Friday, June 24, 2011

Things just can't go back the way it used to be.

Things just can't go back the way it used to be.

It's a real damn fact that i just have to live with from this day. I was in deep emotional trouble yesterday with the rain pourin' harder while nursing my thoughts about friendship that is slowly trickling down the drain. The more i try to save the friendship, the more i try to hurt myself. I just have to accept the fact that at some point in my life, i need to let go of something that isn't meant to coexist with me. I remember one time we were just enjoying our togetherness when i told him to slow down a bit, because i might get used to being with him and parting when the time comes would surely hurt me as hell. He just smiled and told me that i could cry a hell lot for his loss and i would never see him again, enough to forget that he, at one point in my life, coexisted with mine. That's the worst for me to bear, but i know my friend's a real crap and shitty, and i love him for being like that.

Little by little, the gap that has been expanding between us had me rethinking about the bond. I know we have been tested by time and tragedy, of hurt and loss, of sorrow and pain. Likewise, we have been forged by proximity, of feelings and aches, of passion, culture, and everything that we have shared under the roof of our friendship. I love him in spite of all the hell in his personality. I care for him as i would for a sibling. I love him with all his foul odors, split personality, damned attitude, crappy antics, all the shit in him. I love him for taking care of me at one point in his life, as we stood back to back, hand in hand in the journey of our both miserable lives. I love the asshole in him, just as he loves the eccentricity in me, or so i thought.

The downside of being too close to a friend is that you get hurt twice or thrice the pain of having your very own heartache from ending a relationship with a romantic partner. It sucks when you feel you are no longer valued or given importance by someone you have treasured so much., someone you have taken care of as great friendships do. When i felt downgraded in his priority list, i am just one silly poor turtle wanting to be swept by the tides of hell. Poor princess lois.

I just wish things could still go back the way they used to be. I just wish they would. I just wish they could. If only.