morning mumbles

And how long shall this fever last? :)) Maybe it's just the healing magic of hugs and kisses that i really need. That's crap. hahaha. :inmydreams: Goodmorning! Not a bright one for me today though. I seem to be having extended yearnings for things to happen in my life. Yesterday was indeed a disaster, I was pronounced dead by JH. (figuratively) Anyhow, i managed to make it through this morning, amidst the physical discomfort of having on-off fever the past few days. I think it is getting worse for each marijuana minute of having to spend a labor mandated 8 hours here at work. Worst of all, another 4 hours of overtime is adding insult to injury. I'm gonna die next week!!! =))

The moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to - Carl Sandburg

May 19, 2010

The moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to - Carl Sandburg

It's a lonesome night.
Thank you moon.
sigh.

shoot

shooting the moon instead of herself. save me.

HOLLERS

*HOLLERS*

waddat?

The stomach knows no hunger when the soul is lost.

Ano ung breakfast and lunch?

DISCRIMINATION

i am discriminated

How do i get back to square one?

Yeah right. I wished something different would happen today. And as early as 10am, something really did.

I failed.

This is how the world works.

Sometimes, i refuse to process the ways of the world. I refused being refused, being discriminated. I go against the river flow, only to find myself being carried away by the current.

And i slumped to the biggest boulder.

I am now mutilated.

How do i get back to square one?

:'(

180 moons

Cheers to 180 moons that accompanied me every night :)

:'(

:'(

:'(


:'(


:'(


:'(

maybe

It's a 12-hour work today. Same as yesterday. Whew. I'm sick as hell and work doesn't mind at all. But I'm good. Maybe. At least i have to brainwash myself that i am.

Tomorrow is special. I'll pay all the hard labor today and yesterday with a cup of hot french vanilla, a 2-pc chicken joy meal, maybe plus an additional 2-pc burger steak. If none can feed my lonesome heart with the love it deserves, maybe it would be just right to stuff my stomach eh? hahaha. I'll know no diet tomorrow!

And will know no pain as well. Maybe i should at least try.

Maybe.

Sleep-deprived

Sleep-deprived.
I am.
The sheets got tied in knots as i toss and turn.
Fever.
Headache.
Work.
Debilitated.
Depressed.
I am.

and

and i am sick and tired of being sick.
seriously...
i got a fever.
and i got Lois to take good care of Lois.
and I wish I have my mom beside me :'(
and there is no paracetamol around
and I'm too weak to buy outside.
and i sit here in front of the pc
and blurt out my feelings to my blog
and wonder if i can still make it through the end of the month
and i cry a bit.

and i wish you were here.

:'(

OTANJOUBI DESU NE

Could be my last, so i'm listing out the things that i'd love to experience on my otanjoubi:

1. See a beautiful sunrise

2. Roadtrip. Maybe a day before or a day after. Spend a day with my car. I will miss it very badly. If it could only be my deathbed. Pede din. hahaha.

3. Attend mass/ Go to church.

4. Self-portrait. Never had any using my own D40 baby, at least a decent and a serious one :D

5. Buy myself a bouquet of roses.

6. Munch on a BIG bar of black chocolate.

7. Write a poem on survival.

8. Tequila Rose!!! haha. A better alternative to the messy Sik, Sak, Sok =))

9. Buy a new book >:) Target: That boxed set of Dig Photog by Scott Kelby. Damn. I so want it. Bookworm for life >:)

10. Moon Shot: Last Quarter.



Will be working on a new set or either a revision of this set.

FRUSTRATIONS

It's a very frustrating day for me :(

I am not feeling well today. I'm physically sick and exhausted :(

I texted Sir Norman of JH and received no reply. Maybe it's a NO :(

I wasn't able to track the package of my dad. There is no tracking number on the receipt. The agency here in the Philippines doesn't know how to track with the empty tracking number, the name of my sister as consignee is nowhere to be found also on their database :(

I attended a meeting against my very own will. The extra job sucks big time, the Club is in itself a parasite upon which bright and genius committee members fall prey :(

Our President disapproved of our proposed companies for the Local Plant Visit Activity.
And i have none to report tomorrow at the Board of Directors' Meeting :(

Maybe I wouldn't get paid for overtime. Late cut-off time submission. Gratuity pay underway :(

I wonder what's in-store for me tomorrow :(

Care for a cup of frappucino? My treat. I still got my May SBUX Planner coupon. (Good 'till the 30th)

VIRUS

I think a virus is currently under way on ravaging my physical self. I just got back from a meeting outside the company and there seemed to be a lot of energy loss with my weakening self. I can already feel the heat brimming in my eyes, inflamed throat, intermittent sneezing, and slight temperature rise.

I am not feeling well.

I still got an hour to kill here at work and the load doesn't seem to ease a bit. I wish i could blame the weather, the aircon units, the work environment, but i only got myself to blame.

Too much thinking (and brooding) can also take toll on the physical self lois. Lack of sleep is also a thing to consider. Maybe i just got too exhausted for helping out with the chores back home. Maybe I'm really getting weaker each day, weak enough for my remaining days.

Or maybe I'm getting sick waiting for him. nah. [that's too much brooding again]

Two more weeks before my scheduled expiration date.

Gosh. I'm teary-eyed.

drag

I didn't sleep well last night :( More's the pity, i was on my rock-bottom, but i just couldn't let any tear escape my very eyes. Sadly, i am shorn of my strength. The crescent moon sighting hours before i curled myself in bed that has amplified in me a passion i have long been nursing has turned me into a smash right before i desperately and pleadingly hurried to the doorway of dreamland.

I wasn't even successful.

I was shoved outside. Let alone those fragments of pain etch a very deep wound in my soul. I realized how hurt i am, no amount of sleep could hasten the pain that was menacingly torturing the inside of me. How long shall this pain reside in me? Will it be long enough till the cows home come? Does he ever wanna know how painful things are for me?

Since no welcome was for me to dreamland, i got out of bed and decided to spot the fairly illuminated pie in the sky. The moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to, says Carl Sandburg. Maybe the moon tonight is lonesome too, and venus had sensed it all to well, as it reached the moon in the closest proximity it could.

All to no avail, i couldn't find the moon. Nor the closest star.

And i was left alone to myself, the lonesome me. It was then that i felt a tear escaping from my right eye, finding its own way downward, back to earth. I am deeply hurt. I pleaded for God to make me numb to all of this, so i could doze myself off to bed, even just for this night. I prayed harder, and wished for better things.

And i prayed to keep him safe always. As i always do. As i will always do.

HILAL

Hilal (Arabic: هلال‎) is an Arabic term, meaning crescent moon, first developed in pre-IslamicArabia. The very slight crescent moon that is first visible after a new moon. Muslims look for the hilal when determining the beginning and end of Islamic months, but they don't worship it. The Quran says: "And from among His Signs are the night and the day, and the sun and the moon. Prostrate not to the sun nor to the moon, but prostrate to Allah Who created them, if you (really) worship Him." (41:37). The need to determine the precise appearance of the hilal was one of the inducements for Muslim scholars to study astronomy.

(from wikipedia)

false hope

i waited

:'(

PINKY TRUCK

tough truck on pink: amuses me on a friday morning.
051410

i love pink