090909

It was an unusual Wednesday morning on the 9th day of the 9th month of the year 2009. 090909. I woke up thinking of the hundred what-ifs that could have happened for the last 5000 hours of my life.

I was gasping for attention that i didn't get the chance to have for the last 24hours. Failure as it may seem, i don't know, but for me, it was a heroic act to swallow a humble slice of pride. To apologize for a thing that went against your plans. I did my best, but i guess my best wasn't good enough. Well, i failed. Doors aren't gonna open up for me i guess. I don't know.

What was i doing exactly a year ago? I grope for the memories i had in my mind. Ahh, i was teaching AutoCAD. September. Single. Carefree. Hopeful. I was busy with a lot of things. I was busy with work, busy with my class, even busier with my new but old car. Looking back, my life then was just a simple and fun-filled carefree living, with nothing much to worry than the grades of my students that i haven't recorded. I hold the time in my hands, doin' the things that i love the most, going out with the people i truly treasure. Life was also difficult back then, but i managed to breeze through the trials and pains and suffering.

I look at my life now exactly a year after. A lot has been changed. But not even better. Though i must admit that all those times went into something that has taken me into another dimension, a different world. My world. If only my world could coexist in my real world.

I am taking a step forward to my real world. I look back again at the decisions i have made in the past. I take a closer look and scrutinize the silly mind i had back then. Haha. Loisa, you're such a fool.

I am blessed to have at least overcome the suicidal attempts that had me on my darkest days. Man, i already lost my humor and sense. What had happened to me! Huhuhu. Too much talk, too much drama, Mark says. Haha. Ye right. Then, that too much is already over.

090909.

This is a brand new day. I am getting back on my feet. I know i can do it. One step at a time.

God bless me.


and you also.