to take care of you for the rest of my life...

i have been trying hard to get well so that when you are home..im not a sick girl anymore..

but then we all deserve to be happy...

and im done with it...my happiness is over..you were just starting to be happy again...with someone you knew so well..with your friend..and i can only wish the both of you everlasting happiness that i also wish to have...

you have given me happiness i have never experienced before..with someone waking me up every morning, reminding me of my medicines..asking me if im home already..requesting me to take a rest after a whole day of household chores, sneaking a small window at work just to chat with me, simply just being there to absorb all my rants, my sweet nothings...everything this life has me in store...continuously reminding me..that someone..outside the Philippine archipelago..in the burning heat of the desert, has loved me with all his heart. i am so thankful to have experienced this..for no one has ever made me feel this way...

my heart bleeds when i hear you coughing..wishing i was there to bring you a glass of water..to rub your back..to hug you.. to massage you when you had backpains due to a whole day of continuous work...my heart swells knowing you are not feeling well..and i can only pray for the power of God's healing to be bestowed on you because i can't be there personally ..my heart jumps when you are happy with your bowling scores..i only wished some strikes are excellently done for lois...just as what i have did in the tournaments i had..though not that victorious....but all for you....i wish to have a real good bowling match with you....hahahah...

everything i did then..i did it all for you..all my works to be colored with excellence..because i want you to be proud of me.you became my everything . my everything. maybe i wasn't that good in showing it up.maybe i don't have the skills of reverberating to the world the love i have for you..and i am so sorry to have caused you pain.

and i did love you that much. at one point in my life..in see you in my future..and how i would want to turn the hands of time...to be in that point..i have told you once..to let me just love you... and i will....always..with all the respect i have for someone who has taken good care of me...especially during my down times...

and like what i have said before..no one deserves a sick girl like me...

then let us be friends..just as what you have said.

but you will always be my **mahal ko** for the rest of my life. you have made me very special, in all your ways.... with the happy memories..to stay with me..for as long as i am breathing...

i will never forget the love we once shared.

and i will always be your LOIS :)

i love you po. always.

I ask God for the miracle of healing.

I ask Him to take away all my sorrows and pain.

I ask Him to make me stronger as i face all the seemingly insurmountable trials in my life.

I ask Him to take care of my family, friends and loved ones.


I ask Him to bless me with the gift of forgiveness, to those who continually puncture the wounds in my heart.

I ask Him to shower the world with love

To bring sunshine in our lives.

God bless us today.

Thanks for another life.

I'm in deep pain...digging deeper to find a reason to live.... i struggled and fretted how to get over this thing. i wanted to find some words that would stick with you, something that would maybe bring you a little peace and hope and wisdom whenever you thought about me...but naturally...the minute i try to come up with something deep and meaningful, my mind goes blank. I want to cry my guts out. I am filled with sadness and emotionally drained.

*****************

Pain. You just cant put it off. All you can do is delay it. Which is the worst thing you can do, because it festers. It grows huge and ugly. It builds up pressure and power. In the end, delaying it means you have more pain to deal with, not less. Because sooner or later, the pain finally breaks through all the defenses and settles in for good, long siege. That pain has no other plans for the foreseeable future. It unpacks its bags and prepares for a lengthy visit.

*************

Pain has visited me. Longer than i have expected. Maybe even for a lifetime.

BEFORE AND AFTER


BEFORE:

Good afternoon, fellow TSC members!

It is my belief that there is more to learn outside our automotive industry, and so TSC has come up with this activity of exposing fellow member companies to non-automotive industry.

With the global concern of protecting our environment, Toyota Suppliers Club joins this environmental drive by promoting activities that will foster environmental awareness, health and safety in our workplaces.

Our gratitude goes to Integrated Recycling Industries for welcoming us and allowing us to witness their operation. They deserve our commendations for the noble work that they are doing, in their continuous quest for a cleaner and greener environment. They have proven that making a difference also comes with benefits, and that is being successful in their entrepreneurial endeavor.

May this activity provide you with pertinent information that will help enhance your related environment, health and safety programs. May this also inspire you to make a difference by employing activities that concerns environmental protection.

In behalf of Toyota Suppliers Club Officers and members, again, we would like to thank the management and staff of Integrated Recycling Industries for the warm welcome and support of our visit today. And also, for the entire member companies who joined this activity, thank you so much for your cooperation. We hope to see you again in the coming TSC activities.

Good day to all!

******************

AFTER:

Good afternoon, to the Management and staff of Integrated Recycling Industries and to my fellow TSC members!

On behalf of the Board of Directors and the member of the Toyota Suppliers Club, I would like to express our sincerest gratitude to Integrated Recycling Industries for warm hospitality and cooperation that you extended to us in today’s local plant visit. Indeed, your preparation contributed a great deal to the success of our activity, making the same not only informative and motivational but truly enjoyable, as well.

To TSC member-companies, I hope that this activity has effectively provided you with pertinent information and new ideas that will help enhance your programs related to environment, health and safety. May this also inspire you to make a difference by employing activities that concerns environmental protection. We hope to see you again in the coming TSC activities.

Good day to all!

************

hmmmnnn. Minsan naisip ko kung bobo ba ako or talagang pinagttripan nila. Kung talagang walang kwenta ung mga ginagawa ko o talagang iniinis na nila ako.

Nakakainsulto. Pro dapat matuto.

Buti sana kung isang beses lang nangyari. Pero kung paulit ulit na lang na ganito, ibig sabihin..hindi pa rin ako natututo?

Nakakaubos ng enerhiya.

THE ESSENCE OF A WOMAN

'What is the essence of a woman?' This was a question posed to the beautiful 18-year-old lady in an international beauty pageant. She answered, 'Just being a woman is God's gift. The origin of a child is a mother, a woman. She shows a man what sharing, caring and loving is all about. That is the essence of a woman.'

The world hailed not only the physical beauty this lady possesses, but the richness of thoughts and wellspring of ideas with high regards to women.

Women have played a role in the transformation of culture, history and politics as leaders, writers, scientists, educators, politicians, artists, historians, and informed citizens. The world is supercharged with women lifting up the society. Gone were the days when women are confined in the four corners of a cell. Now adays, women are in charged of the same basic activities exuding machismo. These bold and new ideas are now being put into practice. Not much of a whimsical aspiration, but of tangible truth.

Grasping the accounts of women's talents, successes, and accomplishments broaden a sense of what is possible for girls who eventually progress into women. Details about women and their successes gives males and females alike a view that dares to dispute some of our cultures' most unconscious and old-fashioned assumptions about women. These includes assumptions that women are only women enough behind a man, that all their actions are highly dependent on the man of their lives, whether a father, a brother, or a husband. But the reality is that of better existence for women. That a woman can take charge of their bodies, minds, lives, careers, finances and families in a way never before seen. A world of choices lay at their doors. Choices that did not always include men. Decisions that were career-oriented and goal driven. And being a woman is all about choices, the power and freedom never before obtained, embraced in mind, body and spirit.Thus, women's history becomes a story of inspiration, promise, possibility, purpose, and hope.

Women have always been the nurturing, giving, kind beings and that has been perceived as a weakness for millennia. The coming of the New Millenium has awakened a power within women today. Women are recognizing what they are, the real essence of their selves. Women are speaking out and living their own lives., may be within a family, a relationship, a job, a corporate environment or any other lifestyle imaginable. One thing, however, is becoming very clear - women have strength, imaginations, and a spirituality that gives them the teeth and power to change their lives and to live as their own person. It is this mystical spirituality that gives women the ‘teeth’ to grab the quarry (whatever it may be) and protect the love and passion in their lives. It adds to the whole woman and becomes the part of her essence which is missing in so many.

The essence of a woman is her femaleness itself. What truly sets women apart from men is not merely the accomplishments or abilities, but the very gender itself. The ability to grow, incubate, nurture and bring forth life. What can be more important and powerful than that?

The definition of woman, is a giver of life first, and then anything else she wants to be. Women hold a very important and awesome job in the eternal scheme of things. More important than any demands society as whole may put upon their shoulders. Their true power doesn't lie in the boardrooms of a company, nor in their endeavors as modern women. It lies within their selves. It lies in the very structure of their gender. There is no such thing as being just a mother. Motherhood is the whole thing. Everything else they do in their lives will pale in comparison. The one true career, the one perfect goal, is to bring forth life, and bring it up. That is their main purpose. And it is the one thing that makes them the most proud about being a woman.

Let us celebrate the innumerable ways in which the remarkable spirit, courage, and strength of women have added to the vitality, richness, and diversity of the world. The charm, the beauty, and the sheer essence of a woman are untouchable. What a beautiful thing.

****************

these are collective ideas from various posts in response to my dear kuya's request for a speech about women :)

Monday morning, the heavens suddenly wept copiously, drenched i was in furious rain. sigh. It was just another adversity, albeit a minor one.

BAD HAIR DAY

Had my hair trimmed.

I cant recall the last time i had it. All i knew is that it doesn't look good anymore with its ends splitting.

So off i went to the parlor, swarmed by gays in majority. Approached the counter, and the receptionist greeted me with a smile. "Ma'am, haircut po ba?" Just as i am about to answer YES, in split seconds she was able to shoot me her next question, "Ma'am, baka gusto nyo po mag pa relax, or rebond, bigyan ko po kayo 20% discount, okey sya sa hair nyo ma'am, straight na straight po....."

BIG EVIL GRIN.

"No thanks, just a haircut."

************

This is a story of a prince and princess who fell in love to each other. Unfortunately, their kingdoms are miles apart, but they insisted on fulfilling their love for each other.
It was a very difficult situation for both of them. Life gets rocky sometimes.

Just as when they are about to give up, the prince sent her princess a letter :

Stay With Me...

Stay with me, love
when dawn arrives;
kiss me like the morning rays.
Don't let the magic
we shared in the night
flitter with the light of day.

Stay with me
Be at my side.
We've not yet attained our noon.
Let's cast off the hands of time,
and dance beneath
a lover's moon.

Stay with me
when the sky grows dim
and a zillion stars come
to play their evening song,
Touch me again and again.
Stay with me long.

God knows how much I have Loved YOU, just always take care whatever you do. Wala man ako sa paningin mo, isipin mong nandyan lang ako sa tabi mo. I'm always here for you

(bilingual ang prinsipe natin dito ha.weheheh.)

**************

And so the princess scribbled an epistle to his prince also:

It is my belief that our relationship transcends beyond the stream of messages.When i first learned that my heart beats for the prince in you, i examined myself, and realize that the feelings are so authentic, so real it can go far beyond where you are right now, miles apart from me.

Yes, it is possible for two people to be inloved with each other even though distance separates them. As pristine as the love that is felt by two people falling for each other without physically being together, without coming face to face.
And i very well know this. Because i have loved you in these instances.

Yes, you indeed rocked my world. Feeling you so close to me. Hearing you so clearly. You are so real to me my prince. And thankful i am so much for having met you. How much more could i be thankful that i have been loved by you. Cared by you. Treasured by you. Bliss.

I have never been loved like this before. Never been adored like this in the past summers of my life. Only you have touched me this strangely. This enigmatic. And was i drawn to you in a fleeting moment.

But i haven't been so warily in our relationship. A wall of indifference had somehow been constructed between us without my being aware of it. And yes, i had my fair share on it. Redundantly doing what you requested me not to do. Repeatedly commiting the things that hurt you. Yes, it is only now that i have become so aware of it. How foolish of me.

I apologize for the coldness that you felt with my affection. While it's the emptiness that you can perceive in our relationship, i haven't been aware that i have been projecting it, for deep inside me, i am still wounded by so many things. I am sorry for not having gone into the intricate details of my internal sufferings. For i do not want to be a burden to you. All i ever hoped for is to make this relationship better than our pasts. Happier than before. Blithely than we can ever wished for.

Admittedly, i enjoyed the comforts of being sorrounded by friends. Being alone in my life's struggles for quite a long time has taught me that pains are lessened when shared with friends who cushion the blow. Yet i know love and friendship are two different things. There's a thin line between the two, i guess, but i assure you i know very well myself as to where i stand. My friends had enabled me to survive these long years of pain and suffering. But my love has always been my reason for living. And you being my love, you are my life to which i want to live.

I am heartily sorry for my shortcomings. I want to share a life with you. I have loved you far beyond you can imagine. I .Thank you for taking time in taking care of me. I have been ignorant of so many things due to some disturbances which i cannot again disclose. But i hope everything will be okay.

I choose to stay. Even if you dont want me to. Even if you are cursing me. Even if you are very angry to me. Even if you dont love me.

I'll stay.

And wait....

until we can be together.

***********

aw. nakakatouch ang kwento db.

Muriatic acid

My mind was complaining. I have been overdoing the design revision of ATR-11 from star-ejector to single knock-out design, yet, after almost a year, i haven't finalized the design, endorsed and submitted. I have been bombarded by complains regarding the present operational problems of the old design, and maybe, deaf i was not to prioritize it. There had been inner conversations inside my head. Should i finish it or not. Then suddenly, in my hallucinations, i overheard my boss... "Finish the revision.......or else....i'll finish you first....*big evil laugh..BWAHAHAHAHAHA*"

Whoah.

Felt like peeing. So off i went to the comfort room.

Ewww. The smell stinks.

Muriatic acid. The janitor must have poured some in our toilet bowl. There had been yellow stains in it. Sometimes, you just can't identify where these yellow stains come from. Are these scales from the water? or just residues of...uhhmmm..never mind (ulk)

Muriatic acid.

Muriatic acid is the commercial name for hydrochloric acid. Browsing through the wikipedia, it is the aqueous (water-based) solution of hydrogen chloride gas (HCl). It is a strong acid, the major component of gastric acid and of wide industrial use. Hydrochloric acid must be handled with appropriate safety precautions because it is a highly corrosive liquid.

I for myself prefer muriatic acid for use in cleaning our comfort room. Being a strong acid, it can remove the dirt and stains an ordinary cleaner (say clorox) can't do.
It also amazes me that after pouring it into the object with stains, the chemical reaction takes place in front of my eyes, bubbles formed and poisonous gases are released. Welcome to the world of chemistry!

I cannot count how many times i must have inhaled this gaseous release (i have been cleaning the comfort room since i had my first tooth!lols) I can still remember how i choked to death due to the inhalation this gas, i scampered out from the comfort room begging for my life. A glass of water did save me. (I drank the water of course, were you thinking i doused my whole face in it??ggggggggrrrrrrrr) If i could count how many times it did gave me another life, this must have been my 103rd life to live. Oh, that was just an exxageration. :)

Add to that the scorching on my skin when i happen to come in contact with it. It burns, it stings, wheew. There's an inner voice that scolds me whenever i wear gloves in cleaning the comfort room. HANDS-ON. I'd hear the voice commanding me. The hell whoever it is, but i did follow whatever he tells me to do. SIR YES SIR. HANDS ON SIR. I WILL REMOVE MY GLOVES SIR. My sanity is lost i guess. lols.

These are just some of my "fortunate" mishaps in my quest for a clean and gleaming comfort room. Would i say i have passion for muriatic acid? haha.
or muriatic means the world to me?haha again.

This whole muriatic thing just popped through my mind. My life has always been a struggle. There had been a lot of muriatic acids poured into my life. Dual burdens of an immensely increased workload. Problems which bugged me down, most are stentorian in condemnation, with a keen sense of hogging my energies. Yes, they choke me to death, sting, burn, scorch. I’ve known these problems to singe my soul. I have a lifetime of experience to vouch for it.

More often, when we are bombarded by problems, our initial reactions cannot be explained nor calculated by the simplest to complex chemical formulas. No amount of wisdom could ever explain what we really feel when we are faced with legions of obstacle that strangles us.

But then, these problems are the elements of life which make us better persons. These cleanse the dirt in us, though often through painful ways. After going through a difficult situation, we are expected to emerge gleaming with dignity, pride and success, having gone through all the burning and scorching of our souls. And through his, we learn a lot.

Sometimes, it takes a painful situation to change our ways and to alter our perspective.

I just love this eyeshadow. It's Gelato's Eyes Cream. (Nyahahah...ice cream or eyes cream??)

grasshopper
· n. a plant-eating insect with long hind legs which are used for jumping and for producing a chirping sound. [Family Acrididae: many species.]

Sunday evening, i was about to do the dishes when this grasshopper caught my attention. Wala lang. Na kyutan lang ako. Bigla syang tumalon after ng flash.

Next scene: Umirit ako. AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.............

It was a gloomy Sunday morning. Slept past 11 last night, woke up with a headache at 730am, but was feeling so relieved because i don't need to rush to work. I got no "layas" sked this Sunday, (which i became used to since my friends became so addicted with their gfs and bfs im not quite sure if they still recognize my existence, huhuhu)

I'm so damn lazy to get my ass to work on household chores, so i guess i am again stroked in front this pc again. Rain is pouring outside, lovely day for ducks! The possibility of drying my clothes is so slim... huhuhuh

I'm not feeling well for the past week, must have been due to this molar (up and down) and the deferred pain could be felt all over the left side of head. But i can't just stop everything and dwell on this pain, and so i have to go on with my usual activities with this persisting pain. Im so unfortunate i could not immediately have the dentist check it out, because lately my pockets are empty, i still have to wait for the next payday. Poor me. But life is always like this, no matter how much pain we are experiencing, it must always go on Pain is always an ingredient, but i believe it makes us stronger no matter how salty our lives could be. And the penny problem? God will always find a way to help us cope with our problems.

**********

I purchased last Thursday a book entitled GONEGOSYO by Joey Concepcion. It's a about 50 Inspiring Entrepreneurial Stories of Filipinos. I have been damn wanting to buy this book for almost 2 months, and finally, my BPI credit limit allowed me to have this book rest on my own bookshelf. I am no business woman, but i believe that one way to look at the brighter side of life is to read inspiring successful stories. I have heard some of the stories written in this book and was very inspired, so when i spotted this manuscript, i cannot help but crave for it Well, it did serve its purpose, im currently on 78th page and have read the stories behind Island Souvenirs, LBC courier, Tallwood venture capital, Paolo Bediones' businesses, Belo Medical Group, Jolibee Food Corporation, Del Monte Philippines, Bench,Level Up Ragnarok, Buhi Corp (the one that sets the fishes to sleep) and Concepcion Industries. Was i so inspired! I have observed that some of these people started off small. I still have a lot to learn till page 316.. So in my curious mind maybe i'm starting to brainstorm on the suitable business i'd have should i resign from my work Nyahahaha.

Just last night, i was chatting with a friend. I dont know what suddenly went through my mind, all i knew is that my sanity went kaput when he mentioned something that didn't seem melody to my ears.

He said he knew me well, judging from our acquaintance of barely less than half a year. He was insisting that he knew me so well, maybe, rooting his judgment from what had transpired for the last months.

Yes, maybe it was something i did, or something stupid i had shown, but no one here could ever really know each other unless we have been together for over our entire lives. I think it's not fair for us to be told that they knew us very well for us to be judged by him/her accordingly.

Sigh. My energy level suddenly dropped off due to this conversation last night, and i was really feeling so debilitated by anger, hehehe. Sorry for that. (Kala ko nga magno-nose bleed na ko.lols)

It's not always what-you-see-is-what-you-get. People have to dig deeper for us to know the real person. Couples who have been together for more than a century claim they knew their partners very well, but surprises them when suddenly they feel aloof for some reasons they can't even explain. Ever heard of lovers who are together for so long yet wished to be separated suddenly claiming they just don't know each other anymore? And people who have to tread different paths in order for them to fully understood themselves alone? There are even long lists of instances when people conclude that a lifetime is not even enough to know a person.

We all have masks to wear. We maybe showing just a quirk of our character with people whom we have just met, especially over the net. And so it doesn't surprise me that the possibility of meeting real and true persons over the net is very slim. Yet, we maybe lucky enough when true and real persons enter our lives, we could only be thankful for the very grace of Him leading us and the right person to friendship and happiness.

I think it is best possible for us to be flexible to the people we mingle with, to be open-minded to the individuality in each of us. We are created in our own uniqueness, and so for me, i think it is imperative that we do not judge each other by what we just see in them. Just as a book should not judged by its cover, and so are we, individuals, should not be judged hastily.

And to my friend, yes, you are always entitled to your own opinion. I harbor no guilt in you. You will always be my friend. If somewhat i have shown negativity in my character over the months we have been acquainted, it's just me. (I believe we all have those little devils in us. Come on, admit it, .heheheh ) And i want you to trust me that though it is not going to be an easy ride of life for me, i can always hang on.Thanks for showing me your concern, and for scrutinizing my quirk of character that you thought you knew well for so long. But in my humble opinion you still haven't. Peace yoh.

And to the single person out there who has been caring for me, i am sorry for the insentivity i have shown. Yet you stayed with me inspite of my imperfections and flaws. Thanks for not judging me, for accepting me for who i am. Thank you also for exerting your Herculean efforts in taking time to understand me, and the fairy little devils in my character. I know God has his own ways of settings things into the right places. **tears, tears, tears**

I will always feel very blessed because of my friends in and outside of this home. To my friends who has been so loving and caring yet care less of the negativity in me, thank you very much. You will always be rewarded of your own kindness I wish to reward you with mine also. I wish to spend my lifetime with you so that hand in hand, let us know each other fair enough to celebrate life and friendship.

We have a lifetime of friendship to vouch for the familiarity in each of us.

Ciao.