sketches

Bodypain

2012-01-28T13:11:00.001+08:00

Bodypain.

Girl tulak

2012-01-27T21:39:00.001+08:00

Sakit ng katawan ko pagtutulak kay sweetie paloob ng garahe.

Lagnat na naman.

:'(

Neighbors

2012-01-26T20:13:00.000+08:00

Thankful for my kind neighbors who helped me pushed the car inside the garage. Thanks jelo and neighbor. My scary dogs didnt scare your big hearts. May God bless you both.

Sent from my iPod

Gravedigger

2012-01-26T08:25:00.000+08:00

Gravedigger

When you dig my grave

Could you make it shallow

So that I can feel the rain

Gravedigger

-Dave Matthews Band

LAST SONG SYNDROME

2012-01-25T20:25:00.001+08:00

Lychee overload.yummy

Sent from my iPod

warm me up

2012-01-25T13:21:00.000+08:00

I'm too bitter on a Wednesday morning harnessing all the pain some people have caused in my life. These are the doldrums of despair gnawing inside me on a cold morning when all I just want is to be with someone to warm me up.

Ampalaya mode.

2012-01-24T17:44:00.001+08:00

I miss my car :’(

Side A

2012-01-24T08:32:00.001+08:00

My dear sweetie is having his tantrums. Everything has been messed up: carb, electrical, compressor. I still need to replace the two rear wheels. And push a repaint too! It's just the beginning of the year but the budget for my car's maintenance for the whole year has been slowly trickling down.

I was torn between a house and lot and a brand new car last year but after sorting things out, i decided to settle in the residential property. I have no qualms about choosing the house and lot, and i am very excited to the day that i can move in. But a part of me still hungers for a stress-free road companion, the one that i could drive with more ease, comfort and peace of mind.

I wish i have the luxury to choose both. But i know in time, God will bless me not only with those two things i devoutly wish for, He will bless me with more love and comfort, and i have always been very very much excited to receive His truckloads of good showers.

It's a good morning despite of all the problems. God bless us always.

Different

2012-01-23T16:25:00.000+08:00

I had just survived another attack to my immune system the past few weeks when my body almost surrendered to the battle of the immunity. Of course, I need to win, I need to survive, and I haven’t fully experienced the life that I so very wanted. But I have to accept the fact that dealing with a sickness alone is the most difficult thing in my world, when I couldn't even stand to get myself a glass of water, or cook a meal for my debilitated body, or even buy medicines for me to swallow. I couldn't even drive myself to the hospital. I could die in an instant and have no one beside me. Oh poor princess. LOL.

I am thankful that my sisters took their time off from their busy sched to take care of me for a day. Thankful that I got friends who are doctors, for checking out on me on my way to recovery. Admittedly, physical and emotional stress has exhausted me that much.

I had just finished a cycle of medications to which I am truly regretful because I had been very weak in dealing with stress and depression. Someday and sometime it would be different, in God's due place and time.

Lord, help me.

2012-01-22T22:30:00.001+08:00

Nakakaantok ang matic.

:$$

2012-01-20T02:08:00.001+08:00

Dilim sa eton road. Nakakatakot magdrive mag isa. :$$

Wanted: braveman

:))

Let's travel

2012-01-18T10:57:00.000+08:00

You won't always be young. And life won't always be just about you. So travel. Experience the world for all it's worth. Become a person of culture, adventure, and compassion.

http://goinswriter.com/travel-young/

exclusions

2012-01-17T11:38:00.000+08:00

For nine years you put your heart to an organization, and then found out that you were excluded in the org chart. You ask yourself, where the effin hell do you now stand? Somebody is in dire need for a 101 on management and team leadership.

It's not true that your life passes before you just before you die.

2012-01-16T17:52:00.000+08:00

It’s not true that your life passes before you just before you die.

There’s not much evidence of that.

It passes before you if you let your mind loose to wander.

And are willing to watch the re-runs.

I do not believe those who say, “No regrets.”

One cannot live without having failed or done some damage.

I do not trust those who say, “No hopes,” either.

One cannot live without believing one could do better . . . and will.

If that was not the case, we would not be doing what we do now.

We clean up the mess, pick up the pieces, put the holidays away, open the January calendar, pick up the tools that give shape and function to life and get on with it.

- Robert Fulghum

OT

2012-01-16T16:35:00.000+08:00

Just because I have been out for almost a week, I can’t muster enough courage to ask permission to go home earlier today.

I’m sick and this headache is pounding the hell in me. Crap.

Ako na ang overtime.

Lol.

walk

2012-01-16T13:55:00.001+08:00

Respite

2012-01-15T11:46:00.000+08:00

adgitize

2012-01-09T12:43:00.000+08:00

Got my last payment from adgitize.

Goodbye adgitize. Thanks for giving me the chance to earn J

Such an i

2012-01-08T20:45:00.000+08:00

Same place

2012-01-07T23:49:00.001+08:00

toxic

2012-01-04T16:38:00.001+08:00

Frankly, I don't feel good today. There's too much haze around that i can't think clearly.

I've been to three different meetings from 9am to 1130am. It's toxic.

Reality slowly sank in after lunch. It's kind of depressing to be challenged this way. But as promised to my 2012, I’ll whine lesser and work smarter instead.

I’ll be up until my last cell. I just hope a new morning would settle in ASAP.

new beginning

2012-01-04T08:12:00.000+08:00

Oh the rain at dawn.

Wash away the pain and tears

Cleanse me in this new beginning

Good good life.

Sana

2012-01-03T20:53:00.001+08:00

Sana magkalevel na lang ang ulo at puso.

Para pede din ako uminom ng paracetamol kung masakit ang puso.

I hope so

2012-01-03T20:21:00.001+08:00

Just when i thought i'm all good...

No one ever escapes a heart ache.
And all the while i thought it would be ok.
But seeing a picture punctures the wound within.

You hurt me.

Crap.

I hope i'll never pass this way again.

:'(

Never to believe. Never to be fooled. Never to be hurt.

This is CRAP.

I hate you lois.

Hate you.

A girl you should date

2012-01-03T00:50:00.001+08:00

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve."

—	A Girl You Should Date via @brainpicker

http://bookshelfporn.com/post/15143315340

DATE ME! Lol:))

Stargazing

2012-01-02T22:00:00.001+08:00

Stargazing is for people who like seeing themselves as part of the bigger picture.. people with a sense of wonder.. people who just like being outside at night...

-earthsky.org

A night for romantics... Oh what a beautiful night indeed.

I miss you.

2012

2012-01-01T07:56:00.001+08:00

Goodmorning 2012!

Sent from my iPod

Hello 2012

2011-12-31T22:30:00.001+08:00

Hello 2012.
Lemme give you a big hug.
More blessings for me.

Radcap

2011-12-30T20:29:00.001+08:00

At long last. A replacement :)
Thanks kuya manny for helping me out always :)
I'm so blessed to have you around.

buhbye

2011-12-29T14:06:00.001+08:00

Dear work,

Still got one more hour to kill.

See yah next year!

Lovelots,

Engr. Overworked & Underpaid.

VACUUM

2011-12-29T09:11:00.001+08:00

One of the most intelligent and accomplished men in history, Blaise Pascal, the "Father of Calculus", searched for the answer to life's emptiness, and concluded:

"Every man is born with a vacuum, an emptiness that can only be filled by finding God."

:)

50 Reasons not to Date a Photographer

2011-12-28T23:58:00.003+08:00

from:

http://notastarvingartist.com/post/12766897643

They rather hold their bulky camera, than hold hands with you.
On a romantic date, you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125.”
You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines because they’ll point out all the visual flaws.
They like to sit in obscure coffee shop and voyeuristically watch people for great lengths of time.
If you’re taking a walk outside and you come across some “interesting light” they will make you sit/stand/pose in public so that they can take a photo.
You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals because they’ll spend 15 minutes taking 20 variations of the same dish with their iPhone.
They get angry when your friends go up to them and say “I am interested in photography, can you recommend a good camera for me? Nothing professional I just want to take pretty pictures.”
You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’ll wait at the dmv
Same goes with old used bookstores.
When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re really wondering how they could fix you with a little Clone Tool and Patch Tool.
Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy as they people watch everything going on around you.
They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you.
You can’t take a photo with them without taking at least five more.
If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop you later.”
They’ll never photoshop something simple for you if the content is not up to their “standards.”
That photo they randomly took of you yesterday? Good luck getting them to send it to you.
They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn.)
They can’t have a normal conversation with throwing acronyms and random numbers.
They still use film cameras.
They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you i.e. models, actors, musicians, successful rich people.
They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a coffee cup.
They won’t return your calls or text messages, but you can bet they’re still posting pics on Instagram.
They like watching old films that you’ve never heard or will ever understand.
They like looking at weird things in general.
Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy.
If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land, they’re already on a plane going over there.
Everything is watermarked.
They think everyone else’s photos suck.
They want to color correct a lot of scenes from Twilight and Jersey Shore.
They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle.
Whenever you’re in a group talking and the conversation goes deep, they’re taking notes in some form of Moleskine.
They use over priced Moleskine notebooks.
They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings filled with health hazards.
They always want to show a new photo they took, but don’t really care if you like it or not.
They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture.
Bright, sunny days make them sad, but cloudy, overcast days are apparently great!
They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of getting mugged.
Your birthday present will be a portrait that they’ve taken of you.
You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of everything and anything.
They will always bug you to be a test subject.
Nothing can ever be naturally pretty, everything must be fixed in Photoshop.
Bringing their camera means, bringing 50lbs of equipment.
If you break any of their things on accident, you’ll owe them thousands of dollars.
You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present without spending at least $500
They are natural hoarders, collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers, packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them.
They are weird and geeky.
They have hard drives of photos, but probably have printed 10 images.
They are always secretly judging your creativity.
If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you.
They orgasm every time they learn a new lighting technique.

LOL. DATE ME! hahaha

Wistful

2011-12-27T23:34:00.001+08:00

Cant sleep. The god of somnolence must be hiding somewhere. Oh please come to me. I need some effin sleep for tomorrow's job and a night of laughter with my dearest friends.

It's during these moments when things sink deeper into my soul. How i wish i could turn back time, and learn not to fall over and over again, because it still hurts when snaps of yesterday quickly flash in my memory. Must be because i give too much, only to realize and feel one day that everything and all went down the drain.

I miss those idle moments that get buzzed by the one who holds my heart so dearly. I missed being teased, wooed, and chased by two-legged creatures, masqueraded as heroes of my heart.

ZzzzZzzZzzzzzz...

Antok lang to. Gudnyt ebriwan. Tomorrow is another struggle, another challenge, another blessing.

Ampalaya

2011-12-27T16:38:00.001+08:00

Im thinking of installing asap the subwoof my dad sent to me last week. I would love to have a soundtrip galore on an ultimate roadtrip with someone brave enough to have his world revolve around the eccentricity in me. Or the opposite simplicity. Or the stupid complexity.

If only.

***Bitter na bitter sa malamig na december***

hahaha

Not at work

2011-12-27T07:44:00.001+08:00

Just because i didnt report to work today, i need to run a lot of errands to maximize my full potential.lol.

I missed missing work for a romantic date. Hahaha!

Wanted: braveman :))

Cold morning philippines!!!

happy princess

2011-12-26T14:01:00.001+08:00

I am a happy princess today. I do not know what exactly has gotten into me, but i feel glad and contented performing my job. I must have filled my happiness meter more than expected. I received a lot of gifts, i have been cared so much, remembered and I felt really loved. The pipelines of God’s blessings have been strategically channeled in my existence. I am so thankful and honored.

Belgian waffle

2011-12-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

The belgian waffle is

EPIC.

i want one now.

Plus the moments.

Finally

2011-12-25T20:25:00.001+08:00

UNSUBSCRIBED.

Yehey!!!

I'm on my way there :)
Yep.
I'll see you when i see you.
If only.

It's a very merry christmas!
Cheers!

Stoned

2011-12-25T19:54:00.001+08:00

I can hit my head with a stone over and over again and still feel numb even with the blood oozing right from the wound.
I can even bite the stone not just because i want to, but because i would love to.
There are some things that i just couldn't explain, but can only be felt straight from the heart.
And so be it.

Let me have my very merry christmas :)

Boom boom

2011-12-25T10:23:00.002+08:00

Kumpleto na ang boom boom ni sweetie. Mega soundtrip sa roadtrip galore!

Thanks tatay :)

Late riser

2011-12-25T10:05:00.000+08:00

I'm a late riser today :)

Merry christmas everyone!

Merry

2011-12-25T00:39:00.001+08:00

Merry merry Christmas!

Sent from my iPod

Bitterness

2011-12-24T16:07:00.000+08:00

On bitterness mode.

Picture

2011-12-24T15:24:00.001+08:00

A picture is worth a thousand words.

And a thousand pain.

Missing a beautiful sunrise

2011-12-22T14:23:00.001+08:00

Missing a beautiful sunrise…

thankful

2011-12-22T13:46:00.001+08:00

I am so thankful for being blessed with generous friends.

So many gifts to open.

Thanks God.

Husky

2011-12-20T13:47:00.000+08:00

I think i sound like a man with my husky voice. Could also be inday garutay. Lol. It's a sleepy afternoon.

HECTIC

2011-12-19T14:18:00.000+08:00

December has always been a hectic month, never had a complete eight-hour sleep since day 1.

unnoticed

2011-12-16T08:31:00.001+08:00

So, nobody noticed that I got my hair trimmed.

Just because the fad is all about the hair being aroused, I mean being straight rebounded, it’s no wonder my trimmed hair got not that much attention. Lols.

People are so directed on phenomenal changes; they get so blinded with glitter they missed out on the gold. Lmao.

Anyways, I really did plan to have something new in clandestine. And it worked. Yipeeeeeeeee.

So for the first person ever to notice that my hair got shortened, I’d be very much willing and excited to give a prize.

*big evil grin*

I'm not moving

2011-12-14T14:43:00.001+08:00

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be

thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet

and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving

I'm not moving

-The man who can’t be moved by The Scripts

The song makes sense. Much.

2011-12-14T14:32:00.001+08:00

The internet connection is sooooooooooooooooo

S l o w

Buta no shogayaki

2011-12-13T23:07:00.001+08:00

Lunchy modey at ryuma japanese resto

SANE

2011-12-13T12:49:00.000+08:00

2 cats, 3 dogs, 5 puppies… oh they keep me sane at home J

Cheers

2011-12-12T16:53:00.001+08:00

I have given myself another shot in trying to enjoy my job. But maybe, i just don't really belong here; lady luck isn't always on my side for the longest time.

I have the strongest faith that God will bring me to where i would really belong. So i just unload myself of all the aches and pain and trust that the Good Lord will propel my ship to His direction. All for the glory of His name.

Cheers.

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

2011-12-12T08:45:00.001+08:00

I am a certified super sleepyhead on a weekstarter. Aside from being utterly disturbed by our cat who wailed all night, crawled to our ceiling and jumped straight to me while i hid myself under the sheets for safety, i am usually derogated from the deep comforts of somnolence. Must be insomnia to speak of. For the past few weeks, this has been the trend, and while i shy away from the effects of having this habit, i couldn't help but take a time off the grid just to resuscitate my energy so i could work.

Birdday party

2011-12-11T22:58:00.001+08:00

Ish a birdday party! An angry birds update.

good good life

2011-12-09T15:16:00.001+08:00

It's a weekender, I am starting to loose the screws in my head as my brain starts to shrink like raisin. The rain had eased into a mist, but more than the discomfort of being soaked in the pouring rain this morning, it feels like God's gesture of mutual blessings. The surrounding is a bit cooler despite the tension and pressures abound, the clinching of fists and uprose middle finger hidden in each pockets.

Acting with gritty determination to make acceptable how this day would go, i made sure that the pulse in my blood is in tune with the beat of my heart.

I don't like looking back at how I ended my plight yesterday, my day made even toxic by the insensitivity (or the lack thereof) of the human race. Unscrambled mess and all there is, the music in my mind pulsating through the minute area of my soul.

This is gonna be a good life. Good, good life.

schmuck

2011-12-08T09:12:00.001+08:00

Gotta hate this morning.

Blame it on the damsel.

Oh so crappy.

UUuuurrrggghhhh!!!

Just a smile away

2011-12-07T22:06:00.000+08:00

I feel crap

2011-12-07T07:55:00.003+08:00

I know it's not pleasant to expect, but i do get hurt when my sweet nothings get no attention.

I feel crap.

Oh the ways of the world. Hands down.

steer me to the direction of your glory

2011-12-06T08:14:00.000+08:00

True success is working well in a job that God wants you to be. - Francis Kong

Lord God, steer me to the direction of Your glory. Let Your will be done.
Guide me to where You want me to be.
Lord help me.

Amen.

FOGGY MORNING

2011-12-05T08:08:00.000+08:00

I had my windows opened to check the obstruction in my peripheral vision, to check whether the blur in the surroundings is due to the smoke escaping from a burning entity or the fog rolling down from Tagaytay.

It was indeed a foggy morning. One of my firsts, I drove with a restricted visibility due to the fog. It was cold even with the car cooler off.

Then it suddenly dawned on me, Christmas is coming very very sooner than I have expected.

Pasko na sinta ko

2011-12-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hanap hanap ka

Goodbye 8gig sd card :'(

2011-12-03T14:07:00.000+08:00

Goodbye 8gig sd card :’(

Anybody knows an expert in auto aircon?

2011-12-02T08:52:00.001+08:00

I need to cool down. Anybody knows an expert in auto aircon?

Oh my waffle

2011-12-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

WILL YOU BE RAPTURED?

2011-11-25T08:16:00.004+08:00

Nangungulila

2011-11-22T21:47:00.001+08:00

Mamamatay yata ako sa sobrang kalungkutan :(

Ang lamig sa labas.

Parang ang puso ko

Nangungulila,
prinsesa

MA

2011-11-22T12:48:00.001+08:00

Eto na nga! Yummy Yummy Doo!

feverish

2011-11-22T11:18:00.001+08:00

It's a dark Tuesday Morning. Rainy and cold second day of the work week. The feverish princess needs to beat the deadlines at work.

I am craving for Ma's Binondo Mami.

democracy

2011-11-21T10:32:00.001+08:00

Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress. – Robert Fulghum

Oh btw, I’m excited to see ex-PGMA’s mugshot. Lol. Karma’s a bitch.

A day in the life of a commuter

2011-11-19T11:31:00.001+08:00

I was on a bus Tuesday morning bound to cubao. Everybody becomes generic after some time, lifting the feet on the doorsteps, choosing where to sit, and the estrangement of profound sorts while the passing of the views outside the window blend into a blur. My brain, running loose and free, is neutralizing the effects of being sleep-deprived the night before and the squirming away from some uncomfortable distress brought a super low-temperature aircon.

There are just too many variables that make a commuter's life very vivid and exciting. There's this woman behind me who talks loudly on her mobile, nonstop, from Cabuyao to Cubao. I alternate between calm anticipation of her cellphone battery draining to the fullest and an inordinate fear that she would have a back-up phone should the cells in the battery gave up. Predictability and comfort are valid human longings. I just want to snap a light nap to cobble up myself before i got off the bus. But lo and behold, she seems perennially engaged in herself that she no longer mind the people around her, having no choice but to shoo away from our ears all the unwanted conversation she is having on the phone. Our country is in complete shambles, and here is a woman, a self-absorbed one who chose to plug herself in the barrage of all the passengers' disappointments.

In a bus bound south, i happen to sit beside a man in a three-seater behind the driver. He was sitting beside the window, above him is the aircon adjustment knob, to which, i immediately adjusted in my direction to counter the high temperature surroundings. I nearly fainted as i sit, having smelled the foul odor oozing from his armpit. Adding insult to injury, i just wished i am dead at that moment when i learned of his stinkin' breath after cracking a conversation with the driver. (So friends pala sila) I transferred to the empty two-seater across, and heaven has no beauty than a comfortable seat while traveling.

An old woman sat beside me after a stop. She adjusted the aircon knob above me, looked at me, and smiled at me. I smiled back, to give her due respect. She then untied a plastic, grope for a fork, opened a transparent bowl of sliced fruits, and offered me to partake of her meal. "Neng, kain tayo." She slightly held the bowl close to my lap. I could have grabbed her fork and picked a sliced pineapple having eyed the same bowl when i passed the supermarket an hour ago. But instead, i offered back a smile and thanked her. "Salamat po 'nay,busog pa po ako," I answered back, as i gestured to return the bowl in her lap. My heart tumbled with a love that i cannot explain. For hours i feel that the world is a fine place to be. Whatever troubles of the day i had experienced had been forgotten and put on perspective by the kind-hearted and generous old woman who sat beside me and offered me her food.

Life is so magnificently larger and broader in scope, in fact, it defies the word scope itself. As one can always find beauty in the ugliest situation, the ultimate context of life being larger and broader in scope makes any other sub context pitifully miniscule. So miniscule as the loud-talking woman behind and the foul-smelling man beside me, to a broader context of kindness in the form of the old and generous woman whose physical attributes had been withered by time, but managed to keep a heart so big to wholeheartedly share to anyone she barely know.

2011-11-18T22:30:00.001+08:00

Ang hirap magdrive pababa sa tagaytay :(

Step out

2011-11-16T22:02:00.001+08:00

I will never be brave enough to know why you chose to walk away from me.

I'll just bear the silence and ignorance, and pretend that i am good.

Who knows, maybe tomorrow, i'll be able to smile again.

I just wished.

Ham'o'ween

2011-11-16T17:32:00.002+08:00

Rejoicing over a three-star feat on Angry Birds Seasons' Ham'o'ween. This is kind of late, soap operas had taken the better of me. lol.

Amidst being shut and being taken for granted, it's the simple private pleasures that make a day go light and right.

worthy of note

2011-11-16T14:09:00.001+08:00

It is the absence of something that makes the presence of something a matter of delight and worthy of note – Robert Fulghum

silencio

2011-11-15T11:22:00.000+08:00

Silence is so demeaning you just wished you didn't exist.

Silence is what rubs salt on the wounds.

Silence is power at the highest intensity in its still state.

Silencio.

rainy days are here again

2011-11-15T11:11:00.000+08:00

Here again. Oh the cold rainy days of the approaching holidays.

The coldness felt from the outside of the car seeping through the soul deep within.

I just wished someone would care enough to give me some warmth.

anymore

2011-11-14T18:52:00.000+08:00

Thought for today:

You don’t give me flowers anymore.

Moon

2011-11-13T21:32:00.001+08:00

Oh the moon. Let's spend the night together :)

THE RIGHT TO A ONE AND ONLY

2011-11-09T07:52:00.001+08:00

THE RIGHT TO A ONE AND ONLY

By Robert Fulghum

It is a credible statistical probability that somewhere among the billions of human beings on Earth there is one person more compatible as a life companion for each one of us than any other.

Reasonable men and women would not argue.

“Right,” we say, “So where’s mine? My soul-mate?”

About 2,400 years ago Plato wrote The Symposium as a rational exploration of love. In his account of a banquet held in honor of Eros, Plato has Aristophanes relate the fable about Zeus dividing the first human beings in half because he was threatened by their power. Forever after, Aristophanes asserts, each person has longed to be reunited with that missing half in order to feel whole again. This yearning for completion is called love. Even Socrates, who was present at the banquet, could not poke enough holes in the idea to sink it. And so, as fairy tales say, it has been to this very day.

However. The odds against any one person finding their perfectly matched exact companion is so statistically improbable that to build one’s hopes on that is like expecting that you will meet Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs in the supermarket this afternoon.

Even less likely is the possibility that Snow White would be expecting you. Or that her Prince would be in the next aisle over. Or that the Dwarfs would fit into your plans.

Yet the Romantic Fallacy that one will win Destiny’s Lottery is so powerful that the Coast of Love is littered with the wrecks of the starry-eyed mariners who steer their ships onto its rocks, lured by the siren-song of the One and Only. “Here I am. Come and get it,” they sing.

The shallows of Romantic Fallacy become the deep seas of Romantic Fatalism. A good way to drown.

The hollow longing of those whose experience finally convinces them that they have not and will not ever find the Right One is filled with the sweet sorrow of feeling that they have missed a safe landing on Paradise Island by the smallest miscalculation; a vexing kink in the Thread of Chance. “If only . . .” are the first and last words of this lament.

He or She may have been on the next bus; on a previous train; five minutes late; three rows down; in an accident on the way; delayed by rain; or home with the flu that night of the party.

These relentless-but-unfulfilled yearnings shrink our minds to raisins.

We wait. Wait. Wait for love.

And tired of waiting, we go looking. Searching for love. For the One.

To improve the odds in their favor, modern men and women resort to the world-wide-web, personals ads, dating services and singles groups. Most poignant are the “I Saw You” columns. Asking, “Did you see me?” The Girl who glanced at me getting off the ferry. The Man in the red pickup truck at the traffic light. The wrong number phone call that sounded so promising. Somebody else’s blind date. The woman sorting through tomatoes in the salad-bar of the supermarket. The guy leaving the coffee shop last Friday. The distant figure at the rail of a passing ship.

Pulse pounding from the provocative possibility, we implore:

“Did you see me?”

No. No. They weren’t looking for you.

Hide and seek and hide and seek and hide and seek . . .

If waiting does not pay off, and searching does not pay off, What . . . ?

We make do. Take the pick of the litter available. Concede and compromise. Her or him as well as another. In a mood of Now-or-Never, and determined to turn Better-Than-Nothing into As-Good-As-Can-Be-Expected, we act with gritty determination to make acceptable what is only an inadequate substitute for the Man or Woman of Our Dreams.

Sometimes it actually works out pretty well. Sometimes. But even the best the statistical odds are 50-50. Heads or tails. Call it. Never a sure thing, but a chance we take because we believe in a Love that can overcome anything, despite repeated and ongoing evidence to the contrary.

But suppose. Just suppose. That once in a lifetime the person most suitable for you appears. How will you know? How will they know? What’s the secret sign? And what if it happens on a bad day, when you are hung over or have a cold or they went out of their house in their shabbiest clothes just to get milk? Will you still know, no matter what?

Would a committee of ten thousand wise elders, psychologists, marriage counselors, and frenzied family and friends be any help? Or is Destiny strong enough to overcome any and all obstacles?

Even more important is this consideration:

Would you expect to recognize the One instantly? Love at first sight?

Or would you know only after a life-long companionship?

Is Big Love made in Heaven or lived into on Earth?

And since living with another person is always a tidal matter of the ebb and flow of good and bad, workable and unworkable, seasons and times and weather, age and chance, who can ever say for certain, at the beginning, the end, or in the middle: This was the One?

SO… ASAN NA NGA SI THE ONE?

roadtrip

2011-11-08T08:55:00.000+08:00

With two vultures at the back, i need to strategize for my survival. I need to gather evidences of their delinquencies for future references. bwahahaha.

Seriously, i need a breather.

Roadtrip?

always there... waiting

2011-11-08T08:38:00.001+08:00

We meet people, and fall in love, and when we part they leave marks for us to remember them by. Our lovers sculpt us; they define us, for better or worse. Like a pinball, we slam into them and rebound in our different directions, propelled by the contact, and after the parting we might be scared, stronger or more fragile, or needy, or angry, or guilty, but never unchanged. Our lovers linger inside us, like ghosts, haunting the corridors and deserted rooms, sometimes whispering, sometimes screaming, but always there, waiting...

-from ate kimi’s fb stat J

HELL YEAH

2011-11-07T16:08:00.003+08:00

Men around me are working double-time to pull me down. Kondo was caught by my office mate snooping on my work through his cellphone camera, zooming in my desktop as much as possible to pry on what i am doing. He immediately hid his cellphone upon realizing he was seen with his deed. I wasn't suspecting him to be on the darkest side when the demolition job surfaced to the fore. I didn't even had any inkling that he would dip his hands in it. But alas, here it is.

What brings them to do this? What have i done to deserve this? I am just a lady engineer working hard as a man in this male dominated metal forging company. I have come to accept that no matter how hard i work, they will always opt me out for promotion, just because of their gender-biased beliefs. I had none the muck of any repulsion, instead, i worked thrice as hard to elevate my simple desires into poignant, quixotic and quite impossible dreams. Does seeing an employee working hard as a carabao all for the sake of the company irk them the most they felt the need to plot out a demolition job to see the person plummet to rock bottom? I do not know how expanse the hell had migrated into their idle minds to even dispel the stench of their adult-greediness. I used to be their own pet, but i never needed them to goad me to be results-driven and goal-oriented. All came as second nature to me. So if they do want their new pets to be noticed, they must kick their ass and plead them to work more than thrice as hard as i did.

But just how much of my destruction do they still need to be satiated? They have already stripped me off so many things, they have relieved me from various positions i have held. Talk about the grimmest things one does to kill a reputation, to steal self-worth and to destroy a soul. I stand indicted before such a sight, and feel even more heart-stricken.

My detractors have gotten so frustrated they needed to act beyond their professional ethics in order to destroy the only thing left on me: the trust from other bosses and fellow workmates that i have earned in my entire years of service. By dint of pluck and luck, hustling and bravado, and strengthened relationships i have forged with my co-workers, i believe that i will be able to overcome the hell that they have caused.

Hell Yeah. I will.

lost

2011-11-07T09:11:00.002+08:00

It's an everyday struggle. The Japanese bosses are so determined to pin me down. :'( Makes me wanna explode into a deadly infectious virus that could seep through their souls.

I wonder how long I could survive this. I wonder how I could save myself and regain the self-worth that has been lost in the process of biting the bullets in order for me get through each day. Sometimes, it makes no sense at all. I have already lost myself. The only way to find myself is outside the tenure of this misery.

It's a long and winding tunnel. I have yet to see the light at the end of it.

How

2011-11-06T19:46:00.001+08:00

How do u fight loneliness?

will you

2011-11-05T11:10:00.000+08:00

I watched yesterday the video of a friend's marriage proposal to his girl. Nothing fancy, it was an inset in a get-together of my group of friends in the dessert. The girl was crying, happy and surprised in equal measure. It was something worth watching again and again, the drama, the cheers and jeers, and the love that was oozing deep within. Aaahhh love. love. love.

Kainggit. Hahaha.

Up

2011-11-04T06:06:00.001+08:00

The heart is deceitful above all

2011-11-03T10:24:00.000+08:00

Conversation with a dearest friend:

Just for once lois. Just for once.

OUCH

2011-11-02T14:31:00.002+08:00

I believe no one ever gets used to pain. It's just pretending you are already numb to it, much less than getting affected by the sheer resemblance of getting one's wound pricked. It's always an OUCH. But not oftentimes a scream or a facial warp.

I never got used to having my central blood pumping station broken. Each blow is different, each brings pain i know i am not capable of hiding. No matter what diversions i made to elicit dementia from the point of hurt avenue, the ouch still hollers and flogs me off the butt.

How can love be so fulfilling yet be so devastating the moment it refuses to flow? It's more than a million OUCH.

diversion

2011-11-02T10:10:00.003+08:00

I was up earlier for a whole day of household chores. My day started with prayers for my mom and other loved ones. Went to the market to buy goods to cook and groceries. Spin the clothes in the rotating monster, cleaned the cabinet for kitchen wares. It took me the whole day to clean the shelves, wash the kitchen wares, dry, and arrange inside again. Had boiled banana for energy fusion. When my body wore down in the middle of the day, i took a pit stop to my bed and watched Transformers Dark of the Moon. After which i cooked nilagang tilapia for dinner. Then I arranged the pile of clothes that i have washed a day before. Arranged the groceries, cleaned the ref, and removed the dirt and dust in the house. It was a very productive day.

I used to wonder how mothers could spent their whole day in the kitchen doing stuffs. And now i understand that even 24hours isn't enough to spring clean just a nook in the hut. How more difficult it would be for a mom if she has children running here and there asking for this and that, husband requesting things and other foreign disturbances inherent in a typical mother's day. Oh my salute goes to all the mothers who are very much willing to get exhausted for her family's comfort.

Yesterday, cleaning my mom's kitchen wares made a lot of sense. It's not just all about keeping her things tidy, but sanctifying her remnants, the memories. Living all alone on my own, i dearly miss my mom who would take the extra mile just to bring me comfort. Deym.

I wish to do this again. Tire myself out so all i could feel is the weariness of my physical body and not the sadness in my heart and soul.

2011-11-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

i miss u

:'(

yes you.

oh lord.

SADNESS

2011-10-31T14:39:00.002+08:00

It's been days of hiatus.

I am tempted to say auspicious things in lieu of negative vibes, but then, my progressive dementia for brighter ones have taken the better of me: a flimsy excuse to continuously drag myself in the ruts of my life. Enough to contemplate joining the lemmings, hurling myself off into the abyss of dismal ending.

Sadness continues to hover above me like a shadow. I chose it, i chose sadness. It's not easy finding a clever answer to a question as to why i would always choose sadness over happiness. Frankly, i do not know. Dashed into pieces, i am quite unsure how to gather the pieces of myself back.

:(

2011-10-26T17:40:00.001+08:00

Sobrang kalungkutan. Kinakaya ko lang.

empty space and silence

2011-10-24T17:36:00.002+08:00

There are few things sadder in this life than watching someone walk away after they've left you: watching the distance between your bodies expand until there's nothing... but empty space and silence.

nakuha ko yan sa fb status ni meng, at tinamaan ako ng sobrang kalungkutan :'(

:(

2011-10-23T20:45:00.001+08:00

Inaatake ako ng sobrang kalungkutan. Dalawin na sana ako ng antok.
Sige na po please.

half-crazy

2011-10-22T09:05:00.001+08:00

I'm half crazy.

I guess this is the effect of my prolonged sleep-deprival. It's been weeks, my body clock had been stuck from late night mind wanderings to late night angry birding. lol.

Well, really. I temporarily moved out a month ago to my sister's house to at least free myself from the raggedness of an internal conflict. This afternoon, i am coming back home, this time all alone, to live with the pushiness of the usual everyday life.

It's frustrating and challenging in equal measure, living all alone with goals not yet achieved. Sometimes i worry not having much with my so little time left. But then i have to play this game fairly, to the best that i could. Oftentimes i am prompted to surrender, but just when i thought i could walk out of the game, the Great Coach would holler a "time-out", allowing me to rest and energize, then get back with full vigor in the game.

Not much of my problems had been solved already, i am still here working out on the best possible solution.

Even if I'm half crazy.

tragic

2011-10-21T15:07:00.002+08:00

so i was doomed for almost eternity. frankly, i wasn't able to handle the heavy loads put upon my shoulders. i faltered.

the domestic problem that doomed my kingdom had stripped me off my confidence. Boogled, i didn't know where my self-worth had gone. I was scrambling onto places, looking for a place to hide my existence. i almost slashed my wrist, pulled the trigger of my maggy, and drank liters of cough syrups. it was so dark in my world, and all i could do to bail me out of the misery is to plead to the god of somnolence to usher me to sleep, but all to no avail. and so my energy was depleted.

darkness had pervaded my outer world as well. at work, it felt being dragged into the same misery over and over again, with the predator lamenting on his authority to treat me less of a person.

i was bullied. i was damned. i couldn't even fathom how the situation had taken over the princess in me. it was very difficult to see that ray of light that would blare out freedom from all of these. they have me imprisoned under their own powers, they casted spells upon me, they too locked me in the darkness. it was hell down here.

i wish i could don the cape that superheroes wear when saving the world. i even wished i could transform to the superheroine that i have always wanted to be. but unfortunately, i just can't for the moment. i am completely short of self-worth, energy and morale.

tragic.

Chillax

2011-10-19T17:43:00.000+08:00

Chillaxing with my kuya mike. Had a great time kuya. Till next time!

For sharing

2011-10-19T17:37:00.001+08:00