God hears my sighs and cries

Am at work now and the day seems to be a bit brighter than yesterday. I never imagined i still would be able to feel and experience the bright rays of the sun straining my very own puffy eyes.

I was praying hard last night, (apart from crying harder). I know God hears my sighs and cries. I asked for repentance for all the hurts i have caused others. I thanked Him for continually showering me with the wonders of goodness and random acts of kindness from others. My life, i owe it to Him.

The night had wound down in between my sighs and cries. Felt better when the morning came. Where else would i be without him.

God hears my prayers.

I HATE MYSELF I WANT TO DIE

Masochism

I'm feelin' very low today. I didn't sleep the whole night. Haven't had dinner last night and breakfast this morning. I still can't force myself to have a bite this lunch. Feels like i still could go on till tomorrow without anything in my stomach.

Masochism.

I had my worst last night. Aside from getting shut from my very world, i entered another world of frustrations and pain. It was as if to inflict more pain to the shattered me.

Masochism. Masochism.

I had an encounter with my worst enemy, my sickness. Funny thing, my worst enemy is my everyday companion. Doesn't ever leave me even if i hell wish it would. I have been avoiding anything about it since we painted our world red. The cheers and jeers of our everyday ragged lives had me almost forgot the cross that i am bearing.

Though at most times, this ailment had bridge souls from across deserts and oceans and anywhere around the globe, and with that, i know what it feels to be the happiest girl on earth.

Admittedly, i knew where i am going... all to the shallow tunnel of heartaches, disappointments and frustrations.

While immersing myself to the same struggles of those who have the same fate as mine, i couldn't help but think of ending my life in an instant. My tears welled up upon being stricken by those who says that being on medication is almost a life imprisonment because there's no other way escaping around. The moment i stop my meds is the moment i am doomed for a more serious state. Finding my salary too paltry to lead this kind of life, i really don't know where this would lead me. I looked through my headboard and found the remaining tablets... Four more days and i'm dead.

Welcome aboard.

But why would i wait until the 4th day to welcome death?

I promise myself that death wouldn't catch me until i had all my goals completed, some of which are:

> to spend a simple but memorable vacation with the tarantula.
> to attend a photography class.
> to read ALL my books
> to splurge on a pail of Haagen-dazs
> to learn more and get well-versed on 3D modelling
> to pursue the tshirt printing business with my very dear business partner
> to perform well with card magics
> etc etc etc

I have gazillion of things-to-do running in my mind and so i realized that God must have read all these things so He keeps on prolonging my life even if i am damn asking Him every night to take it away.

A world has been shut.

A world has been shut.

Sleep never had the chance to thrust itself in the realms of my suffering. I closed my eyes wanting to rest my shattered being but i could only feel fear and pain.

Extreme pain.

It's my fault

OK.
It's my fault.
Those little devils inside me that keep those negative thoughts in extreme frenzy.

My sincerest apologies.

I know i'm crap.
Then please don't be one also.
Coz you aren't.

You are great.
Have always been great.
Will always be great.

...

MY FRIENDS ARE BACK

Never shall i travel alone again.

PILL TRIP

Who says my med's a drag?

Haha.

I've sheared it creatively last night.

Cheers to my happy and hopeful side!

in the sky of infinity

In The Sky Of Infinity

by Sri Chinmoy
from: Supreme, Teach me how to cry Bengali Songbook

O bird, you fly in the sky of Infinity.
Tell me, is flying your only game?
Tell me, how do you fly in the infinite blue welkin?
My soulful eyes look at you with all admiration.
My heart pines to fly like you.
O bird, you fly in the sky of Infinity.

******

Snapped a shot of these birds in front of Ronnie and Malyn's home


613pm


633pm

YASHICA GSN ELECTRO 35

I finally found our very own first SLR:
YASHICA GSN ELECTRO 35

**********
http://www.kenrockwell.com/yashica/electro-35.htm

The Yashica Electro 35 was one of the most popular consumer 35mm cameras of the 1960s and 1970s.

The Yashica Electro 35 was very advanced, being electronic, when it came out in 1966. It was made though 1977, and sold at close-out until stocks ran out about 1980. Please note the space-age atomic symbol on the front. The Yashica Electro is the Apollo of Japanese consumer 35mm cameras. (Of course I'm kidding; Japanese cameras have nothing to do with the Apollo program. The official cameras are Hasselblad and Zeiss, while the Kodak Instamatic 104 was the official camera of the American people of that era.)

The Yashica Electro 35 is a solid metal camera. It has a big, clear viewfinder and rangefinder. It has a much clearer finder than the Nikon manual rangefinders of the 1950s that fetch astronomical prices from geriatric collectors.

The Yashica Electro 35 was designed for consumers, but the great news for serious photographers is that the advanced features it had in 1966 are just what we need, and it doesn't have any of today's junk features that just get in the way.

The Yashica Electro 35 is an aperture-priority camera. Pick your aperture, and the Yashica Electro 35 selects the shutter speed, from 1/500 up to thirty seconds or more!

It has a silent electronic leaf shutter. It's quieter and and has less vibration than any of the clumsier focal-plane shutters of Leica and Nikon rangefinders, and no flipping mirrors like every DSLR.

The only gotchas are that the Electro 35 has no auto-exposure lock and it's an almost all-auto camera. It only has three manual shutter speeds, and that's stretching it. It is designed for a no-longer available mercury battery, however modern alkaline replacements work fine.

This Yashica a solid metal camera. It is a joy to carry around compared to my hulking Nikon D3, but still has to be carried over-the-shoulder.

The Electro 35 has always been inexpensive. In 1977 they sold new for $100, which is $350 corrected for inflation in 2008. In 2008, they sell used for $5 to $20 at garage sales. A dealer will ask more.

It's solid and well-made, but not as precise or as fine as a Leica, or even as nice as the less-useful Nikon rangefinders of the 1950s.

Since you're not looking through the lens, these cameras are especially useful for black-and-white and infra-red photography. This is because even with a dark filter on the lens, the finder remains clear.

Lens: 45mm f/1.7. It's identical to an SLR lens. Yashica brands it as YASHINON. "COLOR-YASHINON" was added in 1968 for marketing, since color film was just starting to become barely affordable to amateurs. It's the same lens. "COLOR" was a buzzword of the day as "Digital" is today. Think this is silly? How many of you pay extra for "Digital" filters?

Optics: 6 elements in 4 groups, just like almost every SLR lens. Single-coated in amber.

Diaphragm: 5 blades stopping down to f/16.

Filter Thread: 55mm. (Optional 57mm slip-on hood.)

Close Focus: 2.6 feet (0.8m)

Finder: Always-bright framelines lit through a separate window. Auto corrects for parallax.

Meter: CdS cell above lens, not TTL. You must compensate filters by setting the ASA dial accordingly. Red OVER light means you're at 1/500 second or more. Yellow SLOW light means you're at 1/30 or slower; hold still or use a tripod.

ASA Range (ISO): 1966-1973: 12~500. 1973-1977: 25~1,000.

Shutter: 1/500 - about 30 seconds. Stepless electronic leaf shutter. The slowest speed will vary with aperture: it can go longer than a minute at smaller apertures but only 3 seconds at f/1.7.

Maximum Speed with Flash (sync): 1/500. X-sync at all speeds, better than SLRs.

Power: One PX32, E164, V164PX, TR 164, HM-4N, 4NR52 or 1404M 5.6 Volt mercury battery. Works with today's alkaline replacements. My Electro 35 has a 4LR52, EN164A, A32, PC164, TR164A, 1404A alkaline in it. These are made with four stacked LR52 or 640A-P cells in series.

The specifications for today's alkaline battery are 335 mAH, 25.5g, 17.1mm diameter, 44.9mm height.

You can use a more common, smaller (170 mAH lithium, 150 mAh alkaline) PX28 if you jam in an extra spring and wrap the smaller battery in something to keep it centered in the Electro 35's larger battery hole.

The correct PX32 costs only $9.99 and lasts twice as long as the wrong $8 PX28 that doesn't fit without a kludge, so order two PX32s and keep the spare handy so you won't have to pay $15 for a PX28 at retail if your battery dies.

Battery Check Light: Yes, also illuminates frame counter and can work as a small flashlight!

Current Drain: 60mA while shutter is pressed and lights are lit or shutter is open. Less than 0.1 uA when idle.

Size: 6 x 3-5/8 x 3 " (152 x 92 x 76mm) WHD, measured, including protrusions, excluding cap or case.

Weight: My Electro 35 GSN, made in Hong Kong, measures 25.692 oz (728.4 g) with full-size alkaline battery, but no case, filters, caps or strap. Yashica specifies 26.4 oz (750 G) without battery, which is heavier than mine.

Made in: Japan, or later, Hong Kong. The lenses always say "Lens Made in Japan" even if the camera is made in Hong Kong. Hong Kong is discretely stamped on the bottom.

TAMING THE THOUGHTS OF TROUBLE

Ok.

I needed to be sure what really happened last Saturday afternoon. Although me and my car were safely home the very same day it suddenly went off, (was it the same day or the next morning?haha) the trouble seemed to float around in my head. Looking for other particles of thought to put a halt to this thinking, i decided to bring the car to Mang Crispin the mechanic to run a check for other possible causes of trouble. So here's what he found out:

1. Ignition rotor is broken.



>>>> REPLACED

2. Fuel Filter needs to be replaced



>>> REPLACED

3. Front left wheel is out of concentricity.

>>> Wheel rotation. Front wheels to the rear and vice-versa.

-- FOR TEST DRIVE --

FIRST TIME: DEAD ENGINE AT SLEX

Trouble does not travel in singularities.

When my scarred, dented and fuel-sucking corolla 92 clawed its way to Alabang one
Saturday afternoon, i thought it to be just another weekend of feel-good moments with my everdearest friends. We were off to barge in a horde of autobots and decepticons masquerading as humans all lined-up up for the Transformers 2 (Revenge of the Fallen) movie tickets.

My car always seem to have a slight nervous breakdown as i suspect an alien residing inside the monster. The alien forces inside are enough to tick the idiot trouble signals at the instrument panel. I've been accustomed to this on and off red light at the panel as i always blurt it out to a low idle rpm. The light usually goes off at the slightest engine rev, characterized by a growling sound from my muffler.


So clawing my way to intermittent traffic along SLEX, i didn't mind the flashing idiot light at my panel.

Accelerate.. stop.. red light on.. accelerate.. red light off..stop .. Accelerate.. stop.. red light on.. accelerate.. red light off..stop.. Until everything suddenly came to a halt.

The engine was dead.

Stepping on the brake pedal, I turned the key off the ignition. turned on the hazard lights.. pulled up the handbreak lever.. double-checked the stick-shift to neutral, and turned on the key iginition. The engine choked up, but i could sense any signs for the countinuous life of the engine. I turned on the key to ignition again while pumping the fuel, but to my utter dismay (and also to those at the vehicles at my back), the engine didn't come to life. I was sweating heavily, but told myself not to panic because there's nothing i could do. I was thinking of getting towed if the engine wouldn't really kick off but the Ninoy peso-bill in my wallet wouldn't even be enough to pay for the service.

My officemate Mike passed through me at the right side of the lane. Realizing it was me, (yep, it was really your kumare.hehe) he immediately called up to check what happened. "Na-overheat ba? May kuryente ba? Merong gas? Meron oil?.. and the question and answer went off for quite a minute until he said he can't pull off because he was also in the inner lane. While he was advising me of calling the PNCC for a tow service to which the contact numbers are stored inside his low-batt phone, three bleeps immediately sounded out and he went off. Empty batt.

I was sweating to death because it was the first time my car stood me off. Not that i am blaming the monster, of course, i am the owner, the controller, the driver and everything that should be in total control. I have forged a good relationship with my car and for as long as i can remember, i have taken the utmost care and concern for my everyday road companion. SO i have resolved, at that urgent moment, to blame the aliens who have clandestinely settled their troops inside my sweetie.

As minutes passed, another vehicle of acquaintance chanced to spot my vehicle bolted on the ground, flashing its yellow hazard lights. The Makati service van found its way to be still in front of my vehicle, and Jeff, the driver, got off to extend any help he could. At that moment, the engine seemed to have waken up from a slumber, and as i turned on the ignition key, it seemed to be tickled a bit. I gave way to Jeff at the driver's seat, he revved the engine back to life, revved harder and harder, reassuring the mechanism had commenced good enough for me to reach my destination.

The wheels rolled and the monster made its own way to Filinvest exit. I was driving with extreme nervousness as the idiot lights are again flashing on and off. I was crawling my way to the nearest mechanic i could get, and chanced upon the Total Gas Station at the West Gate. Stopped there and asked a gasoline boy for an available mechanic, who immediately responded as i parked in front of the service area.

I know i could have turn the knob to increase my idle rpm. But to let an automotive mechanic do it for me would shove away the nervousness i had. As i opened the hood and say hello to the engine, the mechanic laid his hands on my idle control knob. Too bad for me to support the nation of aliens inside. Tsk tsk.

The engine ran smoothly as i got off from the Gas station. (Of course, i paid the mechanic not only for doing something i could have done in less time, but also for springing some confidence that my engine would run smoothly and i could go home with no hazard. Thought i should have consulted a mental therapist also huh.)

I was able to reach ATC with no engine hazards in less than 5 minutes but got my car parked after 3 quarters of an hour. The autobots and decepticons had all the parking fully occupied.

Anyways, here are some things that i learned from the experience:
1. Store that f%$!^%#!#*! PNCC number in your phonebook. You'll never know when it'll come handy.
2. Don't travel empty-headed. I mean empty-handed. (Ehe :D) At least fill your pockets enough for the towing service just in case.
3. The idiot lights are there for their own reasons.
4. Trust yourself. If you know what to do just in case the engine goes off, just do it. For all you know, you may be .. well .. right. If you bang it off, it's your car anyway.
5. Relax. Never mind sweating to death. At least you're not in panic.

Mike called up again to check on my situation. He said he was the one in panic for me. He went his way to Filinvest exit instead of Sucat looking for some kind of help for me. So nice of you my kumpare.

Again, thanks a bunch Mike and Jeff.

And the aliens?

Oh, prepare your troops. I'll wipe your clan in no less time.

*big evil laugh*

BWAHAHAHAHA

if someone you loved disappeared from your life

I dunno when and where my dear sister friend Jellie gave me this note, but for the most years, (more or less a decade), it was posted on the right side wall of my bookshelf.

I know the answer to this very well. She knows too.

Miss you sis.

AFC LABOR DISPUTE

Whew.

What a week.

We've been on the verge of a labor dispute here in our company. With the impending strike mobilization, we all here are left hanging as to how we would be able to carry out the situation. For almost half a year, we've been fed by bitter complaints and recriminations between the rank and file union and the admin.

Videos of their mobilization had also been uploaded to the You Tube which stoked the fire of wrath of the admin. Hehe. Really, it's getting a bit scary day by day, as hundreds of security guards flock the ANI Road.. To date, there are 150 :D

Tension of opposites.

The admin gets more strict with the implementation of the rules and regulations and work procedures. The union members get hard-headed and refuse to work accordingly as each day passes.

Both sides waiting for the labor decision.

And while they are both waiting for each other to pounce on every opportunity, we are all left with the tremors and frights that at one point in time, we will get caught halfway between the two opposing camps.

And how hard could it be being locked-up inside the company for days? Or how difficult could it get inside with the Union's organized protest in the entrance gate itself?

So much worries here by now.

Hearsays, anytime from Saturday night till Monday at dawn, they would fire a strike. So by Monday, we all have to get ourselves ready for whatever situation would head start our week. Whew.

Back in my college days, I used to be very proactive in scrutinizing any management that are responsible for the mobilization of any union labor group. I was a very principled writer back then, and i always feel for those hungered workers that are being deprived of their rights. I joined rallies and cooperated with different labor groups as we share our common belief that there exist tyranny in our country, as reflected in the way our labor sectors run. But back then, i knew very little about labor, as my expenses were being subsidized by my uncle and father.

Now that i am employed, i do have at least a fraction of knowledge about labor laws added to my existing database. A union member myself, (we were all left with no choice as to join the staff/supervisory union or stand independent to the management) i have at least knew and experienced the advantages of being a member. But to say all unions have parallel way of thinking is a fallacy. Because we also act and think for logical ways where both sides could mutually benefit the existence of each other. We need work, they need staff, so we work hand-in-hand (if not most of the times agreeing to each others demands).

But then maybe, since i haven't got any idea what's going on with the minds of our rank and file union, they all deserve to exercise their rights. Since the labor dispute has been with the DOLE, let's just hope that should a rampage arise, all employees should be in the safest situation possible.

Oh God please help us.

PBA094p37prr

CERTIFIED COFFEE ADDICT

capacity: 16 fl oz / 473ml
effect: super hyper ultra electro active coffee addict

062209
Kimi and Kers got themselves their own starbucks tumbler while buying one for Eliwood. Hahaha. Mga impulsives! Adik na adik sa kape.

1. Ang takip ay hindi pwede itakip sa kaldero.
2. Mag ingat kapag mainit ang ilalagay Para mas maganda, ilayo ang mga bata.
3. Linisin ng nakabukas. Hugasan pagkasabon.
4. Siguruhin ang takip bagi inuman.
5. :nosebleed:
6. Huwag i-microwave. Hugasan ng kamay. Huwag patigasin.
7. Huwag lagyan ng sobra. Hindi ito lalagyan ng pepsi / coke.
8.Kung tumagas, pasensya. Nagkakamali din. Tao lamang. paumanhin. Sorry.

WHITE FLOWERS

LOVELY DAY

June 21, 2009

SWEET MORNING

from Mr. Fukaya. 061909.

delicious!

The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence

WANTED: ENGINEERS
LOCATION: MIDDLE EAST
GENDER: MALE

Why do the Arab countries only hire MALE ENGINEERS? Why do these gender-biased region limits the potential of social, political and economic growth with their negative impact on women's opportunities for economic advancement?

The scant employment opportunities for women have long stemmed from the patriarchal interpretations of the religious rulings and ideological concept of Islam that women should remain "jural minors" with their roles as wives, daughters, and mothers. The autonomous public life for a woman was outside the norm and was often perceived as a threat to their family's honor and reputation. Hmmmnnn... guys.. does this sound scary?

Well.. arguably, the girl power have come out in the open and the gender imbalance had been addressed, if not reduced. Though not in the Arab regions, increased rates of literacy and employment have changed attitudes and perceptions toward women. Society has moved toward egalitarian ideas and the reconstruction of modern life.

***********

Actually, it just really piss me off that most of my job listings in Jobstreet have always been like this.

I wish they had a gender filter or something, so i wouldn't get a face overran by dismay having received those job offers that require MALE engineers. But tell you, i could act and look just as they wished, a male engineer, just promise not to peek under those undies so as to see the real gender. haha.

Ooooppss... i know what runs in your cranky head

Don't blame me for insisting to thrive in this male-dominated world of mechanical engineering. My profession, i wear it proudly like a medal, but humbly like a reminder. Enough said.

But then again again again, who says the grass is greener in the Arab countries?

Definitely not Robert Fulghum.

"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."
oRobert Fulghum . It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It (1988)


Hehe. Ala lang. Just ranting and raving.

stuck in a bog

Sometimes i do believe in my capacity to make an astonishing mountain out of a molehill. haha. Or could it be the other way around? A molehill out of a mountain?

It depends on how you see me as a person.. as your friend.. as your.. special someone

Well, to tell you honestly, i do get cranky at the slightest provocations. Sometimes. If not most of the times. As if i always get myself stuck in a bog, as if premature senility had consumed the better of me. Uurrghhh. I do often suppressed an expletive before i groaned. hehe.

Well, the thing is, i sometimes can't understand the way things are goin' beyond my control. Or rather, i do not want to understand things as they are.

Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
- Pablo Neruda