Thursday, March 31, 2011
princess: nako pass ako...wala na ako pera
Susie: ikaw nmn ang taong laging wlang pera pero wla rin tigil ang gastos :D
Susie: hndi kapanipaniwala e :D
princess: judgemental ka na mare ha
princess: jinajudge mo na ko = hahahaha
Susie: anyway, ganun tlg :D
princess: lakas trip mo din e )
Susie: ang judgement ko ay tru what i see & observe.. :D
princess: cge na isipin mo na at i judge lahat ng gusto mong isipin )
princess: its a free country
princess: hindi ko alam kung bat ka nagsasalita ng ganyan sa kin mare... wala naman ako ginagawang masama.. pero kung hhusgahan mo pati ang personal na paggastos ko ay wala ka na dun pakialam kse buhay ko naman ito
princess: kaya isipin mo na lahat ng gusto mo isipin
Susie: parang galit na galit ka na jan.. hndi ko nmn un pinakikialama a.. & tama ka, wl nmn tlg akong pikialam dun.. para ngbbiro lng akong mgchangge e.. lumayo na to.
Susie: sorry kung ikinagalit mo
Susie: kalimutan mo n un
Susie: hndi n kita yayayain mgchangge :D
Susie: pasensya na
I have one adjective for you.
i pity you dear. i don't know why you allow yourself to succumb to envy, of seeing others have a better financial status than yours. i pity you as you stalk to my whereabouts, how much i spent for this and that, and how much i shell out for eating this and that. such a looser.
why don't you just mind your own life, and think of better ways to pull yourself out of that financial muck.
Leave me alone and get a life.
'Coz you seem to be loosing one.
PS. I don't owe you my life's financial statement. You f*ck!n @ssh0l3.
My Japanese boss had relocated to the table beside me. To the right of me now sits hell, working hours meant inhaling his cigarette-flavored breath. If only I could kill myself.
In between relocation and his bad breath, is the greatest disturbance on earth, as he could now conveniently butt through my critical thinking times, gathering greatest universal forces of insanity converged in the minor intersection between us.
Seriously, this is hell.
Monday, March 28, 2011
(from ate kimi)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Time stood still. Not a word spoken.
My human capacity for words had utterly failed.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
And to be frustrated by an inability to mitigate pain and sorrow.
When I consider the news of the day I often feel a sense of anguish.
I’m not directly responsible for what’s happening.
I can’t do anything about it.
But still, I know.
And take what I know into the darkness of night with me.
There’s good reason to clinch one’s jaw, grind and gnash one’s teeth.
I don’t know about the afterlife, but there is hell enough on earth.
It’s hard to sleep well if you know the details.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I was stuck in the indelible markers of my collective memory. I run inside myself and hide in the emergency room of my mind as remnants of him scatter like a flock of disturbed chickens, i could just look around and ponder with my neurotic exophthalmic eyes like an alert insect.
I'm not sure if the trip i took down the memory lane has triggered the insomnia in me.
I was browsing through our threads hours ago just to shimmer myself with sappy thoughts of yesterday. I never considered remembering him a taboo, as opposed to what most of my friends would say. It still delights that i am awed by his wit and humor, before laying before me his closely held dogmas. I was equally amused because it seems so ridiculous that even in his absence, he could provide me with such pleasure and launch me in a moment of good mood. Having a good memory is the best possession indeed.
I was put into a jolt when some of the lines he dropped rang a bell in the raw meat between my ears. Talk about dogma, thoughts blip through my head like moving banners under the screen of reality. How could i not notice it then? How could i be so ignorant? There must really be a kernel of reality to flavor the mix.
The spark started to turn into conflagration, and the speed to which i could process has jacked up a few more notches. My mind began to be cluttered and unfocused. Blurred distinctions, and i know pain isn't far away. Imminent disturbance slowly sets itself.
I always get too absorbed relishing my remaining days by looking back.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Salamat sa mga tengang laging nakabukas.
Pagbigyan mo na ang isang prinsesang nangungulila
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Now I need a new glass.
to CDSC, here's to you.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I got it yesterday and i scored well enough to have my life at least a bit extended.
More than half a year of sacrifice has gotten me a bountiful harvest of improved health. Though i could still feel the prick and whip of having an uninvited and unwanted entity in my being, i am all the more positive that the day will come when all of them would decide to leave.
But could you please all hurry?
Friday, March 18, 2011
I have to spend a few minutes of my time with you just before i tuck myself under the sheets. Tomorrow, the world will be watching the super you.
I cant resist not having a quickie date with you. You are up there ever so gleaming, i wonder why i stare at you with so much melancholy within.
The last time i took so much joy with your light was a quarter you overseeing two hearts with one soul sipping a cup of hot french vanilla.
And i wonder if, at any rate, the hands of time would bring me back to those arms, while i cherish the night i would have you over us.
Before i sleep, lemme stare at your beauty. And let him know that i am just here, just here, here, always.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I'm still getting the hang of my bothering Tuesday. Oh well, hell has been a step away from me since yesterday. Red alarms flickering around and i know i'm into a real deep $h!t.
I just dropped the possibility that my cousin would still be able to overcome the $h!t in him. Well, instead of him professing all the deliquencies he could and put a blotch on my ever so dearest escutcheon here at work, he just decided to walk away. I also opted to let him do whatever crap he wants to do with his life. It's just too depressing that my eagerness to pull him out of the muck didn't push through. Can't help him the most if he doesn't even want to be helped in the first place. Call this major major epic fail.
Another thing, betrayal has found its way when an i-believe-we're-friends friend dragged me into his business networking only to be considered as his potential client. Seeing him taking opportunity at my ill situation makes me hate him the most. First, he got me too irritated setting up a coffee date that he said would enable us to catch on each other's lives because we're both too busy that we we're missing out a lot on our friendship. So the i-don't-know-how-to-say-no princess in me had gave in to his persistence, only to see myself being stuck in a table of presentation about this and that product. For the first three minutes, he was kind enough to ask how i am doing, and the moment i stopped narrating things i thought he wished to know, triggered in him the go signal to insist his business and product presentation. No coffee, meal or even water was offered in four hours. I wish i could reach for something sharp that moment and slash both our wrists. To hell with it.
Anyways, crap this is all about.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
I am kind of grouchy this morning that i am speaking to nobody at all.
I feel sad and ill-tempered for getting my cousin and my friend a job that they seem to appreciate not and show lesser value to it. Their deliquencies echoed through me, and it is as if i am equally punishable for their deeds. Sucks. I can only look up and ask Him to shed some light to these kind of people. Sigh.
I was hopin' my day would get better seeing superhero in my dreams last night. But it was the other way around as it made me even more debilitated that i couldn't even finish my work hours. I am going home at 11, for once i am letting my negative energies take the better of me.
Job hunting. I need to. I must.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
"It is true that specific individuals, including some who are Muslims, are violent extremists. However, these are individuals but not entire communities…When their violent actions are associated with an entire community, then blame is assigned to a whole group. This is the very heart of stereotyping and scapegoating, which is counterproductive. Ascribing the evil acts of a few individuals to an entire community is wrong; it is ineffective, and it risks making our country less secure." - Rep. Keith Ellison, a Minnesota Democrat
Friday, March 11, 2011
|minsan gusto ko din may kasama akong haharap sa karayom na sisipsip ng dugo mula sa katawan ko.|
I keep on missing you and dearly wish that you are safe wherever you may be.
It's a lazy friday morning and the thought of taking a rest this weekend hasn't even crossed my mind. I need to get myself busy and distract my attention to being still and thinking only of the voids in my life. It's been a quite a cross to carry, heavy load on my shoulder as i try to walk in the light of my future. I miss the silly old me who gets much distracted by any knick-knacks under the sun, or bolted to the bed on a dear Sunday or leisurely spending time outside with much dearie friends. I don't know what wearied my aspirations a bit, but i don't seem too inspired the past few days, and too much holler in my darker side has made me pity myself even more.
Well, i guess, i am going back to square one as the pig that i am don't fit my current pen.
To sum it up, i am disturbed, depressed, and lonely.
I wish could sip a cuppa hot coffee.
2. You can only get from another person the love they are able and willing to give in the form they can give it in.
3. You cannot get from another person the love you demand and need in the form you wish.
4. If what they have to give is what you want, then love works.
If not, it doesn’t and won’t.
5. If you concentrate on getting love, there will never be enough.
6. If you concentrate on giving love, there will always be enough.
7. Most people need the most love when they are the most unlovable.
That includes you. And me.
8. Finally, love is not a present you give or get, but something you do.
If that seems like a solemn list, that’s because it’s meant to be.
I take love seriously.
And I tell you that if you never understand these maxims, then all the chocolate you ever receive on Valentine’s Day will be dark and bitter.”
Thursday, March 10, 2011
|B: "Minsan ba sumagi sa isipan mo na isang araw babalik sya?"|
G: "Alam ko naman na babalik sya. Hindi ko lang alam kung ano ang plano nya pagbalik nya. Basta andito lang ako palagi."
You will always be caught somewhere in the middle between where you’ve been and where you’re going, between what you have and what you want.
It’s called Now and it isn’t a place, it’s a condition.
Being alive is not a destination, it’s a place on a moving bus.
You will always have more questions than answers.
You will never get yourself or the world all figured out.
You will never ever really know what other people think about you.
You will never ever really understand what you think about yourself.
You are not as alone as you think, but it always seems that way.
You will always be in the middle.
Between the facts and confusions, between the joys and cruelties of life.
All this will weigh on your mind as long as you live.
Life will always be a load to carry.
But most of the time you can do it.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Happiness is more often than not made of small moments that don’t last.
Happiness is transient, momentary, evanescent.
And it’s most likely private and personal.
Like a moment when the sun breaks through the clouds and shines for an instant on your face and hands on a dreary morning.
It can turn your day around.
|I was lost last night. Sudden quirks on my emotional stability. I needed to die last night. If only i could.|
I was determined to beat the crap in me. Admittedly, it has always been this heavy, the load getting heavier and heavier as my uncle continuously punctures the wounds i so keep on healing. It was madness. I wanted a bullet blasting off right in the center of my cerebrum.
It was just right that i left my maggy to my cousin for a bath. Had i gotten it beside me, i could have plunged it in my sea of angst and raging hormones.
I was so hurt, it was so painful, everything about me is crap.
I say me and uncle are both scarred. We both have been mired too long in the muck of insanity. Repressed emotions of failures and disappointments. And to let it resurfaced in the fore is to put each other at the risk of ending one's life. Say i am prepared.
I don't know.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The antithesis of it is i am still alive. I have managed to still keep my wrist away from anything sharp for the time being. Haleluyah!
Just for the randomness in me, i was able to steal a few minutes of my precious labor hours after dopamine provocation. Oh well...
> I miss you. Yes... you. I've been scouring the lengths of the earth just to find you. Approximately 200 moons had already passed, i got to stare at the gazillion twinkling stars, and i had almost 200 nights dreaming of you. Pump it up, i know you're just there, but wouldn't it be nicer and sweeter and happier if for once you would step out of that pumping station and stand in front of me? I miss you saif.
> PC reformat. Yes, i'll do it later. It's been 3 weeks of interrupted Windows entry and the hell with the repeated bios and black screen booting. I know my 2004 machine is kinda old, but it still deserves a bunch of my.. well.. expertise. Lol. As long as i can repair or reformat or whatever-could-bring-life-into-it, i would with all ardour and fervour. Unless a huge chunk of moolah fall straight into my face enough to replace it with an i7 dude, i'll stick to my sempron buddy 'till the cows come home. hahaha.
> I got a new buddy, my one and a half tera wd elements. Store all i can, even if i would want some memories to be erased in the cluster of my brain. Now that sounds so sentimental. lols. Can i just switch back to the boring one?
> My past does not define my future. Haha. Nothing much to say, i just had few realizations about things of my past that i am so glad to have moved on since it got myself pestered. Seriously, i think it just takes time and a clear mind and understanding and acceptance (and ano pa! :))) to be able to step forward to something better. Hhhmmmnnn, i would prefer not to blurt out the details, but i am just so glad that things have happened the way it should.
Lunch break muna. Ciao