I suck big time after a quality meeting with the @ssh0les.
I was thinking of going out for good.
But where shall i go after?
The going gets tough. I think it won't be long till i quit this piece of sh*t.
HELP.
share a life with me. draw with me. play with me. sing with me. read with me.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
talisman
God has felt the pain in me the moment i lay myself to bed. My stomach was churning in a mix of pain, longings, suffering and depression. It's good that I managed to keep my wrist away from anything sharp for the time being.
I am as if a child begging for a candy. God knows my pain, so in between my being disturbed and being awake, i found my hero sitting beside me, holding my hands, and assuring me of a peaceful journey. I was enthralled by his presence, if only i could just stay in my dreams. He was there, clad in his beige polo and smiling face. It was a definite isolation from reality, an imagination-drive moment that connected me to the past and served as bridge to the present.
Dreams like this have always been a talisman of sort, an invisible patch that makes the journey of my outward bound life mesmerizing. There is no better way to relish the day but to look back at those, and somehow a pain in me had subsided even for a moment.
I'm in a sine curve again. I am missing happiness. SO much.
I am as if a child begging for a candy. God knows my pain, so in between my being disturbed and being awake, i found my hero sitting beside me, holding my hands, and assuring me of a peaceful journey. I was enthralled by his presence, if only i could just stay in my dreams. He was there, clad in his beige polo and smiling face. It was a definite isolation from reality, an imagination-drive moment that connected me to the past and served as bridge to the present.
Dreams like this have always been a talisman of sort, an invisible patch that makes the journey of my outward bound life mesmerizing. There is no better way to relish the day but to look back at those, and somehow a pain in me had subsided even for a moment.
I'm in a sine curve again. I am missing happiness. SO much.
Friday, February 25, 2011
How
I miss you mr.courageous.
I wish i could be with you in this life again. But i dont know the chances. Thank you for making this ill princess feel cared and loved, even for a moment. I dont know where you are right now, you carry my heart with you, and you left your heart with me.
It's been half a year.
Where are you?
I know i couldn't pass this depression. I just know.
But in the event that i submit myself to Him, carry with you my heart.......
I wish i could be with you in this life again. But i dont know the chances. Thank you for making this ill princess feel cared and loved, even for a moment. I dont know where you are right now, you carry my heart with you, and you left your heart with me.
It's been half a year.
Where are you?
I know i couldn't pass this depression. I just know.
But in the event that i submit myself to Him, carry with you my heart.......
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Oh please
It's an early morning Wednesday work. I got in a little sleepy, doze off late last night because i was very busy smashing the pigs. (lol. angry birds mode) Halfway through the week i was setting myself all the positive good vibes i could to fuel me more into an increased productivity.
I'm just a little bit disturbed that i am surrounded by negative people that rob me off some energy that i so very need. Distrustful people that is way too proud of themselves for being such, dishonest people that later wonder why their life has been so miserable. People who gossip about others life, then ask above why sacrifice and hardships are their daily staples.
During these trying times, it sucks to be surrounded by these kinds of two-legged creatures.
Oh please.
I need a breather.
I'm just a little bit disturbed that i am surrounded by negative people that rob me off some energy that i so very need. Distrustful people that is way too proud of themselves for being such, dishonest people that later wonder why their life has been so miserable. People who gossip about others life, then ask above why sacrifice and hardships are their daily staples.
During these trying times, it sucks to be surrounded by these kinds of two-legged creatures.
Oh please.
I need a breather.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
HOME
Four days of driving hiatus had taken its toll. I just bailed out my car from the autoshop where they got it fixed.
I got into an accident last week on my way home when an overtaking Sentra cut on me and hit my fender and bumper. The initial police investigation vindicated me and had an inkling to press the blame on the other vehicle. The Sentra owner initially had to deny the charges. I had to turn the spark into a conflagration and as i am bound to lift the case to the higher authority and have both our vehicles impounded and our licenses confiscated, the other vehicle raised his white flag and reversed his militant denial of reality.
So during my four-day driving hiatus i had to get off earlier to catch our shuttle service. I was once again a commuter, who at first doesn't know how much the fare for a specific travel is. Oh poor me, breaking a habit has always been a back to square one thing.
But tell you, riding the shuttle is still sweet in its own simple ways. I get to savor quick cat naps during the travel. I get to tinker with my ipod, play games, or even read a book on the way. I even get to chat with a seatmate. How could i turn catatonic to that!
For a moment i get to enjoy simple things that i have missed when my sweetie's off to recovery.
And now me and my sweetie are back on track. Of course, i so dearly missed my company. While it is literally a fact that i am the one riding my car to where i want to go, the same holds true to sweetie as he rides me in all my physical and emotional sentiments as we cruise together along the way. In my more than three-year relationship with it, it has taken much blows and counts to save its princess, and i know it will do so to the best that it could in the days to come.
And where sweetie is, the road is always fine and smooth, and it is always warm and sunny.
I am so happy to be cuddled up by sweetie again.
I am so glad to be home.
I got into an accident last week on my way home when an overtaking Sentra cut on me and hit my fender and bumper. The initial police investigation vindicated me and had an inkling to press the blame on the other vehicle. The Sentra owner initially had to deny the charges. I had to turn the spark into a conflagration and as i am bound to lift the case to the higher authority and have both our vehicles impounded and our licenses confiscated, the other vehicle raised his white flag and reversed his militant denial of reality.
So during my four-day driving hiatus i had to get off earlier to catch our shuttle service. I was once again a commuter, who at first doesn't know how much the fare for a specific travel is. Oh poor me, breaking a habit has always been a back to square one thing.
But tell you, riding the shuttle is still sweet in its own simple ways. I get to savor quick cat naps during the travel. I get to tinker with my ipod, play games, or even read a book on the way. I even get to chat with a seatmate. How could i turn catatonic to that!
For a moment i get to enjoy simple things that i have missed when my sweetie's off to recovery.
And now me and my sweetie are back on track. Of course, i so dearly missed my company. While it is literally a fact that i am the one riding my car to where i want to go, the same holds true to sweetie as he rides me in all my physical and emotional sentiments as we cruise together along the way. In my more than three-year relationship with it, it has taken much blows and counts to save its princess, and i know it will do so to the best that it could in the days to come.
And where sweetie is, the road is always fine and smooth, and it is always warm and sunny.
I am so happy to be cuddled up by sweetie again.
I am so glad to be home.
The inner world will always control the outer world.
The inner world will always control the outer world. Don’t be afraid of
storms around you. It’s the storms inside you that can destroy you. The
stress. The tension. The worry.
(God Whispers Club)
storms around you. It’s the storms inside you that can destroy you. The
stress. The tension. The worry.
(God Whispers Club)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
HAPPY VALENTINES!
I'd like to give you a pocket full of love today.
And a basket filled with the following:
>A shadow cast by a guardian angel.
>The memory of the laugh that comes after a hiccup.
>The end of a small rainbow.
>A map a raven made when it flew across the sky.
>The answer to the question of Who knows where the time goes?
>The sweet smell of success.
>The sound of summer rain on a tin roof.
>Three wishes.
>The morning after.
>The day before.
>The time being.
>The time to come.
>Lady Luck’s cell phone number.
>The abiding affection of an old friend named Lois
>And the Greek wish for ‘Chronya Pollah’ - many years.
(excerpt from Robert Fulghum's article)
HAPPY VALENTINES!
And a basket filled with the following:
>A shadow cast by a guardian angel.
>The memory of the laugh that comes after a hiccup.
>The end of a small rainbow.
>A map a raven made when it flew across the sky.
>The answer to the question of Who knows where the time goes?
>The sweet smell of success.
>The sound of summer rain on a tin roof.
>Three wishes.
>The morning after.
>The day before.
>The time being.
>The time to come.
>Lady Luck’s cell phone number.
>The abiding affection of an old friend named Lois
>And the Greek wish for ‘Chronya Pollah’ - many years.
(excerpt from Robert Fulghum's article)
HAPPY VALENTINES!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
GGGgggrrrr
The car incident has been causing me too much trouble. I have to arrange things on my own as i maximize my available resources and network.
Will somebody please help the princess?
Will somebody please help the princess?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
BANGGAAN
eto ang mga butihin kong kaibigan na hindi ako iniwan hanggang sa presinto ^_^
Napapagod na ako sa pakikipagtalo. Sa pakikipag-usap. Sa sistema. Ang pulis na ang tagal dumating tapos walang dalang kamera, walang dalang flashlight. Ang mga taong nakikiusyoso at parang husgadong nagsasabi kung sino ang tama at mali. Ang istasyon ng pulis na walang photocopier para sa rehistro ng mga sasakyan at lisensya sa pagmamaneho. Ang nakabanggang ayaw umamin sa kasalanan. Ang mga miron na matatapang. Nakakasawa na.
Ang hindi lang nagsasawa, yung nasa taas na walang sawang sinasagip ako sa gitna ng mga pangyayaring ganito. Yung pilit na nagliligtas sa kin. Yung patuloy na gumagabay sa kin. Para saan nga ba at maluluma ang lahat ng bagay, kakalawangin ang mga bakal, kukupas ang pintura, mauubos ang pera, pero hindi kailanman maiibalik ang buhay na nawala na.
Salamat sa Diyos at ligtas ako palagi :)
Ang hindi lang nagsasawa, yung nasa taas na walang sawang sinasagip ako sa gitna ng mga pangyayaring ganito. Yung pilit na nagliligtas sa kin. Yung patuloy na gumagabay sa kin. Para saan nga ba at maluluma ang lahat ng bagay, kakalawangin ang mga bakal, kukupas ang pintura, mauubos ang pera, pero hindi kailanman maiibalik ang buhay na nawala na.
Salamat sa Diyos at ligtas ako palagi :)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
death
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I love you the way certain dark things are loved
I do not love you as if you were a rose made of salt or topaz
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
-Pablo Neruda
and i'll always love you for who you are :)
or an arrow of carnations spreading fire:
I love you the way certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
-Pablo Neruda
and i'll always love you for who you are :)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Bad Liar
I'm a bad liar. Yna can still read the disappointments in my face amidst my silence.
I got two rejection mails today = I got two blessings for today.
I must never give up on life even if it hasn't been fair. (Thanks Marg for the reminder) .
:)
I got two rejection mails today = I got two blessings for today.
I must never give up on life even if it hasn't been fair. (Thanks Marg for the reminder) .
:)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
have i eluded the proverbial pain of his absence?
I ransacked the archives in my messenger to facilitate my longingness, missing someone so dearly after almost half a year of non-existence. From the dead calm of the night rose a metamorphosed princess, entangling herself all the more in the most profound and vivid memories imbued with greater intensity.
Let me miss you this much again and again and again...
The sweet remembrances and good feelings which had been sanded and polished by time, memory and maturity, shall always bring lightness to my spirit. The petty, funny memories have their own ways of bringing to the fore stories and anecdotes of our shared past.
And again, my heart tumbled with a love that i cannot explain.
My relative isolation from him feeds my desire to hold him close to me immediately even more.
Then there's magical abundance amidst him not being around.. or him disappearing from the known.
And I have eluded the proverbial pain of his absence.
Let me miss you this much again and again and again...
The sweet remembrances and good feelings which had been sanded and polished by time, memory and maturity, shall always bring lightness to my spirit. The petty, funny memories have their own ways of bringing to the fore stories and anecdotes of our shared past.
And again, my heart tumbled with a love that i cannot explain.
My relative isolation from him feeds my desire to hold him close to me immediately even more.
Then there's magical abundance amidst him not being around.. or him disappearing from the known.
And I have eluded the proverbial pain of his absence.
wink
Wasn't able to clocked out at four yesterday. I worked for another extended hour, with the pounding and drilling inside my head getting more sinisterly at the passing of time.
I could learn to stay still and endure a bit more of the aches while earning more for the manna but i decided to just bring myself home and nail a grand rest i believe i so need. Back home, amidst the aches of my head, i could feel that my room is the nicest place in the world, a fine respite for me, and whatever woes of the day i brought with have been put on perspective. There's no place like home.
As i am momentarily free from the cares of the outside world, i took a good rest lying comfortably in my bed, sheets rolled up, and Narnia 3 on screen.
*wink*
I could learn to stay still and endure a bit more of the aches while earning more for the manna but i decided to just bring myself home and nail a grand rest i believe i so need. Back home, amidst the aches of my head, i could feel that my room is the nicest place in the world, a fine respite for me, and whatever woes of the day i brought with have been put on perspective. There's no place like home.
As i am momentarily free from the cares of the outside world, i took a good rest lying comfortably in my bed, sheets rolled up, and Narnia 3 on screen.
*wink*
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