LTO-ing

Stormed the LTO for a late car registration. My sweetie had been stuck for an era of laziness and busyness, the latter being a cover up for the previous one. Seriously, I lost the time for my auto maintenance, working 40kms apart from my den plus the toxicity of the metro travel had been very tedious. I would go home very late,and leave earlier than the rising of the sun. So I practically really do not have the luxury of time to check how my sweetie had been nursing its troubles. Oh poor baby.

So here I am, sitting next to the flock of men while patiently waiting for the licenses and registrations. The ratio of men and women processing their LTO thingy is about 1:10, that for every 10 men, there is 1 woman wishing for at least one courageous man to take over the hassle of processing government mandated papers. I know that's hasty generalization. Haha. But personally, I wish I didn't have to go here and sweat the boredom of idle hours. But heck, better to have the wealth of experience. (Such an excuse for the looser in me.lol)

Two hours had already passed and I am still the wasted princess seated at the back side of the waiting area. What the hell happened to my papers, I screamed at the back burners of my brain. I have packed a lot of patience before going here this morning, and I'm very afraid it is slowly depleting. Oh recharge me please with the calmness of the spirit.




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Sleepless

I would have instantly died of nervous breakdown this afternoon. It has been a very rough day, after knowing what my uncle has done that irked me the most, among the many misfortunes I have stumbled upon. I am crazy, because I do not know how to cushion the blow. It would have been better had I exploded into bits and pieces beyond recognition. Might have made my soul at peace with the numbness of the pain that has been perforating my heart. Insanity is an ally.

While my sister was asking me this,"Are we dumb to suffer like this?" I was all the while condemning myself to an eternity of torment. The thing that hurt me the most is the realization that at some point in time, people will fail you big time, loveones will transform to epic fail modern-day hero, and un-met expectations are bound to frustrate you. Things will go way out of whack no matter how you try to patch things up. Such a distress for the damsel in me.

I do not know how to pacify the anger that is brewing in full blast, but I do hope that the god of somnolence will usher me to dreamland. I am so full of stress and pain that render me sleepless in a lonely night like this.

Crazy me, stupid me.

Good morning.
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:(

I do not know where to start. I seem to have lost a lot of juices after everything that has happened.

back again

unlucky

The early bird catching the early worm doesn't always get all the luck. Like I was earlier way than the usual to catch an early commute to Manila, and right when we were in the rush at the Slex, my boss sent a message to the team that we can opt not to work today for everyone's safety. Talk about love of work :))

Well, I was thinking about these:

WORK

All night long

It rained hard all night. Praying for everyone's safety.

God bless us all.
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Wow

Wow. It's been rainin' harder than the usual. Now on it's 3rd week :))

I seem to feel the rain like the job and responsibilities that has been passed on to me today. Overwhelming. Heavy-duty. Gazillions.

More of like a practice I guess. It's stressful but more of a challenge. At one point in my life I wish I am a super heroine, but not sooooo soon as this one :)) I'm still in shock as of the moment, maybe it will take me a week to get the hang of it. Tell me how do I go around the full-blast showers of change orders, billings, evaluations, inspections, schedules, design revisions, installations, minutes of meetings, presentations, reports of mechanical, electrical, plumbing, fire protection and safety. Or how do I go around and muster enough courage and confidence to plunge in this bigger pond. First things first, I need a much needed rest to face tomorrow.

I think it's better for me to take advantage of the weather tonight and rest my weary heart and mind.

Cold night and all alone, the melancholy whispers a memory.

Goodnight happiness. 

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Blessed

Spent my Saturday and Sunday with my sisters :) It's a blessed weekend with them, along with my nephews, who have already stolen my heart the day they were born.

I think I have gotten over the dilemma of my central pumping unit. Quite possibly. I have been occupied with household duties that I no longer have the time to wallow in missing my happiness. That instead of going over and over why things seems to prick here and there, got myself busy weeding out the grasses in the backyard here and there. That instead of thinking how my life would have been different if I didn't do the things I did back then, I got myself into hoping that tomorrow would be entirely better because I will strive my very best for my happiness. Sometimes, busyness could put your life into a new perspective.

It's still raining, and the news says showers will continue till the end of the week,or even longer. I hope no one would be harmed, I'm praying for everyone's safety. Tomorrow is yet another challenge, with MEPFS on my shoulder at work, I ask the Lord almighty to give me enough strength and wisdom to overcome the challenges I am about to face.

May the Lord bless me and keep me.

Good night world.
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still raining

It's still raining.

I mean, it's frantically raining since last week. I just had the slightest peek of the sun in minutes, and then the heavens again wept. It's been muddy all over the place, civil works and site development had been put to intermittent halts that resulted to delays and lags in schedule. My trusty safety shoes which used to endure the test of strength in a metal forging environment wasn't able to withstand the force of nature, the searing heat of the great ball of fire and the copious weeping of the heavens. Quite the same, I've been feeling sh!++y for the last few days and i hell wish that this boredom shall eventually fade into oblivion. The curses of this solitude had bore a great weight on my shoulders, and if i am to act too slovenly i would eventually find myself stuck in that darkest corner again.

Unfortunately for me, i am still an awkward turtle wanting to pass this challenge of confidence. I am too slow and too feeble, too weak and too stupid, to overcome the howling banters of depression. It has been gnawing at my soul at the very slightest instance, like a memory of a celebrated relationship that easily went down the drain. Ignorance cannot always be tolerated, if not easily shooed away. There will always be times of remembering, and while you can always relish first the goodness in one's relationship, it will always draw you at the end to the pains and regrets of that treasured connection, the could-be and what-ifs, with all the perforations brought to your soul. It pays to be an ignorant sometimes, or try if I must, to save myself from the tremors of regression.

It's still raining.

And yes, no matter how i try to avoid those weather-induced sh!t$, it resurface in itself. Must be residing somehow as pent-up emotions waiting for the perfect opportunity to punch when the sun isn't around. I will have to endure the weather then, with all its delays, lags and inconveniences.

Forever still holds true

Visiting my yesterday. 
No one can ever bring me that smile and comfort.
Sometimes, i wish there's timelock button where i could linger for that timeframe longer than i could ever want.
The sweetest days of my life.
No goodbyes.

Forever still holds true.
I know.
I am.

Attacks

It's one of those.
I need a cup of coffee.
Might make me stronger enough to face the truth.
This.
Solitary.
Sick.

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concentrate

I'm bugged down by homegrown menaces that i find it harder to concentrate.

CONCENTRATE.

Aja!

Toxic is this day. I'm coping up with the transitions, which happened at the speed of light. Now I'm working my ass off to get things done to the best that i could, without ever loosing my sanity. (I hope i won't, seriously)

Kaya ko to! Aja!

princess' fetish

princess' fetish.

new companion on the go.

take me to happiness.

rain-induced boredom

Must be the weather. 

:)

Poor weather always has to shoulder the blame why sentiments pour as many and as hard as the raindrops on some nights like these.

Then there's the pillow. The stupid desire to transform a lifeless stuffed cushion to a hugging element. I bet you would run as fast as you can once you start feeling your pillow press itself onto your body, or slowly wrap itself around you voluntarily.

Don't forget the sheets. If you'd like a warm sheet in cold nights like these, why not try heating it over a flame, or insert it in the microwave. Because the sheets can't get any warmer in itself, not as much as you could.

That is why i am blurting out my two cents in this space, because i don't want the weather, the pillow, nor the sheets to highlight my total alienation amidst the hum  and buzz of efficient technology. I am bored because i am indeed, bored in itself, bored in the miniscule sense of having no one to talk to, no one to hug, and no one to keep me warm.. in rainy nights like this. Oh yes, the weather. *face palm*

The tendency to be more self-centered is greater to those who live by themselves alone. I am no exception, in fact, i am at the center stage. While my chaotic life is silenced by the walls and ceilings that could only hear but not talk, my quiet life stand in contrast to the squalor that has been around for quite a long time. 

There is none i can do to counter my own sentiments in a rainy night like this.

on pulo-diezmo road repair

"There's road surface restoration I think periodically, but no provisions for drainage. So the road is periodically damaged too. More restoration/road repairs, more income. That's how the people's money work for the nation, or for the good of those who are more lucky :D" 
-Lois (syempre ako pa din!haha)

Traffic

Traffic sucks the life out of me. The time it took me to reach the national hiway from SLEX exit is more than the time it took me to reach SLEX exit from Manila. I know it's getting into my nerves and to the thousands of nerves of all the passengers squeezed into this four-wheeled box. Heck, so this is the disdainful transformation of a small town to a toxic city!


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monday!

so i'm now a stressful bee after the heavens wept copiously since yesterday. 

my office mates didn't report to work today, i am left with no choice but to act like a normal person.

too stressful, i forgot i poured cold water in my tumbler when i put the coffee granules.

someone needs a break. but it's only monday! 

lol.

too bad

oh my. raining cats and dogs. howling wind. 

too bad the pillow doesn't hug back.

oryt. imma close mah eyes again.

*poof*

ps.

i guess this sucks. my mind is off to work in advance, pondering about the critical areas for inspection tom. can i just clock-in now? hindi ako mapakali! uurrrgghhhh!

good night world

donned my pjs, rolled up the sheets, put hazam beside me. 

it's a cold night.

wish i could hug hazam. if only :))

good night world. lemme feel yah tom.