Always in a limbo

April seems to pass by so quickly and i am barely six nights away from my favorite month of all months.

Haven't had any plans yet on how to get through this, as this would come in sheer anticipation and vague refusal in equal measure. The coming of my natal day marks my greatest existence that i almost lost about a decade ago, when i found out that i have to live with a malady for the rest of my life.  The coexistence has costs me a life that i wouldn't want my love ones to experience. I have journeyed to the deep-seated corners of despair and have braved the storms to feel even just a tiny speck of sunshine. And i am always reminded of this when a number is to be added to the years of my existence.

Always in a limbo.

enchanting morning

There's so much about life that i don't understand. Most of the times, the simplest things are the most difficult to comprehend. Foremost, the difficult things are those that seep through the bottom and prick where the flesh is fresh and exposed.

To counter the feeling of confusion and uneasiness, i just enjoy every single moment that flicks in the theater of my life. No matter how hard it is to comprehend, it's the feeling of having something to comprehend that delights me the most. Life is not life if there's no mystery involved.

The greatest mystery is that there's not enough room to contain His love for us despite of all the life's hardest questions that we pose to Him. Despite of all the hardships and challenges that we face, we still wake up to beautiful mornings and that alone is the greatest of all the greatest mysteries to name.

It's indeed an enchanting morning.

WELCOME KRANSKY!

Crumpler Kransky. 

Welcome to my heart.

 

http://www.crumpler.com/catalogue/Travel-Bags/Duffel-Bags/Kransky.html

You want freedom, not limitations. Continuous cargo space, not contiguous compartments. To carry a load, not carry on about how to load it. Welcome then to the 100% pure lo fi simplicity of The Old Banger and Kransky duffle bags – population you.

Right-sized for sports of all sorts, the gym, pool, beach, one-nighters or anything involving a seven figure ransom in unmarked notes, these zippered hold-a-lots pack away 45 litres of stuff with seek and ye shall find convenience. They also feature a handy internal zippered utility pocket, plus an external zippered pocket with integrated key ring.

There goes the junkie in me.

If Only by Dave Matthews Band

"If Only"

Dave Matthews Band

Oh yeah
Some days it's so easy
Sometimes I forget how
Much I want you back again
Back again

Well maybe it's a game
You win some and you lose some
But when you've found a good one
Don't you let her get away
Don't let her go

Oh yeah
If only I could have you
Just the way I want you
Oh, to have you back again
Back again baby

Oh, I'm just a fool baby
Playing Mr. Cool baby
Rolling round like I got nothing much to lose
But I know you and you know me
And I know you can see
So help me find my way back to you
Back to you

Walking past your window
You used to smile and throw
Your sweet kisses back to me
Back to me

Oh yeah
Remember when I asked you
If you'd be my one true
It seems like yesterday
Just like yesterday

Oh yeah, and I'm just a fool baby
Playing Mr. Cool baby
Rolling round like I got nothing much to lose
But I know you and you know me
And I know you can see
So help me get my way back to you
Back to you

I want you so take me back please
Take me back my baby

If only I could have you
Just the way I want you
Yeah

I'm just a fool baby
Playing Mr. Cool baby
Rolling round like I got nothing much to lose babe
But I know you and you know me
And I know you can see
So help me get my way back to you

I want you so take me back please
Take me back my baby

If only I could have you
Just the way I want to
Just the way I was
Yeah

You get your heart broken with a slight hint of ignorance.

You get your heart broken with a slight hint of ignorance.

I know i always do. The broken heart thingy. I have been keeping this for myself, and last night was just too much. 

I cannot contain it. I know i could have blurted out what this pumping unit has been keeping all those silly times, but i just couldn't. It wouldn't be right. So for the nth time, i just have to keep it to myself and witness how it will all go down the drain, without anyone knowing it.

I will never have the courage to say what i really want to. My actions will always speak for me, and however and whatever it is interpreted, it will be my only contentment.

I will always care.

Kill Joy

It's so confusing at times to pinpoint what i am nursing between the two: the malady or my existence.

Most of the times, i am so blinded by the consequences of this malady that i missed out on the glitter of my existence. Obvious times when i would just wallow in the darkest corner and prohibit interaction with known species. Hibernation to non-existence. Fear of inflicting harm to others. Name it, i have all the reasons not to splurge on the gaiety life has to offer. Kill Joy.

slumber 2

I haven't been in touch for quite some time. Recently, I had this knack for mum-keeping, my heart and mind conniving to conceal the details of my human emotion, choosing pedestrian and triviality over pompous proclamations. Having been in a few mess myself, i decided to temporarily restrain the princess in me from getting stuck in a bog for longer periods of time.

So there goes my juices. Lurking beneath its deepest slumber.